OCD GUILT??? anyoneeee help? - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

ineedhelpasap21 · 12-21-2007, 10:09 PM

hi..im new here..i know that i had OCD as a child, i was constantly in fear of harming my mom. She always brushed off those symptoms because she didnt want to think that she had a less than perfect daughter. Well about a year ago, the OCD came back, usually just one week out of the month i had the fear that i would harm my dog (whom is my best friend) or my sister (a close second to the dog.) well, when i was a junior in high school, I had an abortion. (I know...go ahead ..i am beating myself up about it.) and never told my mom. I know that if i tell my mom, i will be kicked out of the house and my family will disown me (including my sister..who seriously looks down upon this) and i wont have anywhere to live. Well all of a sudden my OCD is telling me that i have to tell my mom/dad/sister about the abortion. I can't get the thoughts out of my head...Ill feel okay for about an hour or two and then all of a sudden the thoughts come back and overtake me..im depressed, anxious..i can't sleep...i cant eat i need help! and i feel like therapy isnt an option right now, not until i get out on my own because i cant afford it and my mom wont take me seriously. aaah..anyone relate? anyone have advice? please help!

kellogg · 12-21-2007, 10:38 PM

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. I get major OCD guilt, too, with the compulsion to confess. When I'm having an OCD guilt attack, those feelings almost feel worse to me than the obsessive thoughts. For me, a good way to distinguish between "OCD guilt" and "regular guilt," is 1) if I don't feel guilty about something right away, and one day, boom!, the guilt hits me and 2) if the guilt comes and goes, as you describe, then in these two situations it is probably OCD guilt. If, however, I feel guilty as soon as I've done something, then that's more likely, "real" guilt.

I think that it is very normal that you would feel a lot of emotions, including guilt, after having an abortion. If, however, there have been times when you feel like you accept that your decision was the right thing for you, and were able to feel comfortable keeping this information from your family, then this particular guilt episode that you describe is probably OCD guilt. In the case of OCD guilt, I've heard that it's best not to confess, as that is feeding into the compulsion. Is it possible for you find an objective person to confide in regarding this (i.e. counselor, etc.?)

ineedhelpasap21 · 12-21-2007, 11:26 PM

ah..its a relief to know im not alone with these guilty feelings. I have found a lot of information about OCD guilt for people who havent done REAL things that they should feel guilty about, but none for those who have. No i dont feel like i have anyone that i can talk to about this, which is why i decided to join a forum. I was hoping maybe someone had advice on what their therapists told them to do when they are experiencing these guilty thoughts and feelings. Im really looking into Cognitive Behavioral therapy..like workbooks or things i can do at home..i think im EXTRA nervous because my sister and i are going on a trip in a couple of weeks, just the two of us and im afraid im going to lose control and confess! I CANT do it...and I KNOW that i dont want to tell, but for some odd reason, my ocd all of a sudden decided to give me an attack of conscience. :-/

ineedhelpasap21 · 12-21-2007, 11:28 PM

P.S. thanks for being so understanding

purplegirl1 · 12-23-2007, 12:24 AM

Ok, I have OCD Guilt/Confessions all of the time. So, you are not alone at all!!! I am so sorry that you are going through this b/c I do know how you feel about having the compulsions to confess. It feels like you just need to blurt it out to get it out.. but what happens after you do, you feel worse. My therapist says that you need to not confess in order to have the obsession go away and if you give in and confess it makes the obsession worse and it may not go away and you may not even feel better after confessing...Maybe this will help:

1. If you did not feel this need to confess when you had the abortion, then it is definatly OCD Confessing that you are having now and it would be worse for you to confess it....
2. This was something that was a personal decision of yours and you DO NOT have to tell anyone...you are entiteled to have somethings kept private to yourself. You do not owe anyway your business...even if it is your close family.
( I do that, I tell everyone too much info.)
3. Let's say you do tell them, what would make things better for you? Ya know, it is just an obsession so it is hard to see that.
4. My therapist says to exaggerate the obsessiong....like ok, you had an abortion and you are obsessing about telling your mom and sister....oh no if you don't you are keeping secrets from them and you are the only person in the world that keeps things private from others...come on, that is silly, right?? How many people do things and keep it to themselves, SO MANY!!!!!!

I hope this helped?? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is great!!!!