my problem - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

tinyflower · 09-17-2007, 09:42 AM

My problem is very different. I have had this strong pull in my mind to get to even numbers. It's not always just a matter of counting to 2 after I get to 1 or counting to 3 after I get to 4. It's very confusing and it would take a long time to explain and I don't even think I understand it myself. I have had these problem for years.

Anyways it got more serious when I feared I might hurt myself with this problem. Like I might break a leg or something. Anyways when it got that serious I was like it's time to see a therapist. The first therapist that I saw was great, but he did not know that much about my problem so he help set me up with a Therapist that can help me. My new Therapist is a Psychologist and he has a Ph.D. > I have seen my new Therapist once and it was sorta a background thing and he wanted to see me again right away and I will be seeing him again in 3 days and we will talk more about the problem.

Anyways I can't think of anything else to say and I also feel like I may not have worded everything the way I wanted to explain things and this and that and I think that is another part of my problem.

Anyways things are far from perfect, but I do feel like I am doing pretty good for having this kind of problem and that kinda helps my mind take it easy

Sometimes I can take it really easy when I don't try to have everything perfect right now

seaturtle · 09-17-2007, 06:19 PM

Hi,

I think I understand the even numbers part, but how do you feel you might hurt yourself - break a leg - because of this?

Seeing a therapist is great!

I'd like to understand more, if you feel like writing more.

Seaturtle

Kathrin74 · 09-18-2007, 11:40 AM

The way I understand it, the fear is that something bad would ahppen to you (like you would get injured) if you didn't stick with your even numbers?

Like other OCDers are afraid to step on cracks, or whatever. And really, if you think about it, it's nonsense, right? But OCD doesn't think along logical lines...

Kathrin

tinyflower · 03-24-2008, 08:27 PM

It's been a while since I posted this thread and I never did get around to explaining everything. Anyways the whole thing about me being in danger of hurting myself did start to get better and did not really bug me for a while, but it seems to be coming back now, but I don't think it;s as bad as it was before. I guess my mind has got stronger and my talks with my Psychologist helped. We have also been talking about my sleeping.

Anyways it's hard to explain all this, but I will try. Okay let's say rainbows just pop in my head and start driving me crazy, because of my OCD problem. To get out of the mess I would need to get to this even number. But it's not like I count one rainbow two rainbow I am fine. I have to get to a point where when I get to one rainbow my mind is like the rainbow got me out of the mess, but then I have to do it all over again. This is what makes it so hard, because I actually have to trick my mind into thinking the first one will get me out, before I can move to the second one ? Sometimes this drives me crazy.

Now what I explained about the rainbow is bad enough, but when this turned into something that could make me hurt myself it made it worse. For example let's say it's not about counting rainbows, but counting the number of a way that could cause me to get hurt. For example to get out of one mess I might have to do the whole rainbow thing (only this time it would be a way that could cause me to hurt myself and I would have to do it 2 things could get hurt me 2 times just like I would needed to do the rainbows 2 times) > When I doing things that could hurt myself I don't mean I was hurting myself when I was doing them, but what I was doing was a little dangerous and if I made a mistake I could have hurt myself.

I may not have explained everything very clear, but I explained it the best way that I could. Like I said there is a lot about all this stuff that I don't understand. It's just awful feeling like you have to put yourself in a little bit of danger to stop youself from being in a little bit of danger ? I think the worst part is that it just drives me nuts at times and I feel like I will always be a slave to this.

The big problem is it can seem so easy to get to that even number and since it seems so easy it's hard to stop myself from getting there. Many times when that odd number hits me I would love to just let it go, but it always seems so easy to get to the even number. I feel like all I have to do is get to the even number and everything will be fine. But when I get to the even number I am so nervous that the odd number is going to hit me and since I am so nervous that odd number can hit me very easy.

It's hard to explain, but my mind depends on getting to that even number and holding that even number so the odd number will not drive me nuts or cause me to hurt myself.

Anyways if anyone has any advice that would be good and I will be going back to see my Psychologist on April 3rd.

Kathrin74 · 03-25-2008, 05:16 AM

Hello again TinyFlower,

there are two things I am concerned about after reading your post. First of all, I am concerned about your safety. The way I understand it, your compulsions sometimes involve things that may be physically dangerous to you?
The second concern of course is for your peace of mind. I know how OCD has a tendency to just not shut up, especially when we give in to the compulsions... it always "wants more".

OCD has a way of coming up with ever more and more difficult things for us to do... it isn't satisfied with something easy, right? Now remember:
1) It is your OCD talking that telly you to do these things. You do NOT have to do these things.
2) When you resist the urge, it is a big victory for you! Because every time you give in and do the compulÃ¶sion, that strengthens the OCD. But every time you resist, it strengthens YOU, AGAINST the OCD! That is what behavioral therapy works with. Strengthening you against the OCD. I have made the experience that if I managed to resist a compulsion, the peace of mind that comes AFTER the fear has reached its highest point is MUCH BETTER than the short term peace of mind that comes from giving in to the OCD.
3) If you hurt yourself because of doing a compulsion, wouldn't that be a really sad thing? Think of your responsibility for your own life... and also that it would make your loved ones sad if you hurt yourself, right? Maybe that will help you resist.

Please talk to your therapist as soon as you can if you believe there is any real physical danger you are in.

Kathrin