first of all, a big hug to you!!
I am so sorry nobody has responded to your other post! personally I don't remember seeing it, but then there are times I am on the board a lot and other times when I stay away for a while.
I can read your desperation in your post. And I know how it feels to be ruled by this OCD thing that just seems to want to take all joy out of life. I went through years of that.
But I am much better now!
It is kind of controversial whether there is an actual *cure" for OCD. But the illness can become absolutely managable, and you can get better and feel so much relief you probably can't even imagine it right now.
(That's how it was with me, anyway.)
Basically there are two treatments for OCD. Medication and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Often they are used together for the best possible effect, but either of them alone can also be used. CBT actually changes your brain in much the same way medication does. Brain imagery has shown that. Your brain learns to process the thoughts along different pathways, so they won't get stuck in that OCD loop anymore.
About medication I do have to say that it has helped me a lot. And for years I had also been afraid of it. Of the side effects, and yes, also of the possibility that it might change me, change my personality. What helped me change my mind about this was, among other things, knowing a friend who had been on medication for years and was still a caring, wonderful, warm-hearted person.
I have been on Prozac for over 6 years now and I don't regret it at all. I think the parts of my personality that make me ME have stayed the same. I am still an artist (poet, songwriter), I still care about people (and animals), I still follow the same dreams, I am also still a strong Christian.
I hope this helps a little bit.