Growing crazier but wiser - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

Birdbreath · 12-28-2007, 08:41 PM

Usually I just want the unusual thoughts to go away so that I can get on with my life. I just pass it off as OCD or a superstitious thought. But the thoughts, as other people have noted here, are real, it's just the intensity and repetition and exaggeration of them that's the problem. So, I've lately been holding onto these "crazy" ideas that I have. And in doing so, I feel like I'm becoming more of myself.

One major thing is that I've always fought for what is right, but lately I'd been having issues with that; I wasn't strong enough. But I held on, and I tried even in my miniscule attempts to do what was right. And I've been doing this for at least over a month now.

The thing is though, it seems like everytime something happens now that I feel is wrong, I need to make it right. It's not so much that it's an obsessive thought, but I just feel like if I choose not to fix one thing, then why should I bother fixing anything else? Anyway, the way I'm acting is all starting to make me seem insane, I think...

I really want to make myself a better person in this upcoming year, but in ways I wonder if it's all just going to fall apart and I'm going to give it up to the idea that I might not be normal..

So here's one thing I'd like to do. A few people have confronted me, because I repeated things about them to other people that I wasn't supposed to. Well, I don't want to do that to anyone anymore. So I want to tell people, before anyone else confronts me, that I'm sorry, but that in the past, I have said things about them that I shouldn't have, but that I'm telling them this because now I have vowed to change and be a different person. I wonder if that is a reasonable thing to do? I know I would rather someone tell me this, than finding out through somebody else.. because then if they told me they admit it, but they're different now, well I probably wouldn't believe them. This is an example of one of the things that I'd like to do. But with this example, am I going too far? And if I can't do this, why do anything else? How do you change your life but not feeling you're being OCDish about it, when you're acting on ways that in the past you would have coined as OCD?

seriousperson · 12-29-2007, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Birdbreath

...I just feel like if I choose not to fix one thing, then why should I bother fixing anything else? ...

This could be part of an obsession to have everything fixed perfectly. It could also lead to depression.

About telling people you're sorry for gossiping about them when they don't know yet that you did...that's a difficult decision. Perhaps it would be better if you were just ready to unconditionally apologize (no I'm-sorry-but's) at any time when you are confronted. The only reason I say this is because there could be instances where you gossiped to someone who had the good sense not to pass it along. Then telling the victim of the gossip about your action would only upset that person needlessly.