asking / confessing / reviewing past events in detail - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

allhonest · 02-10-2007, 04:51 AM

My problem is that whenever I get into a relationship I ask a lot of analytical questions because I feel like I "must" in order to get reassurance. In the beginning it's just a way of making conversation (although I always get them to reveal personal things). As the relationship progresses my analysis become more and more intense and so do the questions. I don't want to put my partners in this situation but I always do. And it always leaves a broken relationship.

I ruminate intensely about past events in which I have done something wrong, going mentally through these events in detail, in order to sort of change the past or solve the problem mentally (although it's obviously impossible). I always need to confess what I am ruminating about and that can be an exhausting experience for my partners.

Of course, people unfamiliar with OCD just believes it to be a part of me and my personality. They think that the way I act is just the way I am. And that hurts intensely. It feels like a "miscarriage of justice".

I have heard about "exposure with response prevention", and it might work for the telling/asking/confessing compulsion.

But what about mental compulsions such as analyzing negative events in the past, in detail? Once it starts it's nearly impossible to stop it. How can one do response prevention when the compulsions are mental?

You are welcome to comment and share your experiences.

ocdengineer · 02-10-2007, 06:55 AM

Have you done any research on Mindfulness Meditation? It works wonders for the thought control part of anxiety dissorders and it also helps you learn to relax not only your body but your mind. Do a little research and see whether it may help. I have OCD as well and do a lot of obsessing. Today is my birthday and it just so happens that my birthday is an incredible day of stress for me. I don't like people making a big deal out of my birthday, so it becomes a stressful event. Anyway, nothing some Xanax and some meditation can't cure. LOL. Do a little research on meditation, you may find it helps a lot with continued practice.

allhonest · 02-10-2007, 07:29 AM

Hi OE! I won't start a big thing here, but Happy Birthday to you!

Thanks for your reply. I have heard about mindful awareness and that the Buddhists practice it (I read about it in the Octobor 06 issue of Psychology Today).

I believe Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz in his book "Brain Lock" also mentioned mindful awareness, in the form of obtaining the role of "The Impartial Spectator", where you are fully aware of your own emotions and thoughts and can see the difference between pathological urges and what's real.

I am into extreme sports and I have seen what focus can do to mental performance. It has also shown me that if you choose to do a risky thing, it helps tremendously on your OCD. It's just a bit comic that I jump off of mountains, while really enjoying it while at the same time need to ask a girl for hours why she for example didn't find a picture of me particularly nice. It's really paradoxical.

On the other hand, I should let people here know that psychoanalytic treatment and especially insight oriented psychotherapy can be harmful. I have attended such therapy for years and I guess this is why I have the telling/asking/confessing compulsion. It tend to make your obsessions worse because your are encouraged to find "meaning" behind your obsessions. And I guess that is the worst thing you can do when you get an obsession. One therapist even told me to try hard to remember, traumatic childhood events. Like THAT would help!

It's absurd to blame bad parental or "hidden" unconscious conflicts to OCD.

What kind of manifestation does your OCD take?

hergy · 02-10-2007, 11:07 PM

In diagnosing my OCD, I was actually given a written form to complete. There are very typical behaviors characteristic of a person with OCD.

Among 'normal' OCD compulsions are:
1)Asking for assurances 2)Need to confess 3)Doubting 4)Repeating behaviors, including speech and action

These happen to be among the most disturbing of my symptoms, as well. And, yes, it can be very exhausting for a close companion. Put yourself in their shoes. As empathetic as they may be, sometimes the problem can seem to have no solution. But there is a solution.

You are searching for assurance, ruminating, needing to confess and overanalyzing negative events. Like you said, once it starts, it's nearly impossible to stop. That's OCD. You're not crazy and those are NOT part of your personality, regardless of what others think.

The difficult thing about mental problems is just that, they affect your mind. People can't see it. So when you speak the distorted thoughts, it's hard for others to separate the illness from the personality.

Are you seeing a mental health professional? I hate taking medicine, but I can vouch for the value of their effectiveness.

The medication I'm administered helps me to have some control over my issues. There's no cure, but you can be helped to manage. I haven't seen that a chemical problem is irreversibly erased by meditation, exposure to fears and the like. However, therapy to help you cope is essential. Proper therapy will include behavior adjustments.

