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Old 11-29-2007, 01:50 PM   #1
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yonkerskid13 HB User
OCD Derealization And Depression

Hi guys! I've posted on this site on the depression board and this is my first time on this board.

Long story short: Had undiagnosed OCD, Narcolepsy, Sleep paralysis, Chronic Fatigue for years, since childhood. My OCD involves negative thoughts in which I carry out with repetitive rituals which takes up maybe two hours of my time on a daily basis.

Always had a complex with the size of my hands ever since a fellow employee told me my hands were small for a guy. This was about 20 years go, and everyday since my mind is always focusing on my hands and trying to hide them so no one will notice. Many people tell me my hands are normal in size but of course with OCD the only person who's opinion counts was that former co worker who said they were small.

This has caused me extreme mental anguish on a daily basis to deal with that thought and the other OCD thoughts that I encounter on a daily basis.

I never went to a psyche to have this treated because there is no cure for this disorder or any of the disorders I mentioned above.

Recently I was experiencing anxiety and panic attacks when my wife and daughter left for vacation and I was alone in the house for a month.

During the last few days my OCD kicked in telling me my family never exsisted and when they came back it will all be a figment of your imagination and not your family but just replicas.

Then one day after they returned I was driving my wife to work whaen I had a panic attack after arguing with her. I suddenly was in a state of derealization/depersonilization and had no idea who I was or where I was at that moment.

I pulled off to the side of the road to gather myself and continued the ride feeling very strange and not part of this world. Of course my OCD kicked in and told me I was really dead and didn't exist and I became obsessed with losing my memory. I was even afraid to drive without worrying I would forget the route to my wife's job or daughter's school( which is two blocks away).

This was three monts ago and everyday I have these obsessive thoughts of losing my memory and feel like nothing really exists. But whwn I test my memory I realize I can remember everything in the past up until I was two years old, but yet I still obsess over these thoughts.

Sometimes when it's time to pick up my daughter from school I tell myself(or is it my OCD telling me) that my daughter never exists. This has also turned me into a health hypochondriac thinking I have every illness in the book and has led to severe depression and psychosis at times.

Heres the kicker: My wife told me to put my trust in Christ to heal me(she's very religious), and offered to take me to Barnes and Noble to purchase up a bible.
We went down there as a family and my nine year old daughter chose a bible for me that I purchased.

That same night I went home prayed a little and actually felt better. The next few minutes but an end to those thoughts. As I was reading the bible a commercial came over the television on some antidepressant medication that was being advertised.

I then heard the announcer in the commercial say this can cause permanent damage. Wouldn't you know not soon after the announcer said that the thought came over my head that if I don't return that bible that my thoughts of derealization would be permanent.

I told my wife that I wanted to return the bible and she looked at me like I had two heads and told me that Christ was only testing my faith. I had the same thought after I purchased that bible like Christ telling me that my faith was going to be tested by the devil.

I even prayed over the bible and asked Jesus to come to me in my dream and explain what was going on with me to make me feel this way whether it be from depression, OCD, or any other cause and lo and behold I kept on getting the thought of frontal lobe dementia in my sleep.

My wife told me that was only my subconscious mind worrying about this particular illness which I really have been obsessing over for the last three months thinking I had it because of all the symptoms I had.

My question is: Can a little anxiety and disorientation I had while driving that day escalate into obsessive thoughts about reality, depression and health hypochondria, all triggered by OCD? Or has the OCD escalated into scizophrenia?

I read some stories online on people suffering from derealization/depersonilization and all of them say this is caused by anxiety and panic disorder.

Sorry for the long post guys but ant input will be great! Thanks and have a great day!

 
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Old 11-29-2007, 03:20 PM   #2
QZZ QZZ is offline
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Re: OCD Derealization And Depression

I know when my anxiety acts up I feel this way. I feel as if I am living in a dream world, or looking through someone elses eyes. Also, my doctor told me when your anxiety is high your emotions can diminish a bit. Also, the more intense my anxiety the more real and more intense my fears get. Sometimes when I calm down I am surprised to have even worried about something that seemed life threatening during my anxiety attack.

I would see your doctor and try and get on something like xanax and an SRI. Just watch driving while taking Xanax. I only take it when Im home.

Last edited by QZZ; 11-29-2007 at 03:22 PM.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 06:29 PM   #3
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Re: OCD Derealization And Depression

Yonkers-

Let me be the first to welcome you to the board, and I'd also like you to know that you're going to find more support for your issues here than on the depression board since most of the symptoms you describe are OCD/anxiety related.

There was a good thread posted by myself a few weeks ago on the subject of derealization or some call it depersonalization, and this happens frequently to people who have OCD, anxiety issues, or panic attacks. I asked my therapist about derealization, and his response was that derealization is not necisarily a bad thing, and this is why. When our minds go through massive amounts of high anxiety or stress that OCD causes, they basically "shut off" to prevent us from having to think about all the anxiety issues were facing. So in essence, this is the minds way of protecting itself. Just like the human body protects itself from trauma by secreating endorphines for pain, the brain operates the same way and will protect itself from high amounts of stress and anxiety.

