chicoutimi

Hi, I'm new to this forum. I'm a mid-twenties female graduate student. I've always been a worrier, but it seems as if the past year or so has been worse than ever. It seems like my mind will fixate on anything, making me sad, withdrawn, anxious and tense. In the past I've worried about getting HIV/AIDS or cancer, the end of the world, being a perfectionist, dying in my sleep, etc.

Lately, I worry about my relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years. I'm constantly asking myself "Do I really love him? How do I know if I love him enough? How do I know I'm not just fooling myself into beliving that I love him? What if we get married and get divorced? What if our relationship ends after we have children and everyone's lives are ruined?" and so on. I never realized that this can be a manifestation of OCD! I haven't been diagnosed with OCD, but I have been (and I am currently being) treated for anxiety. Also, I have trich (hair-pulling), although I've never talked to anyone (professional or friend) about that part. I've been reading posts on this forum for a few months now, but I didn't post until now because I was afraid that if I joined, I would 'meet' someone through the forum, fall in love and have no choice but to leave my boyfriend. I realize how irrational that line of thought it, but that's how I tend to think!

It seems like all of my anxiety/racing thoughts etc get worse at certain times of the month and/or when I have a lot going on at work and school. It gets to the point where it's difficult for me to leave my room because I feel like my world will just fall apart if I do. Sometimes it's very hard to distinguish between what I really think and feel and what my anxiety is making me think and feel. I feel as if my mind needs to have something to worry about, because almost as soon as I begin to feel better, something else pops up and consumes all my thoughts.

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there who has to deal with things like this, I know that the next step will be to begin to go deeper in my counseling sessions, but I'm worried about triggering more intense anxiety and non-stop thoughts in the process!