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Old 08-07-2008, 09:54 AM   #1
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pandorakitten HB User
Obsessions about fear of hurting children.

For a few years now i have had obsessions that i want to hurt children sexually. It'a not so much images it's more. the thought of what if i want to? I do sometimes get images that are very upsetting.

I've had it for so long that i frequently feel very depressed and think od suicide. It feels like it will never go away.

It's got worse recently, whenever i think of a guy and feel aroused i think maybe i'm actually thinking of a child, and that is why i am aroused. Whenever i feel aroused in public, i think it's because there are children there. I now hate feeling aroused, because i assosiate it with fear because i think it's to do with children.

I find it really difficult to belive it's not them that are making me aroused, how do i tell? I sometimes make myself think of horrible thoughts to test myself to check if i am aroused, i hate doing this, i feel sick, but i constanly seek reasurance, and certainty that i can not ever obtain, i am awear that 100% certainty is something that can never be obtained but i just feel like i need it.

Some people say you should just let the thoughts go through your mind, but the thougths are thinking that i am aroused, how do i pass that through my mind, i don't know where to begin to help myself.

I am not a bad person, i am 20 years old, i have a lovely boyfriend, i care about my family and i've always wanted children of my own one day, but i feel constanly obsess over if i am an evil person and i really want to molest children or will one day. It torments me because i think what if one day i do something, how can i live if one day i might.

if anyone has a similar problem i would be very greatfull to hear about it, also anyone who has advice on how to combat these kind of intrusive worries and obsessions.

thanks for reading.

 
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Old 08-07-2008, 10:04 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Florida
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cathy1 HB Usercathy1 HB User
Re: Obsessions about fear of hurting children.

Please go to a medical professional. Not only do you need to talk about this but you need to be on medication. Many people have odd thoughts and will shrug it off but a person with OCD tendancies will NOT let that thought go and will obsess about it until it takes over their lives. You need something that will adjust your brain chemistry so if you have a thought that might be "off", your mind won't go into overdrive over it, you can then think about it rationally, and be able to let it go. Sometimes just knowing that your chemistry is off helps because you now know your not crazy but your mind simply is wired in such a way, and also it comes down to nature and nurture... that you'll be able not to panic if an intrusive thought comes into your head. Find yourself a good therapist that can also get you to a good Dr. for meds.

Last edited by cathy1; 08-07-2008 at 10:04 AM.

 
Old 08-07-2008, 10:08 AM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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pandorakitten HB User
Re: Obsessions about fear of hurting children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cathy1 View Post
Please go to a medical professional. Not only do you need to talk about this but you need to be on medication. Many people have odd thoughts and will shrug it off but a person with OCD tendancies will NOT let that thought go and will obsess about it until it takes over their lives. You need something that will adjust your brain chemistry so if you have a thought that might be "off", your mind won't go into overdrive over it, you can then think about it rationally, and be able to let it go. Sometimes just knowing that your chemistry is off helps because you now know your not crazy but your mind simply is wired in such a way, and also it comes down to nature and nurture... that you'll be able not to panic if an intrusive thought comes into your head. Find yourself a good therapist that can also get you to a good Dr. for meds.
Hey, i am on meds, have been on citalopram for around 3 years and just recently starting Clomipramine. I also see a therapist, only started seeing him though. I've been diagnosed with ocd, depression, GAD and anorexia.

Last edited by pandorakitten; 08-07-2008 at 10:10 AM.

 
Old 08-07-2008, 10:20 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Florida
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cathy1 HB Usercathy1 HB User
Re: Obsessions about fear of hurting children.

Then it sounds like your meds aren't working for you. It can take awhile to find the right combination. You might want to find a Dr. that specializes in OCD.

 
Old 08-09-2008, 05:56 AM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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seekcalmness HB Userseekcalmness HB User
Re: Obsessions about fear of hurting children.

pandorakitten

thanks for responding to my post. I think one of the hardest things about obsessive thoughts is that we say to ourselves (after obsessing of course) OMG not only did i have this crazy thought but I thought about it over and over again, therefore it must be true..then we think that we are bad, evil, ect. I think its the beating ourselves up about it so badly that is what hurts and bothers us. I have tried to think, although its hard, bad thoughts come to everyone but our brains keep them going due to some inability to just dismiss the thought...I think our world is a crazy place right now and we hear and see so much that we are constantly bombarded with weird, sick information that is almost always available. The truth is that we care...we care a lot and often we obsess about stuff that we DON'T want to be, or things we dont want to think or do. Like you said to me, and thanks by the way, life doesn't have to be this hard. take care

 
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