Not the Best Day :c( - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

MissyS · 02-13-2007, 07:36 AM

Hi all,

I have been doing really well, but unfortunately, I'm not having the best day. I woke up and felt great. A little while later I was holding my precious 11 week old daughter and I began to feel panic. The anxiety came first and then the thoughts... What if this means the OCD is going to come back bad? What if I have thoughts about hurting my baby? What if I hurt my baby? (I wasn't having specific thoughts or images in my mind, more just general CRAP). And you know how it goes, it spirals... WHat if I lose control, what if I end up having bad anxiety and can't take care of my baby, what if I snap?... and so on. Soooo... I put the baby down (in a safe place), called my mom to come over and began journaling. I also meditated. I'm feeling a little better, but not great. I'm still a little anxious (I also took a klonopin). My next step is to go for a walk. But I wanted to stop in here and write first because just talking to ther who go through this help me feel better.

THe thing that makes me mad is that this little episode is kind of my fault. I'm supposed to do CBT homework, a little each night and I haven't been doing it. I've been feeling so good lately and my daughter takes up a lot of my time, so I haven't been putting aside time for myself. I should have been. I've even slipped up on my meds a couple times (forgot to take them) AND I forgot to go to my therapy appt. yesterday. I usually write my appts. in my desk calendar and I forgot. SO, really, this is kind of a shame on me rant!

Anyways, thanks for listening. I'm going to go for a walk... (In the cold, brrr...) and hopefully I will get past this.

Missy

Trixibel · 02-13-2007, 05:51 PM

What meds are you on? What is Klonopin and what does it do?

I had PND after my third child, but it was brought on by a severe episode of OCD focused around my teeth (too boring to go into).

Don't forget to take your meds. Don't beat yourself up on not doing your homework. It's hard to do anything when you've got a baby. Are you taking a good multivitamin, because pregnancy and breast feeding depletes your body of essential vitamins and minerals.

Accept that your thoughts are just thoughts. Just because we FEAR that we will do something doesn't mean we're going to do it.

As I said, my OCD during that time was terrible and I never harmed my baby. In fact he was a big, big comfort. He was the only thing that helped me relax.

But keep taking your meds and start taking a good multi if you're not already. Not getting enough vitamins and minerals can make your OCD and anxiety symptoms worse. Ask the pharmacist for something that's safe for breastfeeding, if you are breastfeeding.

Good luck and you'll get through it. Just make sure you look after yourself. Get enough sleep and make sure you eat properly. Motherhood, especially new motherhood, is very hard work. Don't try to be superwoman. Just take it easy and enjoy your baby.

ocdengineer · 02-13-2007, 06:11 PM

The Klonopin should help you quite a bit and the meditation is also very beneficial. I know exactly how you feel as I suffer from the same ailment. Please trust me when I say that if you feel guilt and unhappiness from the thoughts you are having then you won't do them.

The next step is to allow the thoughts to go through your head without even acknowledging their significance. The better you get at this, the less the thoughts will bother you and the less the thoughts will occur. Take the Klonopin in the meantime to get you through the really bad days and practice meditation every day before your baby gets up. It will start to help almost immediately from a relaxation standpoint and the thoughts will eventually start to fade away. They will probably never go away and if they do they will most likely come back, you just have to have the tools in place to defeat them.

I hope you feel beter!
OE