I think someone had an earlier post about this subject, but I wanted to bring it up again.
Recently my OCD starting resurfacing after an extremely stressful first semester of law school and ongoing marital issues. In the past I have been plagued by checking/counting/washing rituals and I also had a bout with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. Now, my latest issue is with guilt and the overwhelming need to confess. I felt that I acted inappropriately with a male student during the semester and I eventually confessed to my husband who accepted it and forgave me. However, since then I have been racked with guilt over everything. I felt so guilty that I had to go stay with my mom for two weeks. But while I was staying with my mom, an incident happened (it was trivial, but not to me) and I partially confessed to her, but could not bring myself to confess it all to her. Subsequently, I left her house because I felt guilty. Then I began obsessing over something similar that happened with my sister ten years ago that I had never confessed and I feel really compelled to confess to her even though she will probably be really disgusted with me (or so I think). So now I can't even talk to my mom or my sister.
I went back to my husband, but now I am racked with guilt over something I lied to him about 7 years ago. (It was pretty big). I know this is OCD, but what do I do? I keep replacing one guilty obsession with another. Most of the posts I have read involve confessing intrusive thoughts that have not actually happened, but the problem is, mine have happened. Do I confess these misdeeds, or leave well enough alone? Please, any advice would be appreciated because I am in hell!
I think someone had an earlier post about this subject, but I wanted to bring it up again.
Recently my OCD starting resurfacing after an extremely stressful first semester of law school and ongoing marital issues. In the past I have been plagued by checking/counting/washing rituals and I also had a bout with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. Now, my latest issue is with guilt and the overwhelming need to confess. I felt that I acted inappropriately with a male student during the semester and I eventually confessed to my husband who accepted it and forgave me. However, since then I have been racked with guilt over everything. I felt so guilty that I had to go stay with my mom for two weeks. But while I was staying with my mom, an incident happened (it was trivial, but not to me) and I partially confessed to her, but could not bring myself to confess it all to her. Subsequently, I left her house because I felt guilty. Then I began obsessing over something similar that happened with my sister ten years ago that I had never confessed and I feel really compelled to confess to her even though she will probably be really disgusted with me (or so I think). So now I can't even talk to my mom or my sister.
I went back to my husband, but now I am racked with guilt over something I lied to him about 7 years ago. (It was pretty big). I know this is OCD, but what do I do? I keep replacing one guilty obsession with another. Most of the posts I have read involve confessing intrusive thoughts that have not actually happened, but the problem is, mine have happened. Do I confess these misdeeds, or leave well enough alone? Please, any advice would be appreciated because I am in hell!
I get this every now and then. I think it's another classic sign of OCD. You're obsessing and by confessing it's like a compulsion to relieve your anxiety of obsessing.
I try to ignore them when I start to feel guilty about things but sometimes that doesnt work and I confess. You know what happens to me a lot. I feel like, ok I need to confess this and I obsess but I really dont want to because of whatever reason but sometimes it builds up so much that I do just blurt it out or confess. This is rare but it has happened. And when it does I start to obsess that Im going crazy and will eventually lose control as I just did when I confessed. Does that make any sense?
LoL. Probably not. but point is I understand where you are coming from.
I used to want to "confess" my anger and annoyance about things my then-husband would do. Eventually it would all come spilling out. No wonder he is my ex-.
One would think you (we) wouldn't confess things that are going to cause further harm to interpersonal relations.
But then again, one would think I wouldn't pick at my skin knowing the harm it will cause.
It's not easy.
The therapy I've read about typically involves forcing oneself to confront a situation that causes anxiety -- like not washing hands for n number of hours.
That doesn't work quite so well with things that we shouldn't be doing at all.
Thank you both for responding. I did confess to my husband last night and although he was a little angry, he didn't think my confession was all that big of a deal. I did, though. Now, insted of feeling the relief I thought confessing would bring, I'm obsessing over something else and making myself sick with guilt over this new "indiscretion." I have always been overly concerned with honesty (even when I was growing up I always confessed), but this obsession with it is getting out of control. I just started seeing a psychologist and next week I am seeing a psychiatrist about medication. Hopefully something will help.
Has anyone else had these symptoms and overcome them with therapy and meds?
As I read your original post, I felt like I was reading something that I wrote! I have suffered from OCD since I was about 11 years old (I am 25 now) and the majority of the episodes I have had have involved confessing....and a lot of it has involved behaviors I have actually done (so you're not alone in feeling the need to confess actual behaviors). As a child, I went through a period of time where I felt the need to confess any wrong-doing to my parents (it got to the point where I would wake them up at 3am to confess something because the anxiety was so bad). I eventually started confessing things I had never even done 'just in case'! Most recently, I have been feeling the overwhelming urge to confess to my boyfriend of 6 years any statements, behaviors, feelings, or thoughts that I have had about other people. Earlier in our relationship, I felt the need to confess any 'bad' behavior I engaged in as a child so that he might 'know' who I really am and run away if he felt the need to (a protection obsession). I too am overly concerned with being perfectly honest and truthful...but in reality, that is an impossible goal to attain.
I won't go into much more detail because I could write forever. However, I do know that the more I confess and/or ask for reassurance, the worse I feel. As soon as I confess one thing, another memory or thought comes into my head that I must confess...it just snowballs uncontrollably. Fortunately, my boyfriend is amazingly supportive and knows when I am going through an 'episode' of OCD. However, I don't want to keep burdening him (and myself) with this. It is very maladaptive and never solves anything...it just puts unnecessary strain in life.
I have been going to cognitive behavioral therapy for the past 6 months. I highly recommend it. It is by no means easy, but it is worth the challenge. With that kind of therapy, you will learn how to resist engaging in your compulsions and to adaptively cope with the obsessions when they crop up. It is done through exposure and response prevention. The exposure part is meant to have you face the fears you obsess about. This is hard because you are going to feel anxiety when doing this. The response prevention part involves resisting the urge to ritualize to decrease the anxiety. So for instance, when you remember something you've done in the past, you are just supposed to let the thought be there. It will cause anxiety but you are supposed to resist confessing. It is hard at first, but eventually you will become 'desensitized' to it and the anxiety will pass and you will no longer feel the need to confess. The more you practice with this, the easier it gets. I will not lie and say the therapy is easy because it is not...it is meant to be anxiety provoking. However, my therapist has a good saying: Short term pain for long term gain.
Once you tackle the OCD, you will be able to manage other problems that life will throw at you in a more productive way. Also, you'll be freed from the grip that OCD can have on you..and that is a wonderful feeling.
Basically, you should remember that we all make mistakes...and sometimes we make big ones. But the best way to deal with them is to learn from them. Confessing everything you have ever done is not only maladaptive, it is exhausting. However, I know it is hard to keep that in mind as us OCDers obsess about the things we care the most about...and we don't want to hurt the ones we love. However, OCD hurts everyone involved. Also we are all human and will make mistakes in life. You will need to accept that you have made mistakes in the past, learn from them, and move on. You will also need to accept that you are human and will make mistakes again....that is part of life. The present and future is what matters..the past is the past. Dwelling on it will only make things worse.
From one obsessive confessor to another: I urge you to seek out a professional who specializes in CBT for OCD. It is a proven method and it is working wonders for me. I know it can for you. It will be hard at first, but a little bit of challenge is better than a life of pain from the grips of OCD. Good luck.
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