Probably My Final thread

[tnman]

hey there my friends. I think this will be my final thread... Hopefully, I will be able to let this go.. I had a long talk again today with my mother... And after looking over my complete incident, I have acted like some kind of a fool. I Have had HIV test after test done. I even had 2 more tests done after the one where I couldn't interpret what the lady "might"have said.. in regards to the one test that I thought looked funny on the scanned photo... that is when she said after giving me the next negative test result, she said, "that's why I was concerned"... Anyway, she was probably just talking about me, as to why I was worried.. anyway, that particular test was negative on the day it was given, we both saw it.. Also, the next test was negative, we both saw it. and then I went back and had another test done that friday and it was negative....COMMON SENSE would tell me and anyone else...if the first lady tech had a problem with ANY of my test results, then they would have filled me in on full details.. ordered me to send blood on to another lab for further studies...they would have told me about their "concerns".. They are required by law to do this if there are any problems... NO ONE DID THIS... they sent me on my way and told me I was NEGATIVE.. NEGATIVE.. NEGATIVE... over and over again... Anyway, people, I have acted like a total fool in all of this.. With it being Christmas and everything... I need to be appreciating my NEGATIVE results.... I have been very fortunate... and I need to be thanking GOD instead of listening to silly fears in my head... thinking back.... I did all of htis to myself.. MY ocd did it to me... there was noithing wrong with ANY of my tests... it was just my irrational fears getting the best of me... like someone else said.. OCD is the "doubting disease"... with the "what ifs" thrown in.. Anyway, I hope this post can help someone else... I think I am going to be fine now... I should be able to forget this... I would appreciate any of your further input on this... expecially you Malibu and all of the others who have helped me... Anyway.. does this post make sense??? Thank you all!! from good ole cold TN!!

[BadMalibu]

Tn-

Well I pretty much posted what I thought about the whole situation in your other thread about the clinic tech. You talk about common sense in regards to your test results being negative, but as we all know OCD doesn't have any common sense, nor is it rational, nor does it play by the rules.

[tnman]

hey there BadMalibu... thanks you so much for all of your input.. it means a lot to me... Yes, it is true, OCD has no common sense to it... but there comes a time when , ME , I have to grow up and say, do I want to live like this for the rest of my life or do I want to say, well.. this was all my making.......... there was absolutely nothing wrong with those tests.. and like you said in the other post... it makes no difference what the clinic tech said or what she was wearing that day or what she thought...the test was still negative. she is only a middleman.. a test giver... and she was the one who did the first test that week and it was just fine... it was only my fears of a scanned image that really made no difference at all because the results on the scanned image were still negative.. it was my fears and my ocd that caused me to "doubt". it is all my fault and I need to accept it.. I caused every bit of this.. And besides.. what did the clinic tech have to be concerned about?? Even if the test was anything to be concerned about... I had already been proven to be negative and I would still been proven to be negative because I AM NEGATIVE... and also.... Even if the little line did look different , it did not matter because the test was over... it was a negative and with the HIV test, you are looking for ONE LINE AT THE CONTROL C AREA.... MINE HAD ONE LINE AT THE CONTROL AREA... and when someone goes for test results for HIV, you are going to get the results.. not what Bessie Lou, Jo Anne, or whoever thinks... it is what the test "thinks" is what matters... I think I have this all sorted out... I also think some of this has been a little bit of feeling sorry for myself because this happened... but nothing really happened... I guess it is kind of like the song titled Making Love Out Of Nothing At All... except in this guess it is called Making Something Out of Nothing At All.. Absolutely NOTHING... All 8 of my tests were negative... IT IS FINAL, OVER..... sound right to you?

[BadMalibu]

Tn-

I'm not going to tell you that your test was negative again, because you know that already. What I will say is that I agree with you when you say that you don't want to live like this for the rest of your life. One thing that really helps me overcome my OCD is telling myself that I don't want to be 90 years old on my death bed thinking back to all the times where I was having OCD moments and think to myself, gosh, I wasted so much time on OCD, I really missed out on alot of things. Telling myself this during an OCD moment really helps because I don't want to waste anymore of my time with OCD.