Okay, so I thought I was doing good. I was starting to deal a bit better and anxiety wasnt SO bad. I was still having the weird emotions and all, but I was dealing. My harming thoughts werent as bad and I wasnt that afraid. I was still having nightmares, but after being awake for a few hours I was okay.
I recently watched this ghost hunters type show where this kid was seeing bloody dead people. He specifically saw this one guy, whos body was found in the woods near his house (whom he never heard of or knew of, or so they say)
The child to me obviously had schizophrenia. He was hearing voices telling him to do bad things. He was seeing bloody people and black mists and had a speech problem.
Anyway, I couldnt get this out of my head. I keep seeing dead bodies in my head (like the wooded area the body was found in the show) and now I am imagining all types of weird scenarios involving dead people and remembering past "real life" shows I have seen where they showed bodies or areas bodies were found. I look at loved ones and see them bloddy and dead in my head and its freaking me out big time.
Now I am not actually seeing this.. its all in my head. I am not hearing voices or anything like that. BUT i am afraid now, especially after seeing that show, of becoming schizophrenic. I read the symptoms online and I have them all except the hallucinations and stuff. I know this is probably all attributed to my OCD and Anxiety, but I'm afraid I am going to become schizo now.
But, I also cant get these grose images out of my head. Im fixating on them and its causing me distress. I feel funny and weird inside. like Im one minute away from loosing my mind. I just want to have a normal thought pattern and not see these images. I was doing pretty well, too. I thought I was over the worst of it and now Im right back here spiking hard.
Has anyone ever had this imagery? and fears? Is this my OCD or soemthing else? I guess I am doing some compulsions in my head, like good imagery after I think of the bad, but as soon as i do it the bad image comes right back in. and when I do my cbt it keeps popping in as well. like its constant right now.. im hoping as the day goes on I will cope better. please give me some advice.
It sounds to me very much like this is your OCD!! It is so typical: You see something you are afraid might happen to you, and your OCD hooks on to it. You don't want to think it, and the more you try to suppress the images, the more intrusive they become. You are afraid of them and they become even more intrusive. It is a vicous cycle. Typical for intrusive thoughts.
Chances are that before long this obsession will pass again. I know it is hard to do, but try to just let the images happen. They do NOT mean you are schizophrenic. You do not sound psychotic to me. Somebody who is schizophrenic/psychotic does not know that it's all ion their head. That is the difference between psychosis and disorders like anxiety disorders (what was beofre called neurosis).
Kathrin is right, this is just your OCD trying to grab onto anything it can to make you feel bad. It's funny you mention the show Paranormal State because I also saw that episode, but there's a difference between how I interpreted the show, and how you interpreted the show, and you'll see it all comes down to how your OCD granbs onto certain things.
First off, I believe in the paranormal becuase there are way too many unexplainable things on this earth that people see or hear that are not attributed to any kind of mental disorder. So I guess you have to ask yourself, what do you believe? Do you believe in spirits and ghosts? Do you believe in demons and harmful spirits? Or do you believe that this kid was just a schizophrenic and has other emotional issues? While I know there are many so called "psychics" out there, I do believe there are a select few people who really can see and hear spirits, noteably one of them is Sylvia Brown who often appears on the Montel Williams Show.
Remember that the more you dwell and obsess on these intrusive thoughts, the more power you give to them.