My story - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

ms1234 · 05-06-2008, 03:39 AM

Hi everyone. I am new to this forum. I have been recently diagnosed with ocd. Right now I have major ROCD problems. I am 23 and engaged. We have been together for a little over 2 years now. We are getting married on May 24th. Just recently I have been having these terrible thoughts "What if i dont love my fiance" or "what if i dont want to get married" These thoughts just race through my head. Its not the thoughts that scare me, but the feelings that come along with them. I feel like the thoughts are so real. I went to a counselor once and he directed me to my doctor. My doctor put me on Luvox and i have been taking that for about 2 weeks now. I was doing good for a week and a half, but now i feel like i have fallen in a hole again. I feel like there is no hope for me to get better. I know i love my fiance very much because when im not feeling bad I get so excited about being around her and I get excited about us getting married. But when im feeling bad, I feel so disconnected and I feel like im trying to convince myself that I dont love her and I want to break up with her. I feel like the times when i was feeling good is a distant memory. I have been reading other post and I here the same thing over again "dont rely on your feeling" but sometimes its just so hard.

Im sorry for the lenghty post (and grammar). I am just so frustrated now. I just want everything to be like it was a month ago.

If anyone else has gone through this i would love to here some encouragement.

Thank you

OCDwontgetme · 05-06-2008, 04:02 AM

i went thru the EXACT same thing with my fiance
i was constantly thinking, "what if i dont love him?" "what if i want to break up" but you have to realize that that is just the OCD that is basically telling you that... you cannot rely on the pills to cure this.. you have to work at it.. tell yourself constantly that when you were normal and for the 2 years that you were together you loved her and you still do.. you have to think about how you felt when you were normal and know that the OCD will go away and you will wish you acted upon things like when you were normal. i found saying "Its not me, its the OCD" very helpful and i would maybe tell your fiance about this... tell her that you KNOW you love her and never wanna be apart from her but you have something called OCD and it just makes you think that you dont and you think the absolute WORST.. and it drives you crazy... but YOU know you love her and you just have the thoughts running thru your head and because of that it makes you sick to think of being apart... hopefully she will understand.. good luck though... dont let this get you! i know how you feel... if you just try really hard this next week i promise you will see improvement and will get married happily like you know you want to.. you just want a normal life.. i know how you feel. good luck.. please contact me if you need more help.

Kellie

aliya77 · 05-13-2008, 08:03 AM

hey dear,

i posted a few weeks ago a thread about using some natural remedies, like bach flower remedies and calming herbal remedies and omega 3's that helped me completely overcome terrifying ocd thoughts, i was really afraid of my own mind, i know the hell and terror of ocd, the fear, the anxiety, all that, please go read my thread, maybe some of the stuff that helped me can help you too, remember it's all ocd, not you, they're not your thoughts they're ocd, and it is believed ocd is all in the hormones etc. in the brain, so by balancing that ocd disappears as well. there's plenty of help and hope, don't give up!!!!

TARAWJ77 · 05-13-2008, 12:17 PM

hello, i have ocd and i am not on any meds because i am afraid that my house will become a mess my ocd consist of cleaniness ,oder, same schedule routine what do you think

OCDwontgetme · 05-14-2008, 06:42 PM

your house will not become a mess if you are on medication.. the medication does NOT change you..... it only slows the part of your brain down that is going faster than normal..... so you will never not clean... you will only not freak out when you haven't cleaned. trust me. the meds are AMAZING