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Old 12-10-2007, 02:35 PM   #1
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worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

hey there everyone. How is everyone doing? I haven't been on this forum in quite some time. I have followed the advice of you all and it has made a tremendous difference. But, I do have one lingering thought that I seem to not be able to get out of my head. As you all know, I tested way too much. I tested at the 1 month, 2 month and 3 month mark, and then came back and tested at the 11 month mark, 3 times in one week... all negative. Anyway, I guess I still have one little thing that is nagging at me. After the first test I took at the 11 month mark, , this is the test that was laid on the scanner and scanned so that I could have the image sent to my e mail. Anyway, this is the scanned image that looked a bit different than what it looked in person. The little line wasn't lined up perfectly centered in between the C area. Anyway, the next day I called and went back for another test.. the test result was also negative and the little line wasn't perfectly centered in between the triangles either.. Anyway, one thing that sticks in my mind... is.. The lady who performed my test was also the same one as before... Anyway, we were talking after she checked the negative box on the form and signed her name and told me I was finished with testing.. I was talking about why I was back getting tested again and that I thought the little lines were supposed to be centered up perfectly between the triangles.. Anyway, as I was talking, she made the comment.. and it went something like this "that's why I was concerned".... I really didn't think that much about it at the time... but I think subconciously this is what has been buried deep inside me... Anyway..... before I took this second test... When I had called back to the clinic on Monday after I saw the photo of my scanned test... the clinic tech and her boss, both kept screaming at me over the phone that I was negative and didn't need anymore testing.. and the boss told me he was looking at my test result and it was negative.... NO way, NO How, did I have anything to worry about after 11 months.. Anyway.. on the next day, Tuesday..when I tested again that is when she made the remark...Anyway... I guess this one sentence about "concern" has me thrown a bit... it didn't make any sense.... I called her back a few days later and she told me that she never was concerned then and wasn't concerned now.... I have explored every avenue with this sentence.. "That is why I was concerned"... Did she mean, she was concerned about the line at the control C area not lined up perfectly, or did she mean she was concerned about ME and not the tests... concerned about why I was acting like I was acting.... testing again...Anyway.... can someone here help me with this... I think I have just about gotten over it. I went back to the clinic exactly one week after my test and talked to everyone about my tests and I also gave them a big donation to cover my tests.. The lady clinic tech kept telling me over and over that I WAY OVERRRRRRRRRRRRR negative and that I was finished testing "IT IS OVER" ... just to be careful.... and use protection from here on out.... The other clinic tech who told me tthat I was negative and to go have Starbucks... was also there... The clinic manager was there and I told him I never doubted their test results... but I was worried about the line not lining up perfectly... he said they had never messed up a test before and to stop worrying... Anyway.. it was a joyous atmosphere... Ok.. back up to now.. if anyone here can make any sense of my worry about what the one clinic tech said days earlier... I would really appreciate it...I have just about moved on with my life.. It is just this one thing that is still nagging...Here below is the one part of this post that maybe some of you can help me figure out... or... does it even matter.....???

Anyway, we were talking after she checked the negative box on the form and signed her name and told me I was finished with testing.. I was talking about why I was back getting tested again and that I thought the little lines were supposed to be centered up perfectly between the triangles.. Anyway, as I was talking, she made the comment.. and it went something like this "that's why I was concerned".... I really didn't think that much about it at the time... but I think subconciously this is what has been buried deep inside me... Did she mean that she was concerned about ME, and not the test..... concerned about the way I was acting and worrying over nothing........

God bless you alll and I would appreciate your help....

Last edited by tnman; 12-12-2007 at 12:28 PM.

 
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Old 12-12-2007, 12:30 PM   #2
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

ok.. I have updated this posting. I have no idea how all of other words that had nothing to do with this post go inserted. Anyway, does anyone have any ideas about why I am worried about this? Also, on the same day we were talking.. the clinic tech told me I would probably benefit from taking Paxil or some other kind of antidepressant. Any help would be greatly appreciated.. Thanks!

 
Old 12-12-2007, 08:58 PM   #3
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

Tn-

Well, I'm not really sure of your background, or what you were being tested for, but I can say from reading your post that if your test came back negative, it's most likely the clinician was talking about someone else's test or something else.

One of the reasons these obsessions stick with us is because we have such a fear of being sick or developing a disease, but like I always say, the fear of the event is far greater than the actual event.

 
Old 12-13-2007, 12:17 AM   #4
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

Hi tnman!

I am so very sorry that you are going nutz over this one comment. Maybe I can help though. I used to be a paramedic, and one of the most important things was to keep the patient calm,,, not by outright lying to them, but just to be reassuring.

Also, in my hundreds of doctor's visits, hospital stays, etc., I have noticed that almost all medical personnel do the exact same thing. If the patient seems stressed or concerned, they try to reassure them, and try to show empathy. I have even heard comments made to patients from doctor's receptionists. They absolutely should not be commenting about anything. And, most times, the technicians or lab folks, should never comment either. I believe that what happened to you, may have just been the lab person trying to show empathy to your statement.

