Curtis35

Hello everyone, I am new to this board and just looking for a little feedback.

I really don't know how to even begin. I feel somewhat embarrased to even be here taking up space when what I deal with seems so small compared to the heights OCD can reach.

What I have been told is that I suffer from OCD, or more specifically, Obsessive Compulsive Personality. I've realized for quite some time that I had a little OCD due to my urge to clean and organize, but not until some recent struggles with my marriage of 5 years did some other troubles become clear.

I have had small bouts of depression and anxiety attacks in the past, but nothing that I didn't feel was normal for anyone my age (25-30), so I didn't attribute it to anything being wrong. I have also had a long running bout with feelings of disappointment about wasting my life/opportunities up until this point and not working harder to be more successful. I felt that I was just resting on my natural abilities and being satisifed with it, feeling like I was lazy and satisfied with average. What my wife began pointing out and becoming upset with was my habit of either not starting a project I promised to, or dragging out/stopping a project that I had started. I realized I had always had this same problem with my different jobs, which caused me great stress and anxiety.

We came to realize that most of this was driven by me becoming overwhelmed by my need to have the end product/result be absolutely perfect, and not knowing how to achieve it.

I have been told this can be called perfectionism, where you become so obsessed with the details that you forget what you were doing in the first place. This feeds right in with my desire to always have things clean and organized, and not being comfortable until it is.

Like I said, I dont' feel as though my problems are very large on the scale with other OCD's, but I would love to hear if there are others here who have shared some of my problems and if there are any reccomendations on steps for me to take or books to read.

I am in the process of finding a therapist to look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and I do have the internet and some books - but nothing beats personal experiences, right??

Thank you so much if you took the time to wade through this. I look forward to hearing back and also to reading this posting board further.

C