Im new here. Hi. I'm 24. About to transfer to a university. Been diagnosed with ADD, Depression, Anxiety blah blah and OCD.
I believe it's ALL the OCD thats causing me to be unfocused, anxious, and sad sometimes. I take Adderall XR 10mg and 1mg Klonopin. I will NOT ever again take SSRI's.
Soooo many reasons why I dislike them.
Anyway it all started when I was a little toddler and used to sniff my hands and pull my hair out. That stopped as I grew older. Now it's mostly all THOUGHTS. IMPULSES FROM HELL! I don't really get bad thoughts, well i do but i;ve learned how to let them pass. It's the impulsive obsessive "Thought-Lock".
For example, if I think about buying something or saying something, I feel like I have to buy it. Or that I have to say that out loud. Almost like mild vocal Tourette's. At night I have to listen to music to slow my brain down. I also make lists of the most ridiculous things.
I dwell on everything ITS DRIVING ME NUTS! My dad or friends whoever just say, "Quit Obsessing" . which really hurts my feelings and I hate myself for it. I go and take some relax pills or hurt myself. Nobody knows about this but you guys. I just want to accept myself for being like this. Why me? I'm the kindest person ever, I 'm so loving I don't deserve this. I also throw away things to simplify a thought. I threw away some red shirts cause i thought they represented death.
Maybe im bipolar? People tell me I'm so peculiar.
(its worth mentioning my older brother,29, compulsively washes his hands and makes grunt noises. my dad sometimes does as does my sister but very good at hiding it.)
With the way my brain works its like this--->Gotta do homework, no wait draw first, hey a movie, no walk the dogs, make a list... im overwhelmed.
Some days im soo happy. Sometimes I can allow my thoughts to F L O W .
If you have read my venting thus far I sincerely thank you.