I feel like a horrible horrible person. Today I was at my parents house helping my mom with cleaning her home for family that is coming into town for Christmas. We were walking down the stairs together and for a moment out of nowhere I thought she is moving too slow and had an horrible thought of what if I pushed her down the stairs what would happen. I got lost in my thoughts almost like I was daydreaming and then realized what I had thought and felt so horrible and just disgusted with myself that I ever would let that cross my mind. I am positive I have ocd although I haven't been to a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis.
Was this an example of an ocd episode or something worse?
I can't quit thinking about it hours later it just came back into my thoughts that why did I ever even let that cross my mind. I just want to cry and I hate myself, I love my mother very much and why would I ever think of a horrible thing like this? I really hate myself right now I am so sad and scared of my thoughts.
I believe that is the compulsive side of what we suffer from. Do you get impatient ofter? I do, but for me, something kicks in at the last second and slaps me in the face. Alot of the time, when I'm not having those thoughts, I think of the consequences. Deep down I'm sure we don't want to hurt ourselves or anyone else. Take care.
I do get impatient at times. Do OCD sufferers have temper problems?
I have recently been to a therapist who told me I have mild OCD. I've felt this way for a long time though. I can't speak for anyone else but I have a problem with my temper. When I am very anxious I end up yelling or slamming objects. For me this is worse around that time of the month. I don't keep track so it always creeps up on me. Unfortunately, my kids witness my outbursts. My 11 year old comes up behind me, rubs my back and tells me to take deep breaths. As nice as that is, I should be able to control myself. I don't hurt anyone but at my worst I just want to jump out of my skin!
Your children can't get taken into care because of a parents ocd can they? I know I can be so hateful and short tempered at times then immediately feel like an idiot and hate myself.
I think I am avoiding therapy because of what the psychiatrist or therapist will say about me or do to me as far as committing me to inpatient therapy.I am the only wageearner for my home, my husband is disabled fighting social security and basically I can't afford it either.
I am so scared of my violent thoughts, they just pop into my head without warning. The frustration and temper also seems to be worse at that time of the month for me.
I just tell myself that I am not an evil person, I love my family and would never harm them and the ocd temporarily goes away when I convince myself that I am not going to do these evil things and harm someone I love.
Hamilton~you can be put on a med without counseling. The $ is an issue for me too (single parent w/2 kids). After 3 years of Celexa without really understanding myself, I've finally decided it was time to talk with someone. I'm not sure about your kids being taken away from you. I highly doubt that will happen, however, it is a valid concern. Maybe you could start a new thread about that question. Talk soon.
You shouldn't have no worries that's your typical ***** violent intrusive...I hate those ,they take a lot of my time and really put me in a depressive kind of mood.But it will go away .You won't be having the thought forever.Rather replace it with another thought with time or even come back to it.But it is possible to be awesome.I was all in OCD when my father died but somehow time passed and I got a lot better.When first year of highschool started there wasn't a sign of OCD.Only if I'm totally bored and have nothing to do.Now second grade is hard but I'm managing.The OCD is back but it is somehow easier to handle.Just blank your head and it will be better.Find some hobi
to focus on.Don't let it take over.