I do feel secure that you can trust what the doctor/manager said.

Regarding the anti-depressant, again, the lab tech is NOT a doctor, and should not have given her opinion on any medication or diagnosis. If you are depressed and cannot shake it, then go to your primary physician, and talk to him/her about your depression.

I hope so much that this helps you! My very best to you!
sobs

Last edited by sobs; 12-13-2007 at 12:25 AM. Reason: misspelled word

 
Old 12-13-2007, 07:14 AM   #5
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

thank you so much.................. This really helps... The test I was talking about is a RAPID HIV TEST.. I was tested 3 times last spring... 2 times at 1 month, 1 time at a month and 1 time at 3 months... All were negative. I just wanted to go back and get tested again to finalize everything.. They have all told me at the clinic that I am NEGATIVE and that I am done with it........ FINISHED... I tested 3 times that week and all of them were negative... It just scared me after I left the clinic, when I got to thinking a back about it...

Last edited by tnman; 12-13-2007 at 07:17 AM.

 
Old 12-13-2007, 07:29 AM   #6
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

I guess I do have one more question.. does it even really matter about any of this? I didn't go to the clinic to get her opinion or anyone's opinion... I went to get a test and get the test results... THEY WERE NEGATIVE.. That is the only important part, right? Can I just disregard what she said and forget about it altogether? I had another test taken that Friday after and it was also negative and it was done by another clinic tech.. who also told me I was finished and done with it... NO MORE TESTING.. YOU ARE NEGATIVE, Go have Starbucks... Can I just forget this altogether???
Also, by the way.. I notice that when I go and exercise, by walking for about an hour, I feel so much better.. It is kind of like my mood balances out so good and I really don't have a care in the world.... Is this due to my serotonin levels being built up by walking/exercise?

 
Old 12-13-2007, 10:05 AM   #7
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

Tn-

Well, excercise certainly does help the body in many ways like getting your heart pumping and releasing more serotonin and endorphins in your brain, which is why you feel so great after a good workout. I've incorporated excercise into my daily routine to stay healthy, and I find that it does help with my OCD.

As far as the HIV thing, you know from this board that having a fear of HIV is common for many people with OCD, as is germ contamination. Medically speaking for me personally, yes HIV is scary, but I'm sure it's scary to anyone, including those who don't have OCD. The news and mass media portray HIV and cancer and all these other diseases in a horrible light, but what they don't tell you is that with treatment, many people lead normal lives. There is one sure way to not get HIV, and that's to not have multiple sex partners or share needles for drug use, or not have sex all together. If you do engage in sex, always use a condom.

If you're spending tons of money to have your blood tested for HIV and you'd like to stop because you know you're obsessing about it, what I would do is donate blood every two months, which is what I do. I don't have the HIV obsession, but I donate to help people, and it's also proven that donating blood can help increase your life span. Point being, they test your blood for HIV and lots of other things before sending it to wherever it needs to go, so basically you're getting a free HIV test.

I'm not condoning giving in to your obsession to have an HIV test done, but what I am saying is try to control your obsession so that donating blood once every two months is your HIV test. This way you're helping others, and still having an HIV test done. By doing this you're not really giving into your obsession becuase they're going to check your blood anyway.

I would also say you might want to find a CBT in your area that you can talk to so you can develop some strategies for battling back against your OCD. You can check the OC Foundations webpage, as they have listings of CBTs in your area.

 
Old 12-13-2007, 10:20 AM   #8
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

hey there.. My fear is not having HIV... I Have had a total of 8 test taken in one year... I was finished with it in March of 07... but I wanted to finalize things in Nov by taking one more test to be done with it.. Then the tech took the test and scanned an image of it and e mailed it to me... it just looked a bit different than it did in person... It was still a negative result... the little line just wasn't lined up perfectly centered in the middle of the C control area...that is why I went back to be tested again the next day.. The tech did the next test on tuesday, it was negative as well.... but as I was explaining why was back down there to be tested again.. she made the remark "that is why I was concerend".. Anyway, I tested again that Friday after that and it was negative again... I just wanted to make sure everything was fine I guess.. Anyway, my fear isn't about having HIV.. I know I am negative and I accept the results... and I am happy about that.. I was just trying to figure out if she was just concerned about ME and the way I was acting, and not concerned about the test itself... Anyway, I called her back the week after and she told me she was NEVER concerned then NOR was she concerned NOW.. Anyway... do you think I should just let this go??? I am doing better.. I just want to know if I should just disregard this altogether and go on.. I was proven to be DEFINITIVEY NEGATIVE in MARCH 26, 2007... it had been the 3 month mark after my last possible risk... Anyway.. thanks for your help...

