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Old 09-01-2007, 11:28 PM   #1
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Fiona84 HB User
Fear of thoughts coming true?

Hi everyone,

I have posted on here before about my fear of premonitions and gotten some very comforting words of wisdom. This is something slightly similar but very specific.

Over Christmas my mom had a very bad cough. I remember thinking one day after I got off the phone with her- "This is the last Christmas I will have with mom."

I made her get a chest xray, turns out it was fine, and I forgot about it.

Now, she is in the mental hospital (must run in the family eh) and I am leaving the country for four months.

I remember what I had thought and now I am thinking that once I leave on Monday for my trip abroad that will the last time I see her. I'm not scheduled to come home until January,and if that was her last Christmas, then she will have died before I get home.

I keep thinking this, that my thought must be a premonition. I have had premonitions before.

Please, I am tortured by this, has anyone else worried what they think will come true?

My only comfort is that I remember thinking once "I will die before the movie Stick It comes on DVD" and of course, it has come out and I am still alive. So...I know I have been wrong before.....

 
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Old 09-02-2007, 02:37 PM   #2
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Re: Fear of thoughts coming true?

Wow, Fiona, how I can relate. I went through a period when I was almost shaken by fear of exactly such things - thoughts coming true, fears coming true... it was one of the worst periods I ever went through in my life I think. It is all so... without boundaries, my brain would come up with more and more stuff to be afraid of... I was almost losing my mind I felt.

So I can kind of imagine what you must be going through right now and I am really sorry to hear all this!!

I still get it sometimes a little bit, that once I think of something (even really fast) I kind of fear that it must mean something. That again is the typical OCD thinking: Thinking that everything we think means something. Similar to intrusive thoughts... most people get thoughts like that, but just shake them off, maybe laugh them off, and forget about them. Somebody with OCD will give importance to the intrusive thought, and try to NOT think it, and usually if we try to NOT think of something guess what we'll be thinking about... thus the vicious cycle evolves.

Now with the fear of things coming true - you know, I am not saying that I don't believe in anything supernatural, that we can sense things, etc - BUT!! You need to remember that you do have OCD, and that the OCD is on the lookout for ways to scare you, and will make you think of exactly those thigns you want to NOT think about - right?

I remember - OK, TRIGGER CAUTION, I am going to talk about a specific fear now - how somebody told me, "no, you can't cause an earthquake by thinking about one, you don't have that much power, maybe thoughts would have the power to cause something that affects you, but not so many people..." And oh how I was relieved! Ha, for a few hours. Or was it minutes? That same night I kept obsessing about how he said it COULD affect something that is about ME (that guy was himself into magic and willpower stuff and maybe a dangerous person for me to talk about this at the time), anyway, suddenly it hit me and I thought, so what if I started fearing something could happen to me, like a heart attack? And POP that thought was in my head, and I started obsessing about specific dates I might die at and maybe my thoughts about those dates might make me die then....
It helped a little that my Mom told me about a dream she had had about dying at a specific age, and she was afraid then, but still she didn't die at that age. But the "what if what if what if" kept going in my brain.
And mostly it was not really about being afraid of dying, but more about: How will I live with that fear all the time until then???!!!
It got so bad that I had a really hard time chosing a pin number for my bank card because I was afraid of obsessing over the numbers... Yikes, just thinking back of that time makes me feel nervous!!!

Now as I said, it is not that I don't believe we can sense things, but neither do I believe that the world functions in that OCD way. No no no. What really has helped me (apart from prozac) is my faith. I do believe in a loving God, and that there is more to all this than just "if I think this, it will happen". I mean, try it out. Think that there will be a million dollars lying in front of you on the table within the next minute. Well, did it happen?


I just hope that maybe something I said could help a little bit... Maybe just saying I have been there? I am so so so very sorry you are having to go through this. Remember it is OCD making you worry like that. We kind of CAN tell what is OCD and what isn't, can't we? If it causes that special OCD type anxiety...
Sometimes it is best to not even let the thoughts start. Especially since I have been taking medication I have been really good at not even letting the wheel start rolling, so to say. So try to distract yourself and just act as if the thoguhts weren't there and don't follow them around and let them take you ever more scary places.

By the way, have you talked to your Mom about those fears?

Bye for now and let us know how you are...

Kathrin

 
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Old 09-02-2007, 03:17 PM   #3
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Fiona84 HB User
Re: Fear of thoughts coming true?

Thank you sooooooooooooo much for your response. It made me feel a hundred times better. It actually made me remember a few things that also help me feel better.

Your mom's dream helped me remember that one time I dreamt I saw a headline that said I died at 21. I was 20 at the time. When I turned 21 off and on I thought about that dream,but, here I am 23, and still alive. So.....that dream, like your mom's, was just a dream.

But yeah, you have helped put it in perspective, I just have to remember that my fear of thoughts coming true is just OCD. I read about intrusive thoughts on ****pedia and it helped some, though my thoughts aren't thoughts I am ashamed of, they are more thoughts that seem to me like premonitions.

I also agree with you about faith. Sometimes I get mad at myself, because I DO believe in God, but why do I have such a hard time just TRUSTING him and LETTING GO!?!?!?! I read somewhere to just say to yourself "Let go, and Let God", and I try, but it is hard. Sometimes I will feel very close to God and I feel at peace but sometimes it is harder.

Thanks again for your kind (and very helpful) words!

 
Old 09-02-2007, 03:44 PM   #4
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ohiogent HB User
Re: Fear of thoughts coming true?

I know I am unhealthy as far as it relates to my OCD right now. I will try and give some comments, based on concern and pray my OCD does not haunt me right now.

I have struggles with how I can have such OCD problems and yet have put my faith in Jesus Christ. It is a big issue in my life right now, how on one hand I know God loves me and yet how my OCD is so brutal to me. I do realize bad things happen in this world to everyone and some are the result of actions taken by people and some are not the direct result of that person. In either case, I often struggle with it and am trying to deal with it.

It is essential that believe in Jesus Christ , in the sense of trusting Him/accepting Him as their Savior, believing on Him to forgive them of their sins.

The term "believe in God" only connotes a mental ascension that God exists and is not what saves someone from their sins.

I know in spite of my profession and sharing of my faith that I have problems. I am now on medication and may seek therapy and hope this helps.

Last edited by ohiogent; 09-02-2007 at 03:48 PM. Reason: possible typos fixed

 
Old 09-02-2007, 06:56 PM   #5
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Fiona84 HB User
Re: Fear of thoughts coming true?

ohiogent,

I agree with you. I am a Christian, and do believe Jesus Christ is my savior.

In my post I was careful not to say Christ and say God instead because I realize everyone has their own way of viewing God, and I didn't want to exclude those people.

One comfort I have that is specific (I think) to Christianity is the knowledge that because Christ died for us he took on all of our thoughts, anguishes, trials, etc, and knows them all....and will bear that burden along side us. We can cast our worries onto him,the Bible says, but.....as is the issue with my OCD, I seem to have a hard time doing that.

 
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