karimah1

I have a question about a fear that is killing me. I have had ocd ever since I could remember but was diagnosed in me early 20's (I am now in my mid 30's).

I used to have alot of rituals along with obsessions but now I mostly obsess. CBT really helped the rituals but I do not know what to do with my obsession. I have intrusive thoughts that are very painful, example, I love my dog more then anything, just absolutely adore her but I will get a intrusive thought such as what if I hit my dog and then I get so upset and sick to my stomach and feel so guilty and hate myself for having such a thought, but it does not end there, I then analyze whether I really do want to hit the dog and then I check my arms to see if there is feeling in them of wanting to hit the dog and then I feel energy in my arms and I get emotionally destroyed because I don't want to hurt my dog. (I have never hit my dog)

Also when I am at a stoplight and people are walking I get the thought what if I ran them over, and then I check my body and to see if I want to run them over and then I will feel energy in my leg that is on on the gas pedal, this is so disturbing to me because I feel like I am this evil, horrible person and I don't want to be a bad person, but the guilt is horrible, and then I get angry that I always feel guilty and then I feel guilty for feeling angry.

I used to turn to my religion, and I have begged God to help me and have tried to find relief at church and leaders at church have said that there must be unconfessed sin in my life and that is why I feel so guilty so then I obsess maybe I have blocked out something horrible I have done and it is a matter of time before I am rotting in jail somewhere.

I can't take it anymore, some days are better then others but this is difficult. I really need to know if other people with ocd whom check their bodies for reactions to intrusive thoughts and feel energy or is this just me and I really want to do these horrible things. Please help!!