Rob6184

It's a real load off finding these forums. I have a feeling the load will get even lighter as I read more and more similar stories about obsessive thoughts.

But this post is about my compulsions. I always suspected that I had that nebulous "disorder" known as OCD but I was never too sure because I haven't ever heard of anyone who suffers from symptoms like mine. You hear about the people who wash their hands forever and clean their houses for half their lives, but honestly I could probably be a lot cleaner than I am and I'm confident I have no issue with excessive fear of germs or dirt. My issue is with keeping my body parts even. For instance, when both of my hands are on a table I become keenly aware of which parts of my fingers are touching the table surface and which aren't and I find myself unconsciously trying to keep a balance between each hand. If one side becomes too extreme then the other will have to compensate and then the whole thing repeats itself.

Throughout the years this has moved throughout my body like a sickness, infecting one area and then moving on to the next. I remember when I was a kid I had a short stint where it was in my eyes and I was literally blinking myself crazy. Then it moved into my shoulder blades where I'd have to dig them into the chair or sofa so much that they'd get sore. Most of these compulsions are unconscious so I'm only really scratching the surface here. When I read anything I need to reread different words multiple times, not to comprehend them better, but just because I feel I my eyes need to spend an even amount of time on every single detail. I itch something and then have to itch again and again an again just to set the balance back. I think I'm pretty much doing these things every waking moment and often not realizing it.

Do these sound familiar to anyone or are even the OCD folks surprised?