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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board


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Old 01-04-2007, 03:58 PM   #1
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uk_guy1988 HB User
Girlfriend and Smoking

Hey everyone

I'm driving myself mad with this one.

A but about me - I'm 21 years old and I've suffered OCD all my life, the problem causing side of it being the 'Pure-O' obsessions.

There is always some sort of obsession dominating me at some point.

Well to get to the problem - I have a wonderful girilfriend who I'm deeply in love with and I know she feels exactly the same.

Thing is she's only 17 so shes still at high school (I'm from the UK btw).

Now she's a regular smoker and I'm not (think she smokes around 10 a day, + or - depending on if we're out in the pub/bar) - my social group dis-approved of smoking when I grew up, but she's grown up with it around her and all her friends smoke (and everyone in her town seems to smoke to!) so it's something she's obviously used to.

Now I've never really had a problem with in until now for some reason!

The last few weeks I have been feeling more and more strongly about it - I keep thinking (and getting really angry for some reason) thats she only does it because she thinks it's 'cool' and I worry for her health all the time now.

I don't like the smell anyway but I move away and get really annoyed when she lights up and I'm at the point where I can't look at her - she knows that I hate it now but wonders why all of a sudden I am annoyed with it.

I'm just so obsessed with this right now and I hate her smoking soooo much but I know it's my obsessiveness in over-drive! I keep ruminating and I know I shouldn't and I stop myself - but because I'm not counter-balancing the negative thoughts I'm getting so down.

I know this will pass and I no I have to accept she smokes (she said it's part of who she is but thats just silly) and she has to realise I don't like it and understand my feelings.

Please I need some people thoughts just to help me because I have no-one else to speak to who understands.

Thank you very much,

uk_guy

 
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Old 01-04-2007, 04:47 PM   #2
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moviefan5000 HB User
Re: Girlfriend and Smoking

I used to smoke. It made me want to smoke more when my girlfreind gave me an attitude about it. I just wanted to know that I could smoke if i wanted to. I dont smoke anymore. i quit when i was ready. it is hard to listen to yourself when others are yelling at you. Plus she is only 17. shes going to say a lot of silly things.

i would just focus on the good things about her. she knows how you feel shell come around.

it is a bad, disgusting, horrible habbit i hope she realizes soon for her own sake.

Last edited by moviefan5000; 01-04-2007 at 04:48 PM.

 
Old 01-04-2007, 04:48 PM   #3
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rumor2121 HB User
Re: Girlfriend and Smoking

are you sure its not because of your friends excepting it? im a little confused because you said that you and your friends dont like it! or is it u just cant get it out of your mind , that your friends dont like it! and you just keep thinking about it ! rumor 2121

 
Old 01-05-2007, 01:54 AM   #4
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uk_guy1988 HB User
Re: Girlfriend and Smoking

Hi

To clarify it's not to do with my friends really - just when I was growing up with them we all thought it was stupid to smoke and if you did it was only because you were trying to be cool (which isn't cool if you see what I mean).

Our opinion of anyone who smoked in our age group was they were either idiots, trouble makers or tarts.

Its so strange when I see or think of my girlfriend lighting up or smoking when we're walking along the road together she just looks so tarty or stupid where as before it never bothered me!

Thanks

 
Old 01-05-2007, 12:35 PM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 108
basal1999 HB User
Re: Girlfriend and Smoking

this is interesting, i am on day 2 of quitting....wish me luck!!

anyway, if you've always felt bad about smoking, i'm
surprised it hasn't bothered you much before??

i always feel that ocd has to be unreasonable. i am pure o
and have harming thoughts.....but not liking smoking
is real and justified........am i making any sense.

i don't know if these feelings are ocd.

kris

 
Old 01-05-2007, 01:07 PM   #6
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uk_guy1988 HB User
Re: Girlfriend and Smoking

Hi

Yeah its definatley OCD - although I do dis like he smoking the way I'm obession over this isn't normal. She doesn't really smoke around me anymore but I'm still getting distressed.

I keep trying to work out how mch she's smoked each day - for some reason my mind keeps wanting her to stop so bad and it's trying to do so through anger but I know this isn't right.

I need to accept she does and I need to accept that I can't make her quit which is driving me nuts for some reason!

I constantly worry how she's going to look in like 10 years time etc.

I got like this with my dad and his drinking once.

I need to stop ruminating and stop thinking bad things - I need to tell myself she's only 17 and people do all sorts when their younger.

Anyway goog luck wth the quitting! Sorry I needed a rant - I'm away to meet her soon so I'm not going to get stressed if she lights up, keep cool.

Thanks!

 
Old 01-07-2007, 07:19 AM   #7
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 38
uk_guy1988 HB User
Re: Girlfriend and Smoking

hey

bit unexpected turn yesterday - my girlfriend says she wants to quit smoking for me. i know she should want to herself but i think im getting through to her it isnt cool and its smelly, horrible etc.

im really pleased at this - she normally smokes around 10 a day which is quite a lot for a teenage girl i think.

so ive created a plan which means she can smoke a max of 5 a day for a month but never when shes with me - if she can stick to this im rewarding her and we'll aim higher.

hope it works - my obsession is still there but i think it will get better!

 
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