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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board


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Old 09-13-2006, 07:16 PM   #1
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Buying Then Returning??

Hi All-

New to the group, and I'd like to see if anyone else has this obsession. I read a little bit of the posts on hoarding, but I think I have a different obsession when it comes to material items.

My problem is I'll go into a store and find things I really like, or really want and I'll buy them. Doesn't matter what the item is, it could be anything. After I purchase the item, I feel so guilty I wind up returning them even if it's something I really want. When I buy something I know I'll really enjoy, the little voice (that we all have) goes off and says, "everytime you look at this item, you're going to think bad things." So usually everytime I look at it, I think bad things and the only way to calm the obsession is to return the item.

After returning the item, it's usually followed up by depression because it's something I really wanted, but I can't have, and I know the only reason I'm depressed is because my OCD made me take it back.

According to my therapist, spending on items I enjoy means releasing my inner child to have fun. And of course the inner child can be irrisponsible and out of control, and by returning items I'm not letting my inner child have any fun, and in essence monitoring that inner child so it doesn't get out of control. It's the wants versus the needs.

I suppose it didn't help that my father yelled at me about every little thing I bought when I was younger. "What do you need that for?" "Why don't you save your money?" "Why do you spend money on stuff you don't need?" He used to freak out, and still does, even if I asked him for 3 dollars until payday to buy a tube of toothpaste.

I was just wondering if anyone else can relate, and how you cope with it.

 
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Old 09-13-2006, 07:24 PM   #2
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Re: Buying Then Returning??

The other important thing to remember with OCD is that you should expose yourself to the anxiety, Exposure Therapy..
In other words, you should not return the item and feel guilty and feel uncomfortable. My therapist explained that doing that exposes you to the OCD and that over time that is how the obsession will subside..

I feel guilty when I spend $ all of the time, even on food shopping... I have a hard time food shopping, b/c I will doubt if I really need this, or which is cheaper.. it is a pain!!!
You are not alone...
I don't return, I keep some things to the end and decide once I see the bill if I want to buy the other stuff

 
Old 09-13-2006, 07:41 PM   #3
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Re: Buying Then Returning??

Purple-

Well I try to expose myself to buying things and keeping them, but sometimes I loose the battle. The problem is the fact that I feel I cannot enjoy an item because everytime I look at it I think of bad things, which is my minds way of sabotaging my happiness.

As far as food or items necessary for hygiene, I have no problems with those items because we all need them to live. It's just things that you buy for fun, or don't necisarily need.

Thanks for the post!

 
Old 09-24-2006, 12:18 PM   #4
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Re: Buying Then Returning??

I do the same thing, I buy something I really want and maybe even need. Then I feel guilty like I'm not worth spending money on, so I return it. It was so bad for awhile I would not buy anything new for myself, like clothes. If it did not come a yard sale I did without. I would find nice clothes for 25 cents, that was ok but one day I found a shirt I wanted (ll bean) but they wanted a ($1.00). I wouldn't spend a whole dollar on myself!

My husband never say anything about money, but like you my Mom sure did!

Purplegirl, I like your advice> I have been wanting a wireless mouse, my husband surprise me with one, even those I love it, I feel it cost to much.
I was planning to return it but now I won't!

 
Old 09-24-2006, 03:38 PM   #5
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Re: Buying Then Returning??

I am telling you, as much as I have a very hard time doing it myself, exposing yourself is the best. I make a very strict budget for myself and hubby (we are trying to pay off credit card debt)... and if I deviate from the budget I feel sooo guilty. Like we want to have friends over this coming Friday night, I am obsessing that it will cost some money to buy food, etc.., but that is life, you have to live a little bit, so I have to just say oh well, buy reasonable things, not $200 worth of food, ya know, $50 is reasonable and plenty of money...yes, my therapist says to expose yourself to all the obsessions....

 
Old 09-24-2006, 03:38 PM   #6
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Re: Buying Then Returning??

I am telling you, as much as I have a very hard time doing it myself, exposing yourself is the best. I make a very strict budget for myself and hubby (we are trying to pay off credit card debt)... and if I deviate from the budget I feel sooo guilty. Like we want to have friends over this coming Friday night, I am obsessing that it will cost some money to buy food, etc.., but that is life, you have to live a little bit, so I have to just say oh well, buy reasonable things, not $200 worth of food, ya know, $50 is reasonable and plenty of money...yes, my therapist says to expose yourself to all the obsessions....

 
Old 09-24-2006, 04:52 PM   #7
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Re: Buying Then Returning??

Quote:
Originally Posted by windymoon
I do the same thing, I buy something I really want and maybe even need. Then I feel guilty like I'm not worth spending money on, so I return it. It was so bad for awhile I would not buy anything new for myself, like clothes. If it did not come a yard sale I did without. I would find nice clothes for 25 cents, that was ok but one day I found a shirt I wanted (ll bean) but they wanted a ($1.00). I wouldn't spend a whole dollar on myself!
Windy-

Well I'm glad that I'm not the only one with this obsession. Like I said I think it had alot to do with my dad through all the years questioning everything I bought. My therapist says that it has to to with my inner child and keeping myself in control. Buying unnecessary things makes my inner child happy, but yet the responsible side of me says, "a responsbile adult wouldn't waste money on something like that." But my inner child says, "I want it, I don't care what a resonsible adult would do, I WANT IT!"

So if I go ahead and listen to my inner child, my responsible side says, "you're out of control with your money," and that's where the symptoms start because my OCD tells me I'm not being responsible, and I'm out of control. So to put myself back in control, I return the item even if I CAN afford it and I want it. It's not a matter of whether or not I have the money because in most cases I do have the money.

The way I'm dealing with it is I buy myself at least one enjoyable thing each paycheck, even if it's not that much money to try to expose myself a little more each week.

Thanks for all the great feedback!!

 
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