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Old 08-19-2008, 04:22 AM   #1
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pandorakitten HB User
fear of harming children /fear of wanting to harm children. can anyone relate?

I am 20 years old.For the past few years i've had an obsession that i might sexually hurt children, or might want to hurt them. This is difficult for me to write because i worry about what people will think of me. I've explained it to my thearapist, but i always feel there are bits i'm missing out, it's like i'm always looking for a reason that i may actually be evil.

I keep thinking i feel arousal when i'm near children. I don't know if i do, but i think what if i am feeling something. so now when i am near children, i am constanly wondering if i am feeling arousal. It may sound strange, but how do you know?

When i am with my boyfriend, i enjoy sex with him, but i obsess over, am i feeling turned on enough, is this what arousal feels like. I know i enjoy it, but i think maybe i should feel more aroused or somthing, like if i'm not that is a sign i am actually attracted to children. I find it hard to relax during sex with my boyfriend, because i am constanly asking myself if i am enjoying it enough, but i know i am, but the questions are still there.

I also worry about what if i am attracted to my 15 year old sister. it's really upsetting, because i used to hang out with her alot, but now i feel so uncomfortable being around her. because i obsess over am i feeling aroused atall near her.


Can anyone relate to all of this? I'm terrified i am just a pervert

 
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Old 08-19-2008, 05:32 PM   #2
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Re: fear of harming children /fear of wanting to harm children. can anyone relate?

Hey there

Do you ever ask yourself "What if I didnt tell the therapist this, I left the important part out, the bad part..." Theres always something we didnt tell or clarify or explain. It sounds like thats what you feel like. I can see that these thoughts really bother you. It's definately hard to just "relax". Its hard when we obsess because we can't convince ourselves that we aren't what we have in our minds. Let me know how you are doing, okay?

Be well

 
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Old 08-20-2008, 08:45 AM   #3
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Re: fear of harming children /fear of wanting to harm children. can anyone relate?

Hi pandora, feeling like or worrying that you didn't tell your therapist every single thing is actually just another way OCD likes to get at you. I used to do this a lot when I was in therapy. It provides temporary reassurance for the OCD sufferer, but then doubt always sets in as to one was being "truthful" enough because there MIGHT be something that really is going on that would mean it's not OCD.

Say hello to our ugly friend OCD, whose main components are fear, doubt and guilt.

I could tell you "well, if you liked the thoughts instead of being afraid of them, then maybe something would be wrong," but your OCD would freak out and say "what if I actually like the thoughts? what if I really am aroused??" OCD is so predictable and yet it scares the heck out of us every time.

I hope you are working with a qualified OCD therapist over there... I know it's hard to find some good OCD therapists but there are some. Proper therapy includes ERP and CBT for these types of thoughts. Hope you're doing well.

 
Old 08-20-2008, 05:28 PM   #4
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seekcalmness HB Userseekcalmness HB User
Re: fear of harming children /fear of wanting to harm children. can anyone relate?

It's funny-there are moments when I want to laugh at my OCD because it IS so predictable! Here's an interesting thing-sometimes when I read my thoughts written on paper it seems SO obvious that I am obsessive compulsive but my brain then says-no you're not! You're just neurotic, need to get your act together, blah blah blah. Anyways, with OCD there is always something NEW to worry about right?

 
Old 08-28-2008, 04:07 PM   #5
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Re: fear of harming children /fear of wanting to harm children. can anyone relate?

I have this exact same obsession. You're not a pervert, you just have OCD. I read an amazing book called THE IMP OF THE MIND that really helped. But my question to you and others is even knowing this is OCD, how to get rid of these thoughts during sex? It's difficult to both calm down, get rid of sexually taboo thoughts AND be sexually aroused all at the same time. But I think its possible. Right now I'm trying to not fight the taboo thoughts when they come up during sex, and hope eventually they lose their power. Any advice from anyone else?

 
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Old 08-29-2008, 02:11 AM   #6
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Re: fear of harming children /fear of wanting to harm children. can anyone relate?

hey, i have some good news, the thoughts regarding my sister have seemed to have gone. it's been about a week and i don't worry about it anymore, one day, i don';t know how, but something clicked in my mind telling me i didn't have to worry about it anymore, because it wasn't real.

I'm still getting the thoughts about children i see, but atleast i can be around my sister without feeling panicy anymore.

I'm working on the other thoughts.

meredith i have read imp of the mind, it's a great book. While reading it i laughed at one point because the characteristics of the examples of ocd sufferers are just like me, and their worry's are the exact same worry's i get.

but because ocd is so mean, I then try to think of reasons why i am different to these examples, and see how i am actually a bad person but it does helps for a while. I think i can one day banish the worry for good.

 
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