I'm afraid to leave my house today.. - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

CatGirl1975 · 12-15-2007, 12:10 PM

I woke up early this morning feeling a sense of dread. Depression, no energy, and a headache. My husbands Christmas party for work is tonight, and with that hanging over my head is causing anxiety. I know when I wake up feeling like this my obsessions/intrusive thoughts will be strong that day. I know better NOT to watch tv or read the news, because if I see anything about that "virus" it will make my day a living hell..

But I broke my own rule and read a news article about that "virus". Like I said that I know better, but my OCD has a mind of it own, like forcing me to read the article anyways.

Now my head is aching, my heart is pacing, and depression is coming on. But most of all, Im afraid to leave my home and go to this party. This whole season is suppose to be about giving, family and being thankful..But I just want it to all go away. Right now my intrusive thoughts are telling me that "I have this virus, I have the symptoms, I gave it to my daughter, my husband, I will give it to everyone at the party, and they all know I have it." I can't go to this party, but how can I tell my husband this? Everyone there will be having fun. Looking at me, and wanting to talk to me. I can only imagine what my intrusive thoughts would be like then. I will just be safer not to leave my home, don't watch tv and dont read anything! How will I make it through the Holiday season?

seriousperson · 12-15-2007, 01:45 PM

CatGirl1975,

I can relate to everything you describe. Taking risperdal has given me enough freedom from the wake-up-with-dread that I am able to make myself go places.
But even if you decide to ask your health care provider about taking risperdal, that's not going to help you at the moment.

Are you familiar with the basic premise of cognitive behavioral therapy? Staying home will give you a measure of relief from the anxiety for the moment. But if you can manage to make yourself go, enduring the increased anxiety as you go, you will experience even greater relief, and you will experience less anxiety next time.

dksea · 12-16-2007, 03:01 AM

It may be too late for this to make a difference for your party, but here's my advice. When you are afraid to go out, do it anyway. Every time you give in to your fears and the OCD it just gets stronger. Its natural to want to avoid anxiety and we all feel what you feel! I'll tell you though, everytime I make myself do something inspite of my OCD, its gets easier. I'm breaking the cycle of the OCD, and I'm winning and its not. I pass THROUGH my fear, i don't go around it, hide from it, I accept that its there but it doesn't control me.

Of course, thats not to say its EASY, and i certainly have setbacks. But with the therapy and the medication and some hard work I've been able to take my life back and you can too, i just know it!

CatGirl1975 · 12-16-2007, 09:06 AM

Thanks for your understanding and advice.

Instead of letting my obsessive thoughts and anxiety take over my life yesturday. I turned my OCD around. I took my time getting ready for this party(3 hrs). I thought it would be best to focus on positive things! I painted my nails, picked out a great outfit, spent more time on my hair and makeup and changed into a beautiul Coach handbag that I just got for Christmas. While doing all this I told myself, "I am beautiful, Im not sick with that virus, I know just about everyone at the party, and they all care about me".

I must admit, not to sound conceded, I do turn heads when I walk into a room. I hate this. I always keep my head down, I am very insecure. Social anxiety..But last night I made myself keep my chin up and put a somewhat kind of smile on my face. I faced all those eyes looking at me. It was tuff, but I did it. I even forced myself to open my mouth and say a few words, joined my husband in conversation with his boss and other employees. I also didn't count the tables, chairs, spoons, all that stuff on the tables or around the room. I only thought about that "virus" maybe three times.

I understand now from the advice here that I cannot let this get the better of me..I feel that since I faced that fear my other obsessions/rituals were knocked down as well..Like it is all linked togeather...Sorta like if you kicked one demons butt, the others will run away..

Im glad I went. My husband felt like the luckest man in the room(he told me this), the food was great and everyone had a good time, including me.

seriousperson · 12-16-2007, 10:21 PM

Catgirl, That's really great to hear! It makes me smile.

Maybe print out your last post for a time in the future when the demon might return and you need to be reminded how you feel when you do refuse to hide.