help for family member who hoards? - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

vjo1230 · 10-16-2006, 08:59 AM

Hi. This is my first post ANYWHERE, but I wasn't able to find info that I was looking for with google searches. I appreciate the opportunity to ask the "experts"!

My aunt (70 years old, still active, never married, lives alone but with 3 dogs & 2 cats), has an undiagnosed disorder. I'm thinking it must be OCD. This weekend our family helped try & move her out of the house she's lived in for almost 30 years. Without going through all the details, I'll just say she has MANY if not ALL of the symptoms of a hoarder.

Can anyone give me any advice on how to approach her on getting help? How helpful is medication? Therapy? (She has health insurance, but not any extra $$$ for uncovered expenses). Our first attempts to bring OCD up, she seems open to, but when push comes to shove (actually throwing things out), she typically gets defensive, saying it's "her stuff" "good stuff". And that no one should ask or expect her to just throw it away. (believe me, it's not "good stuff"!)

Are there any good, simple to understand, books or articles that you can direct me to that I might give her?

rosequartz · 10-16-2006, 09:19 AM

where did she move to?
does she have room to keep her stuff?
if it makes her happy, I don't see the harm in it......at least she doesn't have dozens of animals.

DevinM322 · 10-16-2006, 09:22 AM

Hoarders think their stuff is good stuff, regardless of the condition it's in. And no one is going to be able to force them into giving up the items. If you push too much, very likely she will shut you out.

There are a few groups on Yahoo that deal with hoarding and family members. They will probably be able to better help you as I am not exactly a hoarder. However, I am friends with several but since it hasn't boiled down to me trying to help them clean up, I really am not an expert in that part of the process.

What I do know is with medication and therapy, it won't be instant. She won't wake up the next day and suddenly want to change. It will be a slow process. I guess it comes down to how bad her place really is and if it's a health hazard. It is on some level, especially if it's paper items or boxes which could easily catch on fire. It doesn't take long for a fire to spread in a home without a bunch of stuff, so imagine how fast a house full of stuff would go up in flames. But, the big issue is how dirty the house is. If she's living in squalor that is severe, then comes the issue of the state stepping in. Even if you or another family member don't report her, someone else may very well do so.

It's a touchy topic and one that needs a gentle approach.

fancis · 10-16-2006, 10:37 AM

There's a great site that I'm not allowed to post here. Try searching for the 2 words children and hoarders and see what you come up with. :-)

Hoarding is a form of OCD and very difficult to treat. A slow process that combines both medication and therapy.

Good luck!!!

vjo1230 · 10-16-2006, 11:05 AM

Rosequartz, let me describe things. She is moving in with her brother because she was one more late payment from forclosure on her house. Her 2 car garage was stacked floor to ceiling with cardboard boxes, storage boxes & other items. The garage was infested with rats. Cleaning it out, the smell was horrible, we found 2 dead rats & feces & urine everywhere. We also found several boxes of things that she bought from QVC that were not ever even opened.

That's the garage. Inside the house, smells like urine from the cats & dogs. The carpeting hasn't been changed, ever, and is badly stained. She had a leak in her master bath which destroyed the carpet. It was ripped out & the floor in her bedroom is just cement. She hasn't slept in her bedroom for years because of the amount of things/stuff in it. Lots of clothes, old, don't fit, work clothes (she's been retired for 20 years), new things with tags. Kitchen pantry & refrigerator stuffed to maximum, even with old expired food. ALL rooms in the house stacked with clothes, stuff & animals.

Someone might think she's just a dirty person, but I believe it's OCD. She is a "collector". When we were trying to move out her storage bins from the garage, she had to go through EACH piece of paper & EACH piece of clothing before she would let us either donate or trash it. (Or in more cases than not, she wanted to move it with her.)

Now, she's moved in with my uncle who's house was already very full, even though it's a large house (4 brm/3 bath). EACH room in that house (plus garage) is now stacked with her things. There is literally no place for it to go.

She's actually a wonderful, very caring person who would give you the shirt off her back. To see her out, she's always VERY well put together & outgoing. I do believe she needs to see someone who can officially diagnose her. It is most certainly a problem.