new relationship and i feel like im destroying it - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

HYB1013 · 02-12-2007, 01:38 PM

This is my first ever post so i will give you a little background of myself. I have not been clinically diagnosed as OCD as of yet, but i have been called it by my psychologist and family doctor. When I was young I refused to go to school because of a fear that i was going to die there and as i grew older it took other forms, such as a fear that i was "turning" homosexual and that I was "turning" into a pedophile. Neither of these being remotely true I've been seeking out help and have my first appointment with a psychiatrist on Thursday of this week, Feb. 15th, keep me in your prayers. At this point in my life, I will have to admit that i feel completely numb. Numb is really about the only feeling i have. Thus, my newest problem, a new boyfriend. I am 22 and he is 27, I have had a crush on him from afar for about a year now. He's wonderful, most everything i would've asked for in a man. Yet I can't seem to get those nasty intrusive thoughts out of my mind. It's only been a month, so naturally there are many confusing doubts and ruminations that should be there, but I wake up thinking about it and fall asleep thinking about it. Doubting the fact that I even have feelings for him, especially when he isn't around, when he's with me, i can make the thoughts go right out the window. i don't know what to do. i want to be with this man, i want to give it a shot, try and feel something, try and let this wall down, but my thoughts are making me crazy and physically anxious. Has anyone been through this? Or maybe, have any advice about where I should go from here in terms of getting help. Thank you!

divalou · 02-13-2007, 05:15 AM

hey there;
first of all, your not alone. ive been posting on here for a couple of months for exactly the same reason. I love my boyfriend very much and the same thoughts have been in my head, causing me physical anxiety where i am sick and cant even eat. I get the same doubts, like a voice telling me I'm lying to him or myself about being in love with him. All consuming thoughts too, where I cant concentrate on anything but them. I posted on this forum actually, you should check out my post and read some of the feedback because i found it really helpful.
I also used to suffer from the same thoughts about being a peadophile etc etc and had panic attacks over them for a good 3years and occasionally they come back to haunt me, since being with my boyfriend anyway.
I've never been clinically diagnosed only researched online my thoughts and symptoms and such and people have told me it sounds like i have Pure O or OCD.
I seem to be getting better with my obsession and fears over it all, by just talking about it. I have told my man everything pretty much (all bar the old panic attack stuff) and he understands, and knows I love him and knows I dont want to be with anyone else.
jsut keep talking, to your boyfriend, to people around you and people on here because it does get easier.
and you'd be surprised how many people suffer in the same waya s you and i

HYB1013 · 02-16-2007, 02:00 PM

so i made it through my psychiatric evaluation and was diagnosed with OCD. and as numb as i am right now, i almost cried tears of joy when i was diagnosed, because now i know my psych's know what's going on with me and that this is real and treatable. we made a goal list and im gonna get there. life is good.

divalou · 02-17-2007, 03:09 AM

good to hear it. ive never been diagnosed dunno if i ever will go and actually talk to someone about it.

allhonest · 02-20-2007, 03:30 AM

Just don't do what I did. Don't go to a therapist who's not a psychologist and believe in his suggestion to end the relationship. I did 4,5 years ago and I am still sad about it. She loved me and in fact I think I did too. Still I ended it because the "therapist" provided that as the solution to my problems.