obsessive thoughts are scaring me. - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

dodedoo · 12-12-2007, 08:50 AM

has anyone ever had obsessive thoughts about killing themselves? i know i would never do it. but i have obsessive thoughts about suicide. it comes back during times of high anxiety and stress. i find it really annoying and scary at the same time. help?

BadMalibu · 12-12-2007, 10:29 AM

Dodedoo-

Intrusive thoughts can take many different forms and different people have different intrusive thoughts, but they're all just intrusive thoughts. If you're not already seeing a CBT for your OCD, it's probably a good idea to find a CBT in your area who can work with you to develop strategies to control your OCD.

You said that during times of high anxiety and stress your intrusive thoughts are worse, and that holds true for me too, as it does for many of us that have OCD. Most Psychologists will tell you that stress is directly related to an increase in OCD moments becuase we're experiencing all these feelings, whether they're scary or happy feelings.

I started driving with a new company this past Monday and no matter how long you've been driving a semi, they always put you with a trainer. So I was not familiar with the docks that I would be delivering too, although my trainer was. He wanted to see how well I did backing into a tough dock that wasn't straight, so he got out of the truck and was watching me. I hate it when people watch me because it makes me so nervous. Well after bumping the wall, and tipping over a few pallets in the back of my truck, I finally got the truck docked, but during that time I could see the expression on his face and he wasn't very happy. I apologized and went on with my day.

Later as soon as I left work on the way home I started having intrusive thoughts flood in like crazy, and although it was hours after the incident, I was having them anyway. This was because my brain was too busy concentrating on work and what I had to do, rather than thinking about OCD. When we're at rest or not using our brains, our intrusive thoughts will also flood in, especially if it's after a time where we know we cannot afford to use up anymore brain energy. So basically when I was nervous and backing up my truck and my OCD started I just told it to shut up, but OCD is resilient and later it came back, and when it did I dealt with it by saying that I had a tough day, and sometimes you have a tough day at work, and tomorrow would be better.

Hope this helps.

sobs · 12-12-2007, 07:32 PM

Hi dodedoo

I'm not sure what information you want here, but this is my thought and experience.

I cannot say that I have ever really obsessed on suicide. Are you worried that your obsession may lead to suicide, even though you say that you would never kill yourself???

I have some physical illnesses with excruciating pain, and, like you, I know that I would never never kill myself. My thought runs more towards "I would really welcome death". Is that what you are thinking?

Just please be aware that if you are afraid that this may turn into suicide, that you must get help. Also, again..... distraction is a wonderful thing. Perhaps call a friend, put on a favorite movie. Or, put on some music and sing, sing, sing!!! The more senses that you can get involved in your distraction, the better!

Take care please!
sobs

dodedoo · 12-12-2007, 08:33 PM

I cannot say that I have ever really obsessed on suicide. Are you worried that your obsession may lead to suicide, even though you say that you would never kill yourself???

my fear is that i will act on my thoughts, even though i don't want to.

sobs · 12-12-2007, 09:40 PM

Hi dodedoo!

Have you tried the distraction thing? Is there someone that you can call when you get this way?

Please get some help with this, if you cannot handle it on your own. You know what? We never realize how many people's lives we have effected in a good way. I will tell you that these boards, and the people who post here, have had a wonderful effect on my life, and that includes you. Please, do not leave this world. You are needed!!!!!

My best to you!
sobs