issues with mom---long post - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

hughley · 02-19-2007, 02:50 PM

Hello all,

I have really horrible issues with my mom. I know it is cliche, but I guess it just happens and unfortunately I am in it with my mom. This relates to OCD, because it is strongly believed in my faith and I guess all faiths, that your parents are super important. Also, as I am always reminded by my dad whenever I get into a fight with my mom, that if I don't basically kiss my mother's feet I am doomed forever. The thing is that I have tried and tried to mend and heal and forgive and forget, but it never ever lasts long. She has it out for me, I know it sounds like I am exaggerating, but its true. I guess this is all coming out of me, because her birthday is coming up in March and I was just reminded of my birthday a few months ago. She always reminds my dad to get me something for my birthday and that is usually understood that gift is from the both of them. Well for the past three years, she has not been reminding by father or making any effort to get me anything. I don't mind at all as long as I am wished a "happy birthday." Well on my last birthday we were out of town and spending it with my aunt and her daughters. Again, no gift...no big deal. But my cousin had her birthday about a week later, and I noticed that she had something that looked like it could be from my parents. So I said to my mom, oh you gave so and so a gift for her birthday? And her response was: "How did you know?" I was like, wow, not only did you not get me a thing, but you gave your niece something and wanted to hide it from me? She's been known to give my sisters gifts and hiding it from me, also, so this was not really a surprise, but it hurt just the same. This is just one of many things that go on between us. I really don't want to make an effort any longer with her, I just keep getting hurt over and over...but I know I am doomed if I don't try to rise above it all...and for a person with OCD, being in this position is not very good.

Trixibel · 02-19-2007, 03:35 PM

That's really mean! Why would she do that? Not give you something and give something to her niece? Is she angry with you about something? I have issues with my mother too but she never shows that sort of favouritism. Poor you! Do you still live at home? and if you do, how soon can you leave? This relationship is doing you harm. Just be aware that she has the problem, not you. She is failing in her duty as a mother by acknowledging your sisters' birthdays and not yours. She's showing favouritism and that's not on. As a parent (and I am one) you never, never show favouritism. Actually, you don't HAVE favourites. You might get on better with one child than another but you don't love them any more. Sorry to be so blunt and hope I don't offend you but do you think she could have some sort of personality disorder?

ocdengineer · 02-20-2007, 06:13 AM

I would distance myself from her. You were forced to deal with her as a child now you are not a child anymore so sever that bond. Stay amicable with her because you will probably meet at family events, but don't go out of your way to please her.

The hardest thing for me to learn when I was growing up was that my parents didn't have all the right answers and that sometimes they were actually wrong. I think this is a tripping stone for every young person who has disfunctional parents. We all grow up thinking our parents are normal and as it turns out they aren't or weren't.

It sounds to me also that your mother has more problems than you do and she is not a healthy person to be around, so continue your own life and let her continue with hers. It is harsh to say that, but you have to do it for your own good. I moved to the other side of the country to get away from my parents and my situation was nearly as bad as yours. I understand your constant disappointment. I had to deal with the same.

Talk with a therapist about this one. There is a lot that you have to set right insde your head about your mother and you may need help to do this.

Good luck,
OE