New to the Forum-Not to OCD
It started when I was in 7th grade. I had told my friend a lie about something that I said happened to me. I thought nothing of it for a whole year, until one day, I just HAD to tell her the truth. So I did, and she didn't mind. I felt a sigh of relief and I felt so innocent. But then later I was in the car with my brother, trying to think of the perfect time to tell him I used his pencil sharpener without asking. I had started talking to people like this.
"Yea, that test took like 500 hours. I mean, no probably like 30 min. Or something. I don't know. Sorry, I don't really know."
I would say "Sorry" to everything I would do wrong. "Sorry, I tripped. Sorry, I took your folder without asking."
I would also say "Excuse me". "Excuse me, I touched my hair. Excuse me, I laughed."
My friends kept telling me to STOP, but I knew I couldn't.
My parents and brother were no help either. They just didn't understand what I was going through. I didn't know what I was going through either.
OCD happened the most for me after one of my best friends hated me. Just hated me for telling my best friend something I wasn't suppose to.
I was overly deppressed. All I could think about was him. I'd always think he'd come back and say sorry. But he never did.
I soon started washing my hands a ton. If I touched my leg where I had a cut on it, I'd think "Blood! Gotta wash my hands!!" If I touched my hair or any where pretty much on my body, I'd have to wash my hands. After I'd wash them. I'd try to sit and not let them touch anything. But if one hit my knee, I'd have to go wash them again.
I couldn't stop doing any of this. It would take me tons of time to do my tests at school. I'd have to erase and make each one perfect, exactly. I'd have to write my notes perfectly.
When I'd go to bed, I'd have to clear the way in case my parents came in. What if they got hurt, tripped on a penny that was on my floor, leading to my bed? I'd have to keep checking if the door (to my bedroom) was unlocked- in case of a fire. I would have to walk through my door a certain way, walk into any room a certain exact way.
It was complete hell.
I don't really know how I overcame it, I slowly stopped saying excuse me and sorry. But it was because my friends would say "Just don't say it today." Or I'd make them say it, so I heard it and knew. But I would at times say it outloud, when no one was around. OCD was taking over my life.
I still partially have OCD. I wash my hands more than regular people, it takes me a while to get to bed. Mostly, I'm better. Without and therapist help.
Though this whole time, I didn't have anyone to talk to.
I just want to see if I really DID have OCD, and if I do still now.
Thanks a ton,