Hello. I am new to Health Boards. My name is Meagan and I am 16 years old. I love helping people and like to spend time with my family. I am basically what you call an all around average girl. However, last year I had a bit of a mental breakdown.
One night it just suddenly came on that I started thinking morbid thoughts about my own Mother. I love my Mom so much that this startled me and scared me very badly. I had thoughts of killing her by either stabbing, poisoning, etc. All of these thoughts seem to be directed at her and for the past couple of months that it started last year, I was in a very down mood. I always just felt hopeless and scared, thinking that I was some crazy, terrible person for thinking these things and that I would just suddenly break lose and really hurt my Mom or someone else. I do however talk to my Mom all about these things, every little thought I have ever had she knows about, even the ones that were about me hurting her. She is a wonderful Mom though and accepts them. She says she knows I am a good girl though and wouldn't do those things.
This soon erupted into other thoughts like hurting my dog(I love animals with all my heart), started thinking of being a cannibal, getting angry/agitated, becoming a murderer, etc. It was just these very crazy, off the wall thoughts but they did scare me badly.
I went to a psychologist for a while but stopped because I was feeling better, but I still go to my psychiatrist. She really does help me a lot and she has mentioned that I do have an obsession with my thoughts, considering that I do have OCD and an anxiety problem. I now take 50 mg of Zoloft to help with my anxiety problems and obsession.
I have been feeling much better than what I did last year but I still have those times where I am feeling down or sad, and that is when the thoughts start again about my Mother. I have heard that OCD makes you think bad thoughts about the ones you love the most to just make it more painful for you. Does anyone know why that is?
Also, sorry for the long rant but do you believe that I have OCD? Is it normal for a teenager to be sad or have a down moods like I do or is just depression? Also, does having these thoughts make me a bad person? Everyone always tells me no, but I always have a hard time telling myself that I am not the thoughts I have.
Any advice would be great about how to keep bad thoughts out of head, to keep happy, etc.
Thank you very much for reading all of this! Please answer if you can. Take care!