I've been on meds for OCD for more than 10 years. I have other issues, including PTSD and bipolar disorder. I've been on meds for a total of 15 years. The meds allow me to function outside a hospital. But I've had some difficult experiences with therapy. Obsessions and compulsions are just that - you can't stop.
I tried therapy a few years ago and on my first visit, when OCD entered our discussion, it came out that I had a problem masturbating more than 40 times each evening. I was, and still am, extremely ashamed of that problem.
The therapist was clearly shocked and made it known that she thought that was weird. I didn't need that. Come on, they've heard it all. Needless to say, even though I do tend to be overly sensitive, that was the first and last visit.
Comfort and trust are important in therapy. Opening up is difficult without those factors. Meds helped me control that problem, but the therapist made me feel like a freak.
Remember guys, you have a right to feel comfortable and secure with your therapist. You're people. You deserve respect. If you don't feel comfortable, there's nothing wrong with moving on to the next counselor. Most truly do want to help.
Did you stop to think that she was being "objectively subjective" and the wrong words came out. Maybe the therapist meant to say "now that's interesting, let's explore that" but instead the "that's weird" comment came about?
If you didn't get that vibe, then maybe you were right.
One thing that I suggest is that anything that is questionable in a person's mind (especially while in session), they bring it to the forefront.
Remember above all else that therapists are human beings and in it's simplest form, this is "human interaction in a room; one person seeks guidance while the other assists in providing it(in my opinion,anyway).
It's been a bad week, FTM. I love you. My rant IS NOT directed at you. You're a precious friend. Please know from where I speak.
For 16 years, I've officially been a page in a mental health book.
I successfully hid my illness from everyone except immediate family and close friends until I flipped out at the end of 2005. Employers always thought I was a quirky artist, acquaintances thought I was eccentric.
Heaven forbid anyone ever find out you take anti-psychotic or anti-depressant drugs. To them, your voice suddenly becomes like a barking dog.
Functioning in a world of 'normal' people is a struggle when your brain is not functioning normally. I give up my dignity by revealing my illness.
So when I reveal some humiliating aspect of my illness to a professional who should know the pain connected with that symptom, I'm at their mercy to grant me dignity in their office.
In my experience, I've found most mental health professionals to be sincere, genuinely wanting to help. It takes a special person to deal with a mentally ill patient.
A bad experience with a mental health professional is typified by a stay in a psychiatric hospital. In those places, you can’t hide what’s wrong with you, because what’s wrong with you is why you’re there.
Ever look into the eyes of a caged animal, thankful you’re not him? You’re sure he doesn’t know what you’re thinking. You don’t have to make a facial expression because he doesn’t understand and you don't care.
I finally ended up in three cages from 2005 to 2006, and people looked at me. They reminded me that to remain 'human,' I must hide as much of myself as possible.
If you've ever been treated like an embarassing oddity of any sort, you're not quick to speak up for yourself to anyone, especially that jaded therapist who's looking at you like the disease you are. To her, your feelings are symptoms, not opinions or objective points of view. You don't count as an ordinary person.
Am I paranoid right now because I'm bipolar, or obsessing about this issue because I have OCD, or is it because of PTSD that I'm on the defensive because I'm scared of the world?
I need medication to function outside the walls of a hospital, but I know whether or not I'm being judged.
Your nine words: "Ever look into the eyes of a caged animal", left me wondering.
I put myself in the place of a caged animal and I felt angry, sad and yet had nervous anxiety, coupled with fear. I felt stagnant, ashamed and yet hopeless. I was at their mercy; feed me when you want,examine me when you want, let me out for walks "if you want."
I hear you loud and clear.
You also wrote:
"Am I paranoid right now because I'm bipolar, or obsessing about this issue because I have OCD, or is it because of PTSD that I'm on the defensive because I'm scared of the world?"
You could be right on all accounts. This will definitely make for an interesting session with your therapist.
When is your next session?
I never meant to question your judgement but that was the only way to "pull" the equation out of you.
What I would like for my friend to do is to "relax" this weekend.
Provide for a "calming" environment. "Let your hair down."
Take a bath, or several. Go see or rent a "good" movie, or read a good book.
Use this weekend as a "rejuvenator" of sorts; you deserve it and it appears to be much needed.
...I put myself in the place of a caged animal and I felt angry, sad and yet had nervous anxiety, coupled with fear. I felt stagnant, ashamed and yet hopeless. I was at their mercy; feed me when you want,examine me when you want, let me out for walks "if you want."
...I hear you loud and clear.
...I never meant to question your judgement...What I would like for my friend to do is to "relax" this weekend.
FTM,
You don't deserve an uncontrolled rant. Thanks for your tolerance. You've always shown me respect. I didn't mean to push you. My psyche became a fire-breathing dragon.
I very much appreciate your understanding of the caged animal. That means a lot to me. Those feelings are locked up inside me always.
This week, I'm having a hard time with discretion. I mentioned on the PTSD board that my buttons are exposed and ready for pushing. The topic I so wildly addressed is one of my buttons. People go crazy with their buttons.
I usually avoid the OCD and bipolar boards for this reason.
Linear Mode
