Impulse Control? Freaking myself out! - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

artsykid · 11-06-2006, 08:28 AM

I can not stop looking stuff up on the internet and it just freaks me out even more. In a post I wrote earlier, I mentioned that I kept having intrusive thoughts about pulling my eyes out - and that I would sometimes poke at, or put pressure on my eyes. Someone mentioned that this is whats called "impulse control". So I looked this up....and somehow came across and article that people with tourettes (which is linked to OCD) poke at their eyes, and some people with self-harming issues will cause severe damage to their eyes. So now I am like, OH NO! Does this mean I am actually going to go through with it? I mean, being blind is a major fear for me (being an artist). I was doing better each day after I wrote my last post, but then today I woke up and got on my computer...and its spiraling down again. It is so frustrating! I am on meds, but maybe I need to see a therapist. These thoughts of self harm are constantly in my mind - sometimes I can ignore them, but other times I am just frozen with fear. Can anyone suggest any books or anything to help me ( i mainly suffer prom pure-o). If we can post titles of books....not sure if we can, Ill read the rules again. Thank you for listening.

artsykid · 11-06-2006, 08:33 AM

By the way, I want to get help for my OCD but sometimes I feel like looking stuff up about it just makes it worse. Kind of like a trigger? So to those of you you have seeked help, does reading about it and talking about it to a therapist help you, or just cause it to come out more? I know that constantly looking stuff up is just another OCD behavior, lol.

steveo23 · 11-06-2006, 08:50 AM

Artsykid

"Impulse control" is a very broad thing. It can relate to gambling, sexual behaviour, self harm, violence, compulsive overeating,... but when we talk about OCD and impulse control, it is quite different. Tourettes IS genetically related to OCD, which is why a lot of OCD sufferers, while they may not have tourettes themselves, suffer from similar patterns of behaviour and postural tremors or twitches. The proportion of people with Tourettes (and OCD) who hurt themsleves is actually very tiny. Actual self harm is very different. OCD sufferers do have thoughts of self harm, but unless you are taking a knife to your arm and are addicted to that self destructive pattern you have little to worry about. The fear "am I actually gonna go through with it" is a typical OCD idea.

Dont read up on the net! It's probably the worse thing you can do when you feel a little fragile minded. I had severe headaches for about a month once when I was feeling low... after looking stuff up on the net everything pointed to me having a brain tumor! But it was as simple and as harmless as anxiety. A lot of the medical info you find online is written by doctors for other doctors and students, so therefore we do no have the correct understanding. A lot of stuff is also not very reliable. That's the down side to the net... it contains lots of stuff that will scare the hell out of you. We read something and then we worry. Everybody does this, but you do this especially if you have OCD.

"Imp of the Mind" is a good book for obsessive thinking. I can't recall the author's name, but you should be able to find it. If you feel you need therapy, it may be a good idea looking into it. It can be quite effective.

Take it easy
Steve

karimah1 · 11-06-2006, 02:02 PM

My personal opinion is that therapy can help but looking up things that we are scared of makes it way worse. Depending upon what you read you can set yourself up for days of torture. We are so highly suggestable and I can pick up by reading or a show a disease, mental illness and fear of turning into a criminal and freak myself completely out.

I also have to be careful about what I watch in the news, I am mostly a pure o, and news can set me off in a really bad way. In fact when I get a really scary obsession that I can't seem to let go of, one of the first things my therapist will ask is, o.k. what law and order episode did you watch this time.

I suggest to go easy on the research/torture.

FSUgirl · 11-06-2006, 06:57 PM

i can relate to you a bit. you said that you poke at your eyes. well i also suffer from self harm obsessions. when i was really bad i would "test" myself. for example i would hold a knife to my wrist to see if i would acutally do it. it was my way of proving to myself that they were only thoughts, not somehting i really wanted to do. so that could be what you are doing. there is an ocd workbook that has a little blurb about "testing".
hope this helped a bit

oh and i too used to spend hours looking on the internet for my same obsessions and it only got me more anxious. once i found message boards, i've stopped searching the web. there is too much info out there and it only gets us going crazy. i used to try to info on self harm obsessions and would only end up on suicidal websites that would tell me to seek immediate medical help...yeah, that really helped my anxiety !!!!!!!!!!