not knowing the answer, intrusive thoughts - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

Alexander84 · 09-15-2007, 09:28 PM

Ive been experiencing Anxiety/depression ( caused by my anxiety) for like 7 years.

Its been a rough road but ive gotten to the point where I can control getting a panic attack or letting it get me. I've also learned to get over a few OCD intrusive thoughts that would bother me after years of coping on my own.

Only thing I JUST CANT GET OVER.. are my morbid/intrusive thoughts and the feeling of not knowing if im capable of acting on them or not.

When I fixate on a negative thought or harming someone (oddly never myself i.e suicide ) I get this weird notion that I just can't tell if I can or want to do these things.

Of course I know I would never do these things which contradicts what I just said.. but thats whats so nuts about the whole thing. Its almost like I can't understand my feelings.

At night is when its gets the worst because Im left to my own thoughts and these thoughts come to me because Ive been fixating on them for so many years that its almost natural to me now. ( which also scares me because I wonder why I cant kick this.. makes me question myself even more!)

Anyway I feel so terrible that I wanna cry sometimes because of these thoughts and what not. I went to a doctor and he gave me paxil and xanax. I dont take the paxil because I dont wanna take something i have to take every day.. but I occasionally use the xanax.. especially at night. It does help my racing thoughts and helps me focus and realize that im being stupid.

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and if they have any suggestions or helpful things they could share.

thanks.

seaturtle · 09-15-2007, 10:44 PM

Hello,

Sounds like you've made lots of progress already. Congratulations on that. For one thing, you are not being stupid! OCD is not stupidity, it's an illness.
No use in wondering why you can't kick this. Try to accept the fact that these are brain patterns you cannot control (at this point), but there are skills you can acquire to help you cope.

What do you have against taking a daily med if it makes your life more comfortable? And are you seeing a psychiatrist as opposed to your GP - and a therapist? Meds can help a whole lot, as can therapy.

Be reassured that you are in in no way alone! Keep posting, glad you're reaching out, welcome here,

Seaturtle

xxxzoexxx · 09-20-2007, 06:28 PM

I get the same thing as you, and find it very difficult to tell myself i don't want to do these things, but the fact is i never know. my thoughts have been going on for about a year and a half.

I think you should try meds, When i took 60mg of celexa it did help for quite a bit, i think it's wearing off now, although i'm not sure, but i may switch. there are so many to choose from. It's worth it to take meds if it will calm you down, and can give you a much happier and comfortable life.

take care.