I faced my OCD monster today... - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

CatGirl1975 · 01-08-2008, 04:56 PM

This book I have been reading said that we need to face our fears..Push the OCD obsession to the limit, face it..I did just that today..

Today after work I went to the bank..I thought to myself, I could go to the grocery store, it's only a couple miles away..It would be a good idea to go because Im busy all week and Im right down the street..But I knew I couldn't go..I don't have my returnable pop bottles(which go back only when I grocery shop) and I don't have my grocery list or coupons(which I never shop without)..And I didn't want to drive all the way home to get it all..(which I have done a million times before)..But I started to drive there anyways..And it was the hardest and longest drive in my life..I obsessed so much about not having my list, coupons and pop bottles that I gave myself a headache and small panic attack by the time I reached the store. The anxiety was so bad that I ran into the bathroom to scrub my hands..Then once I got my cart I scrubbed that with a lysol wipe.. I was lost in the store..Even though I know it by heart...I couldn't find anything I needed, I had shortness of breath, kept crashing my cart into people and just felt "out of whack"..I made it home in one piece..My ordeal took so much energy out of me, I came home and fell asleep..

But I did it!! I went outside of my box...Took one of my obsessions/rituals and rubbed mud in its face...

motherofOCD · 01-08-2008, 05:08 PM

I think it's good that you want to take steps to overcome your OCD symptoms and I'd like to say congratulations on taking such a big step. But, maybe next time you could just leave out one thing, like, have your list and coupons but don't take the pop bottles. Or go to the store completely unprepared, but only to buy milk. I don't have OCD and I don't manage very well without a list!

What a good growing step though!

dksea · 01-09-2008, 12:33 AM

Wow, you didn't take a step you took a leap! I'm glad you were able to handle it, but I agree with Mother, next time maybe you should consider taking a step that won't be quite so drastic for you

On the other hand who am i to stand i the way of someone who wants to grab the bull by the horns! ;-)

BadMalibu · 01-09-2008, 10:48 AM

Cat-

Hey that's great that you took a step outside of your comfort zone, but it sounds like you bit off a little more than you could chew. Next time, try what mother says and maybe take everything you need, except your coupons, or maybe your bottles. We all have to remember that it's very anxiety provoking to step outside our comfort zone, so when you do, you must take it a step at a time and not bite off more than you can chew. Try little things first, and once you gain confidence, try more until it becomes easy for you. And remember that setbacks don't mean that you failed at stretching outside your comfort zone, setbacks simply mean you might have taken on more than you could.

I'm very happy that despite your anxiety you stretched a little bit, so keep us all updated.

CatGirl1975 · 01-09-2008, 12:14 PM

Thanks everyone for the great replies..I agree that I took too much of a big step..

It's strange that grocery shopping can have so much drama for me..Most people just do their shopping..I have to do it "my OCD way" for lack of better words..I can't believe that not having petty items with me could cause so much anxiety..And that anxiety cause physical pain and forced me into my ritual of washing my hands and the cart..I am happy that I went for it..I acutally "lived for the moment" for the first time in years.

I haven't told any family members about yesturday..I thought of a way to tell my husband how it felt for me..Going to the store unplanned, and with none of my "security items" would be like a non OCD person going to the store naked..Thats the only way I could compair the two to help him understand, but I decided to keep the experience to myself..

I live my life by "list without risk". I write everything down that needs to be done..But im going to change that..Do more things on a spur of the moment outside of the list..Little things, like going to the video store unplanned, or even to the movies..