Alot of us on the board will tell you that it doesn't matter what kind of thoughts you have, and it doesn't matter how much you try to rationalize with your OCD because simply put, you can't rationlize with OCD. The thoughts that you have that things aren't real, or your family isn't real is just your minds way of saying I've had enough of this OCD stuff, and I'm going to shut off and go sort of into a dream state to protect myself.

So what should you do about it? Well, first off I would go to see your primary care physcian and have some routine blood work done to make sure your kidney, liver, and thyroid are all functioning properly, as problems with any of these organs, especially the thyroid, can exaggerate symptoms of OCD. After your doctor gives you the ok, I would ask him/her to refer you to what's known as a cognitive behavioral specialist. This type of therapist specializes in OCD and anxiety disorders and will help you to develop strategies on how to effectively deal with your anxiety and OCD, and help you to battle back against your symptoms. Please feel free to post anytime, and let us know how you're doing.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 07:19 PM   #4
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yonkerskid13 HB User
Re: OCD Derealization And Depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by BadMalibu View Post
Yonkers-

Let me be the first to welcome you to the board, and I'd also like you to know that you're going to find more support for your issues here than on the depression board since most of the symptoms you describe are OCD/anxiety related.

There was a good thread posted by myself a few weeks ago on the subject of derealization or some call it depersonalization, and this happens frequently to people who have OCD, anxiety issues, or panic attacks. I asked my therapist about derealization, and his response was that derealization is not necisarily a bad thing, and this is why. When our minds go through massive amounts of high anxiety or stress that OCD causes, they basically "shut off" to prevent us from having to think about all the anxiety issues were facing. So in essence, this is the minds way of protecting itself. Just like the human body protects itself from trauma by secreating endorphines for pain, the brain operates the same way and will protect itself from high amounts of stress and anxiety.

Alot of us on the board will tell you that it doesn't matter what kind of thoughts you have, and it doesn't matter how much you try to rationalize with your OCD because simply put, you can't rationlize with OCD. The thoughts that you have that things aren't real, or your family isn't real is just your minds way of saying I've had enough of this OCD stuff, and I'm going to shut off and go sort of into a dream state to protect myself.

So what should you do about it? Well, first off I would go to see your primary care physcian and have some routine blood work done to make sure your kidney, liver, and thyroid are all functioning properly, as problems with any of these organs, especially the thyroid, can exaggerate symptoms of OCD. After your doctor gives you the ok, I would ask him/her to refer you to what's known as a cognitive behavioral specialist. This type of therapist specializes in OCD and anxiety disorders and will help you to develop strategies on how to effectively deal with your anxiety and OCD, and help you to battle back against your symptoms. Please feel free to post anytime, and let us know how you're doing.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 07:25 PM   #5
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Re: OCD Derealization And Depression

Thanks guys for your understanding and support. My only thought at the moment is that by the brain shutting down to protect us from further stress causing derealization/depersonilization, is actually creating more stress by putting us in this state of mind.

I find my OCD getting worse and now suffer from clinical depression and hypochodrosis as a result of trying to unlock this mystery or turn the switch back on in my brain so to speak. I was handling everything better when I was really stressed out and eventually it went away.

Now I'm wondering what the hell has gone wrong with my brain 24/7.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 07:26 PM   #6
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yonkerskid13 HB User
Re: OCD Derealization And Depression

Thanks guys for your understanding and support. My only thought at the moment is that by the brain shutting down to protect us from further stress causing derealization/depersonilization, is actually creating more stress by putting us in this state of mind.

I find my OCD getting worse and now suffer from clinical depression and hypochodrosis as a result of trying to unlock this mystery or turn the switch back on in my brain so to speak. I was handling everything better when I was really stressed out and eventually it went away.

Now I'm wondering what the hell has gone wrong with my brain 24/7.

Thanks again guys!

 
Old 11-29-2007, 08:00 PM   #7
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BadMalibu HB User
Re: OCD Derealization And Depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by yonkerskid13 View Post
Thanks guys for your understanding and support. My only thought at the moment is that by the brain shutting down to protect us from further stress causing derealization/depersonilization, is actually creating more stress by putting us in this state of mind.
Yonkers-

Well your brain is not technically "shut off", but in a low power state if you will. And you are right when you say that it can create more anxiety, because we then start to wonder what's going on, and when we don't have an answer, it just creates more anxiety. Remember that OCD and anxiety can be cyclical, and when you're in this dream state and having more anxiety, the depersonalization will continue becuase again, your mind is trying to protect itself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yonkerskid13 View Post
Now I'm wondering what the hell has gone wrong with my brain 24/7.
There's nothing wrong with your brain, and in actuality, alot of us that have OCD score alot higher on exams and tests because we happen to be deep thinkers.

 
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