How do I stop from hating him? - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

germaphoabhubby · 10-22-2006, 01:41 PM

I believe my husband is a germaphoab. He won't touch door handles, he won't go down an isle in a store if someone is in that isle, he won't sit down in other houses or very few places in ours, for that matter, etc. I can honestly say that I don't like to be around him. He is a very cold man. He doesn't laugh. We have a 4 year old and all I want is to have a happy family. He refuses therapy or medication and now I can't sleep at night because of this. Any suggestions?

BadMalibu · 10-22-2006, 07:54 PM

Germ-

First of all I'd like you to understand that most likely your husband is suffering from some form of OCD. Believe me when I say that those of us that have OCD don't want it, would rather live life without it, and realize that it's completely irrational to have these thoughts. You cannot fault your husband for something he doesn't understand or might not be willing to accept.

He might be cold and distant because he doesn't know how to deal with his OCD and think that by separating himself from you and your family that he can avoid feelings he might be having like being scared, insecure, or afraid of certain things.

The bottom line is you can't make someone get help that doesn't want to. They have to want the help, and in order to fix themselves they have to admit two things: 1. They have a problem 2. They want help. Your husband might not know how to go about getting the help that he needs. My recommendation would be to find a good CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapist) in your area.

Hope this helps...

Psychobabble · 10-22-2006, 10:27 PM

Hi Germaphobe,

First of all, it is commendable that you are seeking advice on getting help for your husband as it shows you really care about him. Second of all, like BadMalibu has said, it certainly seems like your husband is suffering from some kind of OCD.

You say that your husband is cold and distant, however, this might be a symptom of depression due to the hold that OCD has on him. May I ask whether he has always been this way? If it is a recent thing, then it may be because he is having trouble coping with his obessions; and distancing himself and acting 'cold' might be the only way he feels he can reduce the feelings of anxiety (as BadMalibu has said). I know from personal experience that OCD can make you feel so debilitated that you do not want to be around anyone. Since most of my obessions centered around the most important people in my life, it was easier to simply avoid them (so I wouldn't have to face my obessions and feel the anxiety they produced) and plant myself in front of the t.v. or sleep all day.

Also, your husband's refusal to getting therapy or drugs may be due to him not being ready to admit that he has a problem. It is a hard thing to face up to (especially since things like OCD are so stigmatized in our society). However, in time, he will be ready and then he will be more likely to seek treatment. It takes different amounts of time for different people. Until then, all I can suggest is to just be supportive. Perhaps do some research on OCD to gain a better understanding of it (there are lots of books about it with sections on how you can help a loved one with OCD as well as how you yourself can cope...while it is hard for the person who suffers from OCD it is also hard for the people who care about that person!). A little research can go a long way in terms of establishing understanding and learning effective ways to help. Posting on this forum is a great first step in that process. I wish you and your husband the best of luck. OCD can be treated, especially with supportive family members to help