cuts84

Yeah, I can definately relate to what you are saying. I'm 24 and have had OCD pretty much for as long as I can remember. It really just started with compulsions and I didn't recognize what it was. Then I started worrying alot about diseases, especially HIV/AIDS. I would worry about getting it in bizzare ways, such as just scratching myself on something sharp. I don't really worry about HIV much anymore, but rather a multitude of other diseases, especially cancer. For example, I found a little bump in my neck about 3 years ago and I freaked out thinking I had some type of cancer. I went to the doctor and they didn't really seem to think it was anything to worry about...probably just a natural bump in my lymphnodes. However, every once in a while I will start worrying about it again and keep feeling the bump to see if it is any bigger. It never is, but sometimes my imagination will get the best of me. I also do alot of counting rituals. For example, when I am feeling the bump on my neck, I usually always have to touch it 10 times. I don't know why, but I get a lot of anxiety if I touch it less than 10 times. For some reason, I have decided that 10 is the magic number that I need to determine if the bump has grown. It seems really crazy when I actually sit down and type this out! But anyway, I try to do some "exposure with response prevention" stuff that my psychologist recommended. For example, I will touch the bump on my neck 9 times, but then refuse to touch it the 10th time. It will drive me crazy at first, but eventually it will subside and I will feel better. Lately, I haven't really been worried about diseases...that obsession has been replaced with the fear of going to prison. I watched some documentaries on prison and read some stuff about it online recently, and it has got me worried that it could happen to me. I keep trying to think of something in my past that could cause me to go to prison. I obsess over things that happened years ago and wonder if it was somehow illegal and I could get arrested for it. Don't get me wrong, I have never really been in any legal trouble my whole life other than some minor citations, but as I'm sure you know, OCD is not very rational. I imagine myself being in prison and all the horrible things that could happen to me. However, the last few days have been better and, hopefully, I can get over this silly fear soon. Anyways, I would definately not be afraid of getting on medicine if I was you. I take Zoloft and it has helped me alot. Don't think of it as the medicine controlling you...just think of it as the medicine evening out your brain chemistry to normal levels so that you can better control yourself.