linkin01

Hello, I'm Mike, been dealing with OCD my whole life. I want to introduce myself. My OCD is more about obsessions than compulsions. Most people who know me are surprised to learn I have OCD because for me it's all about internal thoughts and anxiety. As a child, I had more of the classic symptoms.. I became obsessed with swallowing.. and here's one that I didn't know was common until I told my pdoc.. I had to equalize sensations on both sides of my body. If I banged my left leg into something, I had to turn and bang my right leg into it so that sensations would be equal.

But actually as an adult those things left me, but now I deal with obsessions and anxiety. It's very very difficult. I worry about everything.. about whether people hate me, about whether I will be sick forever, and about how much suffering the future holds. (I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis, so I suffer.. and there's a kind of feedback loop where every moment I suffer I get more and more scared about the future.)

I've had a great therapist for many years. Over that time, what I've learned gradually about myself is how the fears start from nothing. It's taken me a long time to see that the racing, fearful thoughts just sort of bubble up for no reason. It's not connected to the reality of the moment. That's the OCD part of it.

I'm on an SSRI and I also developed severe mood swings after a few years so I was dx with Bipolar II and put on mood stabilizers. the mood stabilizers help very much.

In my case, racing thoughts are both OCD and hypomania or possibly a bipolar mixed state. For people who don't like labels, don't worry, I don't regard these labels as a complete description of myself, but as a good working model.

I discovered something that seems to be helping. It's called "Laugh Yoga." It's a class where people engage in structured exercises of laughing together. It really made me feel good. What I noticed was that laughing seems to be a great antidote to the OCD thoughts. The thoughts bubble up out of nothing.. so they are a kind of "negative energy" that threatens to take over my brain.. well, if I laugh I generate positive energy that sweeps away the negative energy.

By the way, I can't stand people who say "I'm an optimist, to me the glass is half full." Usually they are averse to negative feelings. They don't want to listen to the suffering of others. To me, the laughing is not pushing away my pain.. it sweeps away the anxiety. There's a critical difference. The OCD anxiety just bubbles up and has no meaning. You might as well sweep it away. But real pain and painful memories and so on.. those need to be listened to.

What I've learned from laughing for no reason, is that laughing is just pure positive energy. It's the opposite of OCD energy. Laughing doesn't mean laughing "at" pain, or laughing "at" yourself. It's more just a chemical biological thing that generates endorphins, hormones, and positive brain energy. When you laugh, you are not engaging in a belief that things are good, or that the "glass is half full." You are just generating good feeling.

anyway, that's me. Hope to participate more,
Mike

edit: the class I found is in the Los Angeles area. This is a worldwide phenomenon, however.