Feeling so irritated! - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

male2581 · 05-30-2007, 08:27 PM

So today I went to a php (Psychiatric nurse practitioner) for my second and last visit. I felt like I knew more about OCD than she did. Does this happen to anyone else? It seems like the whole world has the idea that a person with OCD is someone who has to have things neat and tidy and washes their hands all the time. As we all know here, hopefully we all know, that is not usually the case. However, I am in no way downsizing those who do struggle with physical compulsions. I know they are just as tourmenting as mental compulsions.

The questionare that I filled out on the previous visit to the pnp had little to do with obssesive thoughts of violence, lust, and blasphemy, and more about how many darn minutes it took me to get dressed in the morning, or how many times I had to check the front door at night. I do neither of which by the way, because I have mental-neutralizing thought compulsions and not pyhsical ones.

Here is how I sum up my OCD. It is the physical possibility that my worse fear regarding a certain situation could happen. I guess like most of us, I fear that I may some how lose control although I know 100% that it could never happen.

A couple of things happened today that royaly p***** me off. One of which, was when I tried to explain for example, talking to my father I could get the thought to punch him in the nose. She then said, well maybe there is some hidden anger or some crap like that. I tried to explain that there is no hidden anger, but rather a fear. If there were truly any anger, it would not bother me so much to have that thought. It is just the last and worst thing that I could possibly think could happen in that situation, and that is why I got that thought. Then I began to explain that a few years ago how I had developed a pedophellia obssesion (since dissapeared) because I am disgusted with the thought of children being abused especially sexually. She then asked if I had ever molested of had urges to molest a child. I was outraged. I think that anyone who knows anything about OCD would know that peoples obssesions form because they are so against the behavior, and not acutually considering it. If the tourmenting though does not bother them, then it is not OCD. I think she should have known that.

I think that larger steps must be taken in order to educated the public and all mental health professionals as to the 2 different types of OCD. That is those who suffer from physical compulsions and those who suffer from mental or those who have no compulsions at all ( PURE O).

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. It means alot to me and hope to meet others dealing with what I have been going through for support on this forum.

Christian73 · 05-30-2007, 09:19 PM

I feel your pain, man. It seems to me that the majority of people who I encounter on this and other boards have the O part but that (I think because it's physical) those with the physical compulsions are what has entered the popular imagination. Even with psychiatrists. I think we need better ways of communication what's going on internally for us.

My therapist (thank God!) totally gets it and understands that it's the psychic pain that is so hard to deal with for most of us. The unending thoughts that are really objectionable. I keep meaning to read "The Imp of the Mind" because it deals so directly with the obsessive thoughts and concurrent anxiety.

ChanceFL · 05-30-2007, 09:47 PM

I completely understand. I posted earlier today about my outrage with my new psychiatrist. I left feeling worse than when I came. I had a breakdown tonight and just started crying hysterically and had to call my mom who called my former psychiatrist because she was so worried about me. Anyway, I am a little calmer now, but today's experience left me feeling so hopeless.

By the way, I agree about the questionare. There weren't that many symptoms that applied to me which is why I think she was so convinced that I mainly have anxiety and depression. It is so hard living with these problems, especially when there are professionals who just don't get it. That's why boards like these are so great. We can all get through this together.

male2581 · 05-31-2007, 05:07 AM

Thanks so much for your response to my post. It has been eating at me all night that this lady probaly thinks that I'm some kind of psychopath. It is sad that professionals don't fully understand OCD. We are not all like Monk or Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets. I forgot to mention that after I told her about the pedophelia obssesion that I also had a homosexual obssesion as well at one time. She replied that that is normal. She must have comfused it with obssesing about not being gay but having the thoughts, and actually considering a homosexual act. No more normal than any other obssesion in my opinion obviously because I am not gay, and those thoughts bothered me enough to form an obssesion! It comforts me that others dealing with OCD can feel my pain and frustration. OCD is not an easy thing to deal with, but I am not a psychopath. In fact I'm the complete opposite and I guess that is why these things bother me so much. I think I'm going to start to reccomend reading a few good books on OCD to psychiatrists. Thanks again for the responses guys, It is much appreciated.

Post-It · 05-31-2007, 07:55 AM

Oh boy, I'm sorry you guys had to go through this. I really feel your pain and reading your story made me mad. My last therapist was like that. She thought because I didn't have any physical compulsions and because she had NEVER heard of pure O OCD, there was no way I could have OCD. She even "conferred" with her "OCD specialist" and he said the same thing. Many therapists who claim they can treat OCD just don't know a whole lot about it.

My old therapist also thought my obsessions must have something to do with my childhood. So you can imagine, someone who fears it's not OCD and it's really me, having someone tell them it's not OCD - yeah that set me back a few months in recovery.

Have you tried searching for a therapist through the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation? At their website, you can find a list of therapists in your area. That is how I found my current therapist and she is a godsend. She totally understands Pure O and knows exactly how to treat it.