MrJon

Hello all, I am really in need of some advice here. You guys all offered sound advice when I needed it once before so I thought I would enquire once again.

I don't know if I'm in the right place of if I am going to come across as and idiot or offensive but I need some help.

I am not even sure how to write this down but here goes, I have been straight all my life, been in love a couple of times and had a lot of girls, Im 22. Never thought to myself that I am gay, or even looked at anyone of the opposite sex in a more than friendly way.

Recently I've embarked on a relationship with a girl I work with and it has been amazing, we get on in every way possible, spending all our time together and having lots of fun. I even found myself at the point of telling her that I loved her, but refrained in case of scaring her off. Any way a few days later we were fooling around and I "lost interest" because she wasn't quite getting it right and paniced, immediately thinking of impotency and the possibility that I wasn't interested in girls...a ridiculous notion but since then I have been overthinking the latter point uncontrollably (sp).

I have a tendency, and several have described this "tendency" to actually be OCD, to overthink and convince myself of things. After a single bad acid trip I convinced myself that I was going to lose my mind and ruined everything around me to only regret it after relaisng I was fine. I also got the same way about my health a couple of years after, which originally bought me here.

Now I can't stop wondering whether or not I am gay. I can't understand how I can go from the happiest I have been in years to this feeling in what was roughly about ten mins. Since the incident I mentioned we have fooled around a couple of times and normal service has been resumed to put it politely, and I was fine all day with her yesterday, having fun and enjoying myself. But today I have been miserable, I can't shake off this feeling, and have even been glancing at men this morning whilst in town to see what I feel, and noticing that I am glancing at women less, but also realising that I am probably doing this on purpose, as I seem to be wallowing in this problem.

I don't have anyone face to face I can talk to about this, and the one or two I hacve spoke to online said that I am not gay, and pointed out that most just know from very early on, and that I am overthinking and need to see a psychologist about my apparent OCD.

I guess I'm here to just see what others think about what I have descibed.

Am I gay? Or is the low feelings I am feeling due to that Im with someone amazing who I don't want to lose? And is maybe that I am considering something like this when she is so happy, just as I was just a few days ago, thats making me feel so low. It's really messing things up at the moment for me. How can I switch from being straight to considering this in ten minutes? I really want to see her right now and she is coming over, can't wait, and have wanted to see her all day. Confusing myself, and I had a real panic attack this afternoon to boot, first time I have cried for a long time. Have been so happy since Easter, and particularly these last few weeks with her. We have to go out tonight for a leaving party and Im gonna be so quiet all night cos I can't stop thinking about this.

Please don't treat this with any scorn if I have offended or wasted anyones time.

Can OCD do something like this? I think that is whats happening here, am trying to be rational like everything else that gets me this way, my mental state, health worries etc, but like those I just can't get past it, and I don't want to lose her whilst I do.

In need of some help.

J