You can live with OCD. Understanding its effects will help you identify the harmful compulsions and make you more likely to grab control over your actions.

I so know where you're coming from on this. You're NOT alone. I constantly crave reassurance that I'm loved, that I'm special, that I've done well at some project. When I have a disturbing thought, I have an overwhelming need to confess it. I have a very difficult time stopping thoughts about past experiences, thinking somehow that my viewpoint will change, thus transforming my feelings into normal responses. It's frustrating for me, so I know it's frustrating for loved ones.

Hang in there. When you need to vent, do it. I've found that doing it here before I do it elsewhere helps me practice getting it out. Do what feels comfortable. If someone suffers a stroke, you easily feel sadness and pity. But you'll never know the pain that person feels. It's similar with OCD. You know the pain. Others do sympathize, but it's impossible for them to get into your head.

Make sure you're getting the proper guidance. You're not doomed to suffer uncontrolled feelings. They won't go away completely, but they can become manageable. Reestablishing healthy relationships and feeling good about yourself is worth it.

Keep me posted.

Love,

Nikki

allhonest · 02-11-2007, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by red_five

You're not crazy and those are NOT part of your personality, regardless of what others think.

Thank you! That was so good to hear. I am touched that somebody understands this. And if this sounds like irony it's not. Thanks! 2,5 years ago I met this girl. Harmful treatment from a "therapist" who didn't have a psychology degree gave me a "full-blown" OCD attack while with the girl. The "therapist" would blame my parents for the problems I told him about (all I told him were really my obsessions, I can see that now). This created intense anxiety by itself. I spent an entire weekend with the girl and her 7 year old kid (because it was "bad" going home to my parents, according to the "therapist"). I sat there with her, telling/confessing that my parents were bad (they are not!) and basically just spoke out loud my intense rumination. I can understand that she got freaked out because I had only known her for 4 weeks.
My parents have luckily been the best and I had a happy and safe upbringing. The girl never wanted to talk to or see me again. I saw her everyday at college and each time I would feel like a monster because she didn't say hi, didn't look at me and was cold as stone towards me. In the years ahead I would meet a lot of girls (8 or something I think) but I ended all because I don't want to experience that again. People have said that their impression of me is that I am rock solid. I am a flight instructor and have a master's degree. I was also tested (thoroughly over several days) by airline psychologists and they approved me to work as an airline pilot.
Perhaps any normal person would obsess too if somebody never wanted to interact with them in any way again.
Her behavior towards me afterwards was certainly the worst thing that could happen with regards to my OCD (if that is indeed what I have). It's like now I can't move back to my home town because she lives there, leaving the town "contaminated". I guess this is what professionals call "thought-object-fusion".

Quote:

Originally Posted by red_five

Are you seeing a mental health professional? I hate taking medicine, but I can vouch for the value of their effectiveness.

Not currently. I have just ended a 2,5 year psycho dynamic psychotherapy and while it has made my own belief in my good personality stronger, it hasn't helped my obsessions.

I am not willing to use meds. I did 7 years ago and will never do that again because it changed my personality. And I know fortunately that I have a solid and good personality.

Quote:

Originally Posted by red_five

I have a very difficult time stopping thoughts about past experiences, thinking somehow that my viewpoint will change, thus transforming my feelings into normal responses.

Yes, I can relate to that. It's like trying to find a "mental key" or that "perfect answer", and all the obsessing would go away. Of course it only makes the obsessions stronger because a mental marker is put on the "spiking" thought, increasing the probability that it will occur again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by red_five

Make sure you're getting the proper guidance. Reestablishing healthy relationships and feeling good about yourself is worth it.

Keep me posted.

Love,

Nikki

Thanks. I will now that I am aware of the problem and have bought 5 self-help books on the issue. Edna B. Foa, Ph. D. seems to be one of the leading academics on the subject.
Did you try mindfulness meditation? I have read that mindful awareness can be the first step in combating this disorder.

All the best to you Nikki. Thanks for a compassionate answer to my post. I have read some of your other posts and I can see that combating OCD while you have other issues can be more challenging. Nevertheless, you'll get stronger the better you get from your disorders. Did you read some of the books out there? I could give you references if you wanted me to.

all the best to you

keep me posted also!