ocd and dying - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

victoria37 · 06-26-2008, 07:25 PM

I have had Ocd all my life. Lately it has been about death and dying. I will pick a date that my mind tells me that i am dying on and i will obsess over it and obsess over this date and keep thinking that I am dying on this date. What is wrong with me. I am so scared of life. I fear I am dying everyday. I start getting panic attacks also and I need ativan to calm me down. This is a disease that is destroying my life.

brettb262 · 06-27-2008, 02:55 PM

I have a similar problem that originated with smoking marijuana one night with an ex-friend in july of 2007 during which i received the most horrible panic attack that lasted 2 hours that led to anxiety attacks which progressed into ocd early this year i have chronic intrusive thoughts about my past but there is always a frightening reminiscent twist on them like something doesn't seem right which has led me to believe that i am dying slowly of mad cow disease, lyme disease, alzheimers or some other neurological disease that will cause me to lose my mind or i have developed schizophrenia and the worst one of all is that i'm already dead and right now i'm in the middle of passing from the waking world into the afterlife... my hypothyroidism doesn't help much either.

long story short ever since february of this year i haven't been able to leave the house, drive at night, sleep properly, work or do anything. i'm too afraid to do so. i would love to have my life and who i used to be back, but i don't know if that will ever happen. every night before i go to sleep i hope it's the last time.

forgot to mention the depersonalization and deja vu, i get these all the times when i see loved ones or friends or just eerie scenery that reminds me about something i've done or somewhere i've been and my heart will start to race, i also have to continously remind myself that my memory is still intact, ex: repeating my date of birth, what date it is, counting backwards from 100 by 7's just about anything you can think of.

dragonflyz · 07-15-2008, 08:22 AM

I can relate to how to you feel. I fear death alot. I've had ocd since I was a young child and at times its worse than others. I take celexa for it and it does help alot. I've actually considered my self healthy till about a year ago. I had some sinus problems and they decided to do a CT and everything went crazy from there. They found a lesion on my brain and I almost had a nervous breakdown. Ive had several MRI's and it hasnt grown, along with with a spinal, an abdominal CT. Plus Ive just been diagnosed with pernceious anemia and have had to give myself B12 injections (that has been really interesting). I am not a nurse and after 4 injections I had the doctor give me the nasal spray that I go and pick it up today. Through all this mess and a few others my health has been pretty good and no major findings BUT I still worry alot. I am learning to rely on my faith, but its difficult with the OCD its like it wont let you rest.

dmb024 · 07-15-2008, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brettb262

has led me to believe that i am dying slowly of mad cow disease, lyme disease, alzheimers or some other neurological disease that will cause me to lose my mind or i have developed schizophrenia

brett- i have this problem too. i get set on thinking i have one specific disease and then am convinced. and the fear of losing my mind is the worst. and like yours mine was because of a bad experience with marijuana where i too had a VERY bad panic attack! ever since then i can't get away from the feeling that i might be going crazy or might already be crazy and just not know it. and everytime that i've smoked its made my ocd-like symptoms (not positive i have ocd) 100x worse. i wish it were relaxing for me but its not. i kinda feel like it ruined my life because all my ocd-like symptoms were never there until that one bad experience.