=^..^= Spouses that dont understand - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

LittleZanyone · 10-23-2006, 07:50 AM

SO is it just me, or is all spouses with partners with OCD and Anxiety NOT so understanding.

Example: my spouse will makes comments to me like, you need to stop, your OCD is acting up. OR if I do something that doesnt make him happy an event or something, he states I need to up my meds. I told him the things he is stating these issues about has nothing to do with OCD. I tried to get him to research it so he will understand what I am going through, and how I react to many things. He just dont get it! I believe he tries to use it against me, to make himself feel better. He is my husband but yet I at most times I feel 1000 miles apart because of my OCD and anxiety. I am glad you are all here, you are my own little

's. Thank you for listening. At times I feel I am all so alone in my battle.

steveo23 · 10-23-2006, 08:52 AM

Hey

Sorry to hear how you are feeling. My family and friends never really understood my OCD, despite my best efforts to enlighten them on the subject. It does annoy you, because theres no excuse really. I sometimes think my doc doesnt know what he is talking about. Only one of my friends understands, and then she only gets it because the poor girl went through an eating disorder, which has similar obsessive qualities.

I always get the "cant you just stop?". STOP? If I could I wouldnt have OCD!

Steve

Psychobabble · 10-23-2006, 09:05 AM

I agree about how frustrating and annoying it is when someone tells you to 'just stop' and other things like that. When I was a kid (about 11 years old) and going through one of the worst bouts of OCD I ever had, my mom would tell me 'not to start' or 'just stop'. Not only did it annoy me, but it deeply hurt me because she obviously didn't understand what I was going through (and neither did I because I was just 11 and I didn't know what was going on in my head). And obviously I didn't 'stop' no matter how many times she told me to...so it was clear that that approach was not working. I don't know if she was denying that there was a problem or thought I would 'grow out of it.' I also remember that when I was even younger (around 8) I started pulling my hair out. Well, apparently it frustrated my mom that I was doing this and I actually remember her yelling at me to stop. It did scare the crap out of me (which I think she was trying to do in order for me to stop) but that's all the yelling did: scare me. I still kept pulling because the compulsion was so strong. All I ended up with was a quarter-sized bald spot, diminished self-esteem, and hurt feelings.

Also, I hate it when people say that you need to 'up the meds' when you are having a tough time. It is very condescending and they don't understand that meds are not a cure-all...they are an aid to reducing anxiety.

Arrrggg! How hard is it to do a little research to gain a better understanding of something??...then they might realize that we cannot just 'stop' and that certain comments or 'suggestions' can be very hurtful no matter how well intended they are.

I too am glad this forum exists because it allows us to vent about stuff like this to other people who understand the problem and the pain it causes!

xxxzoexxx · 10-23-2006, 01:52 PM

It seems like your husband is being quite patronising. My ex boyfriend would do similar things. We once had an arugument and he used my anxiety problems, as a come back, he said "just remeber which one of us is in therapy!" as to make me feel bad that i was getting help. it wasn't anything to do with what we were aruging about! I found he did talk about my problems to make him feel better too. I can understand when people don't fully understand, but no one should use your disorder to make you feel worse.

BadMalibu · 10-23-2006, 08:17 PM

XXX-

Most people that don't have OCD find it very hard to understand. "Why can't you just stop?" "Why can't you just let it go?" They don't understand the dynamics behind OCD. They recognize it as irrational, and so do we. The best part is we DON'T want to have it and recoginze it as irrational, but some people just cannot understand. Going back to the old saying, don't judge me until you walk a mile in my shoes. Your husband needs to be supportive of you and avoid quick comments like, "you should up your meds."

My advice would be to really sit down and talk with him and tell him that comments like those don't help you, they hurt you, and as your husband he should be there to support you. Support for people that have OCD is very important. We need people to listen, be supportive, and not look at us in a different light because we have OCD. In a way your husband could be rejecting you, or rejecting the fact that you have OCD. Rejection, in any form, hurts, and if he's in denial that you have it or thinks there's nothing wrong with you, that doesn't show he's willing to support you in your battle.