Manix

Hello
I'm 22 years old and since this summer i've got a relationship with a women thats 12 year older than me, and that was allready a close friend for almost 3 years. The relationship wasn't really planned, but it felt pretty good, since i was getting a bit -sort of- lonely.
I was and am attracted to my girldfriend (she's the sweetest person you'll ever met), but if you would ask me to describe 'my perfect woman', i would describe some other kind of 'body', although my girlfriend is a very pretty woman and i can sometimes look at here and think 'god, she's pretty'. but i also think comments on her body sometimes.

The case is i had OCD a couple of years ago and now it came back, in the form of -i think- relationship-ocd -thinking i should go for someone that's more my type (allthough our relation is perfect, and she's very pretty)

I also always had the plan -i slept with her for the first time- that if i wasn't a virgin anymore, i would go out and sleep with hunderds of women, so to speak. But i can't do that, because then i would loose her. before i was together with my girlfriend, I became sort of crazy that i couldn't go 'further' with women, and still was a virgin at my age, because of the fact that i was scared to have sex with them, because it would be my first time. So everytime i had the 'chance to have sex', i would go around it... Now I'm scared of the thought that i will only have had sex with 1 girl in my life (like wishing i would have gone into a relationship with this 'perfect woman' later in life and first 'sleep around'), allthough it isn't that of a big deal, if i think about it with a clear head. it's some sort of 'focussed obsession'. I just think i have to change my point of view. Sex isn't everything.
But now it's like i'm obbessed by sex, wishing to have sex with other women, now that i'm confident of myself between the sheets.

Also my girlfriend has got SAD in this time of year (winter), Seasonal affective disorder, ***** isn't handy, because she's down most of the time and doesn't look that 'good' (tired and lifeless etc) - allthough she's a pretty 'bubbly' person when not affected by the SAD...
Whenever i see a woman that i'm attracted to, i think i will be happier with her, sex/body-wise and maybe because she's 'bubblier'.... Also whenever i look at another woman and thinking that, it feels like cheating on my girlfriend - what i'm absolutly against of doing
Also, she has a dog, and i hate hairs... Part of my life-long 'build in OCD' is that i'm very clean and tidy on everything. the thought of doghairs on my computer for example doesn't give me a good feeling.

also the ocd gets an extra boost with the fact that my girlfriend is a lot older, and i think i will not 'enjoy' here that long, that i will loose part of my young life

last week i visited my psych again, and got back on meds. floxyfral/100mg (what i'm now taking for 10days)

i hope i find peace

any thoughts here?


sorry about my poor english/structure of writing