OCD Intrusive Thoughts. Need Advice - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

Bordism · 09-04-2007, 08:37 AM

Hi there.

I've posted here before about my horrible thoughts about doing something bad, or hurting someone, this was over a year ago i think.

Well they then went away, well they went away so that if i got one i did not care and would just brush it off, I was a new person for about a year found myself a partner and was doing everything not letting my anxiety or anything stop me.

But they are back and very bad.. I keep imagining me doing horrible stuff in my head, I wont go into detail it upsets me. I feel sick and really depressed and people are noticing how depressed i am (mum, dad, fiance) These thoughts always tend to be around the people i love and care about.

Am i the only one who is scared that i act on them? I feel like a nut case and i need some help, support, and advice and to know if i am alone. Sometimes i feel i should be in a mental hospital.

Tomorrow I am going for therapy for the first time, i've never had any or been to a doctor about these thoughts that i have.

Bit of my background: I was 11 when i started having panic attacks, i dropped out of school at 13 with bad anxiety i was house bound and would not leave the house because i felt so anxious. About 16 I was watching a horrible TV programm and these thoughts started from then. I'm on Clomipramine which helps my anxiety/depression but not the thoughts. I am 18 years old now.
I did get my life back on track and everyone thought i was a new person, But just recently these thoughts have hit me and i seem to be sinking deeper into depression!

Anyone Relate? Advice? Anyone simular?

Sorry if this does not make sense, i was typing quickly and have not read it over as i now have to go for a haircut.

If you got here, Thanks for reading.

Alexander84 · 09-04-2007, 09:51 AM

Well I hope this makes you feel somewhat better.

I too suffer from the same exact thing. I have horrible thoughts sometimes about doing some terrible to someone I love. I can cope with them in the day because i can stay busy and feel normal, but like 1st thing in the morning it usually hits me again or when it starts to get dark.. and i realize night time is coming.

I try to keep myself positive and remind myself that i would never do what im thinking.. but its almost like the fear and panic induces like a "urge" not an urge but.. i cant really explain it. Its like i get this feeling that im gonna do it! Now sure its easy to just go "id never do such a thing!" and get over it. But alas.. my mind refused to believe that and continues to be tormented by the fear/panic of the whole thing.

Now honestly.. if you really take the time to think about it, you know dam well you would never do anything like that. BUT and this is a big BUT "what if you could..and if you really felt that you couldnt do it.. then why would you think about it so much.. and why do you fear doing it!" which in turns makes you panic/fear and confuse that with you being a killer crazy man.

Anyway it sucks, this is like my 7th year dealing with all this crap so your not alone.

Bordism · 09-04-2007, 10:06 AM

Hey
Thanks alot for the reply, i can really relate to everything you said. Sometimes they go off if i'm busy, and i can relate to the 'urge' type thing.. Its so scary. And yeah its easy to tell myself that i would never do anything, and i know deep down i would NEVER. But why do i think it? Thats what gets me. I'm probably worse in the morning too. Specially after last night, I had a horrible dream which really scared me and buggered my day up even more.

I hope we both get through this, and wow.. 7 years, a year and a half is enough for me!

Have you ever had therapy or anything? Did it help? Do you ever feel you should be in a mental hospital? Its so scary :'(

Robyn26 · 09-05-2007, 06:59 AM

Hi Bordism,
I seen your post and I had to reply. I too have had the same thoughts. When I was 21 was the first time I experienced OCD. I have pure O with little rituals of counting but nothing major. I have thoughts of hurting my loved ones also. It was so bad at one point that it was in my head every minute, thats when I knew I had to seek help. I went to my family GP who told me I was depressed. He only at that time perscribe Xanax to help with the anxiety. Xanax relieved some of the anxiety but not enough, so I went back to my doctore who suggested I go see a phychiatrist. When I went to see the psychiatrist he perscribed Luvox for my OCD/Depression. After being on it for about 8 weeks I felt so much better. I have now been on Luvox for the past 14 years and it is my life saver.

My thoughts were so bad I too thought I was going crazy and whould be admitted to a hospital. The thoughts bothered me so much that my anxiety was out of control. I couldn't sleep, eat, I didn't go out, didn't want to be touched...I was a mess. I have some days where I relapse and have thoughts, but I tell myself that they are just thoughts and I know that I would never ever do anything that I was thinking. If I have to, I take Xanax to relieve my anxiety. There are some good self help books that can help you as well.

I have an amazing support group within my family, friends and husband. I know when I start feeling depressed or my OCD comes back, I can turn to them for support and it makes a world of diffrence. Hope you feel better and please stay in touch. I would love to talk with you and help you through this tough patch if I can...

Hope and Huggs
R

Kathrin74 · 09-05-2007, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bordism

And yeah its easy to tell myself that i would never do anything, and i know deep down i would NEVER. But why do i think it? Thats what gets me. (

Because you try very hard NOT to think it. Right?

OCD has been called the doubting disease... all the what ifs, what if anyways etc... aren't we familiar with them?

Kathrin