A question... - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

azale · 01-28-2007, 04:38 PM

I've always kinda had my "moments" of worrying, but nothing very severe. Then about two weeks ago I had this totally irrational fear that I had had a stroke, I got over that and the next day I was a little lightheaded and felt a feeling of detachment (something very scary for me considering I had never felt it before and didnt understand it, now I know it derives itself from a level of fear that affects your perception). Then, after finally getting a diagnosis of it (the lightheadedness, which stressed for 4 days nonstop about how it could be a brain tumor or something horrible) and kinda getting off of that, this uncontrollable worry of dying in my sleep overcame me.

That worry started when I was walking around in my school, getting my teachers to sign a form that let me be released from public school and begin homeschooling (nothing to do with my anxiety). It hit me very suddenly, I thought "what if I die in my sleep?". I almost took this as a vision and I freaked myself out, not wanting to sleep and thinking every day was my last.

I just started getting off of that when I was hit with this completely dehabiliting panic attacks. To cope with my irrational fear, I thought "well, if I can make it through the next 5 minutes, I wont die in my sleep" soon I thought "well, if I make it to 12". As I neared 12, and for about 4 hours, I was in total panic mode, thinking "what have I done, oh crap oh crap, I'm going to die at 12 or before."

Then, as I recovered from that, I tried not to think of timers anymore by concentrating on the irrationality of my sleep fear. I was thinking about that fear when I saw a car back over some kind of liquid in a walmart parking lot, causing this burst of the substance. This triggered "oh no, thats how its going to happen, something is going to crush my head in my sleep!".

I tried to rationalize that by thinking nothing in my house can do that, and then I thought "well, what if my head just randomly exploded?" and now I have this completely irrational fear of my head exploding at any moment! I hate this so much...but I dunno if Paxil will help.

That last fear especially freaked me out and has for the last week or so, as I usually go in waves of feeling stupid, paranoid, and totally helpless as I think to deeply on what could happen...hell, I saw a show on aliens and that triggered this whole conspiracy theory of aliens messing with my head. What scares me the most is the fact that I am dwelling on these thoughts when normal people wouldnt.

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I posted this on the anxiety board and its apparent I have some serious anxiety issues...but is this also indicative of possible OCD?

steveo23 · 01-28-2007, 05:21 PM

Hey

OCD IS an anxiety disorder, and considering the nature of the symptoms you describe, then yes, OCD is a real possibility.

The classic hallmark of OCD is the "what if?" What if I left the door unlocked? What if you can get AIDS from touching a door handle? What if that dizziness really is a brain tumor? It's not really the content of your symptoms, but rather the disturbing thoughts (obsessions), which can be about a variety of things; everything from health to disease, from religion to sexuality, etc, and the compulsions (behaviours, mental OR physical) to reduce the anxiety. Compulsions may be very, very subtle. You seem to describe both. Furthermore, you have a great deal of insight into these worries... despite the very real nature of the concerns. This is also true of OCD sufferers. The anxiety OCD creates can produce symptoms more common to general anxiety disorders, and sometimes the condition can go unnoticed or be misdiagnosed.

No one can diagnose you online. I suggest you speak to a doctor, because you clearly do have trouble with anxiety, and if the source IS OCD, it needs to be treated asap. It's always a case of sooner the better with this type of problem.

By the way, you ARE normal. Normal people do get these rather irrational thoughts and worries all the time, some more than others. They say everyone is a little obsessive compulsive, and this is true. The difference with us is that these very natural patterns of thinking have grown out of control and are interfering with us emotionally and in terms of our functioning. Paxil is not the only drug out there for anxiety related problems, there are many, and also very effective types of behavioural therapy. Speak to your doc!

Good luck
Steve