 
Old 12-13-2007, 06:47 PM   #9
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

Hi tnman!
Great going! Let it go. As I said, these medical folks are there to give support, comfort, etc., and in doing so, some step over that line.

Forget about the technician. I'm sure that she was just trying to show you some empathy.

You're negative young man!!!!! Hallelujah.

Here's hoping you can let it go.

And yes, exercise, and any other kind of distraction helps greatly. If it is a time when you cannot exercise, listen to music and sing along. Watch a movie. Talk on the phone.

You already sound so much better.
My best to you!
sobs

 
Old 12-13-2007, 08:32 PM   #10
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

Tn-

Well I guess I'm confused because you said your fear is not having HIV, yet you've had numerous tests done, so I'm not really sure about that. What I can say is negative is negative, so I would follow sobs' advice and just let it go. I know, easier said than done, but as time goes by your OCD will calm down.

 
Old 12-14-2007, 07:46 AM   #11
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

hey there. Thanks for the great advice. I guess from looking back at it.. the reason I tested over and over is as follows.. After the first test, there was not a huge big sigh of relief.. I guess because it was something I knew all along... and then in my mind.. it was like.. hmmmm something must be wrong because there was no feeling of euphoria.. then I started to question every little detail. After arriving home that night, I had the photo of the scanned image that looked a bit different than it did in the office.. Anyway, I told you all that I called back and they told me over and over I was negative and the photo of the test showed a negative result. Anyway, they told me I did not need to be tested again.. I went back the next day, just to ease my fears.. I tested and the result was negative again... and that was the day after she gave me test she told me I was negative... we were talking about why I was back down there.. and I was saying something about the little line not being lined up perfectly centered.. her telling me I might need to be on paxil and that I worried too much..the she made the remark..."that's why I was concerned"... anyway.. I was fine with my test result, but after that I left and then the fears started rolling thru.. so, I went back on Friday and tested again...this time with a different tech... the test was also negative as well and they told me over and over I was done and needed no more testing.

I guess the biggest reason I went back...

was to sort of CANCEL out the fears from the last test.........hoping that I would get the euphoric feeling and not having to worry about the questions and fears from the last test.. does this make any sense?? Can someone help me further with this?? I appreciate your help. BIG TIME.. I am doing better...

 
Old 12-14-2007, 09:37 AM   #12
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

Quote:
Originally Posted by tnman View Post
her telling me I might need to be on paxil and that I worried too much..the she made the remark..."that's why I was concerned".
Tn-

From what you say, maybe the reason this technician was concerned was becuase she agreed with you that you might need to be on Paxil to help with your anxiety. Or, maybe she wasn't even talking about you, but as you know those of us with OCD can make a mountain out of a mole hill. Come to think of it, I don't think moles make hills, I think they dig tunnels.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tnman View Post
I guess the biggest reason I went back...

was to sort of CANCEL out the fears from the last test.....
As I've told other people on the board, the fear of an obsession is far worse than the actual event itself. For alot of us fear plays a big part in our obsessions or compulsions. We try to calm that fear by carrying out rituals or compulsions, but the more you do, the more you'll have more fear and anxiety, so it's basically the reverse effect. Remember that OCD is cyclical, and the more you engage in the rituals, the more you're going to continue to engage in those rituals.

We try to control the fear and relieve the anxiety by carrying out the compulsions or rituals like cleaning, checking, counting, or returning to a clinic to have multiple HIV tests done. I would also check to see if you can find a good CBT in your area and start doing some therapy. I would also ask the CBT or your physcian about going on a low dose of an SSRI.

Glad you're doing better!

 
Old 12-14-2007, 09:50 AM   #13
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

thanks for the advice.. do you think there is even any need to care about what she said?. I mean all of the tests were negative, that is why I went.. to get my negative test results... I guess everything else is moot...... the tests are the deciding factor... and they were all negative... and also, if there had been any problems, they would have told me about them. I do always worry about what someone thinks.. this is in a lot of situations.. I always wonder what someone else is thinking.. Thanks! any more help will be appreciated. Thanks!

 
Old 12-14-2007, 06:05 PM   #14
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Re: worried and can't get over my fears of what clinic tech was talking about

hey there guys and gals!! I want to thank you all for your help! I probably did a silly thing this evening... But I called the clinic back and talked to the supervisor today. I was going to talk to the tech who did my test, but she had moved over to the drug and alcohol services department and it is in another location.. Anyway, I asked the supervisor about my tests...and I asked him if they were ever concerned or worried about any of my tests? He said no no no no no no no.. they never were.. you were way way way way way way out of your window period... Don't even worry about it.. you were just fine....the tests were ok. I told him thanks again and to have a Merry Christmas.. Anyway, I think it is way over time for me to forget about this stuff.. do you all? I feel so much better about now... Tell me what you all think... Thanks!

Last edited by tnman; 12-14-2007 at 09:27 PM.

 
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