Join Date: Feb 2007
Anxiety With "What If's" Now it's About Cancer
sorry for epic novel.. but, i could really use some help. please take the time to read it all. thanks!
hi everyone. it has been quite awhile since i have been on this forum. since the last time, i have lost my mother but i have been doing quite well. i had pretty much let go of my other fears from the past and had moved on to living my life fairly normal. anyway, i will cut to the point. i feel like i have a Pure O type of OCD. here is my problem this time. i had went to the ER about 2 weeks ago with stomach problems. got a CT scan done which showed pretty much normal findings. a couple of hernias, diverticulosis.. no big deal. ER doc never even mentioned the findings, just told me results were normal. but, of course with me, i just had to see the results. anyway, got the final report back, pretty much the same, but then i started to read online about cancer. well, i wanted to speak with the radiologist about my CT scan, so I did. I also had a dear friend with me at the time so she could hear and see everything too in order for my OCD to not run rampant and she could be my backup if i had any doubts. the radiologist pretty much said the same thing, scan looked pretty good.. did show me the hernias, the diverticulosis which was a real mild case and also told me I had a weak psoas muscle and i needed to strengthen it. he even told me that if i wanted a colonoscopy that insurance wouldnt pay for it, because i didnt meet the criteria for it.made a joke about faking symptoms to get one done.. anyway, no big deal. he told me everyone had diveriticulosis in some form, even explained how they detect abnormalities from normal findings.... anyway... here is the part that has me scared and i know this is all bull ****... but just the thoughts scare me. after we were about done with everything.. he got started talking about cancer... he pointed at the very bottom of my scan and said, "You could have cancer cells here, then he went to the top of the scan, i mean on the outer boundaries of the scan and said, "You could have cancer cells here"..."he also then said, "You could even have them in your elbow too, that is life" and my friend said "and that is everybody" at the time I wasn't really that scared. I mean the radiologist had already went thru my scan for 30 minutes and said everything was pretty much normal, just the hernia and diverticulosis... we got ready to leave and I told him if he was telling me the scan was good, then I was ok. with it and would not pursue anything else, just follow a high fiber diet, exercise and lose weight. he said yeah. i told him i was going to cancel my appointment with he GI doc and he said ok, but follow the high fiber diet and exercise, lose weight. He stressed for me to exercise my abdominal muscles again. I told him again, if he was telling me the scan was ok , then I was ok with it. He smiled, I thanked him and we left. I was so relieved, so happy!
But then later on, i could feel my mind starting to search for anything that was said, so that I could find doubt with something. well, the doubts started coming on about him talking about that "You could have cancer cells, here, and here, even in your elbow, that is life" so, I called my friend back, and asked her about it.. she seemed to be upset that i would even entertain the fears of this ****... she told me over and over that he wasnt talking about me in particular, he was speaking about anybody in general terms... I think she kind of got mad at me for acting so silly. anyway, I got online and researched CT scans.. Cancer cells are NOT even visible on a CT scan.... CT scans only show structures of the body and if there are tumors. so that should knock off my fears... also common sense would tell you that if the radiologist would have seen anything he would have sent me for more testing. and also, the scan was read 3 times, I have 2 written results in hand that tells the findings.. The ER doctor saw no big problems.. my friend told me the same thing...Anyway, can someone help me out with this one.. why is it that i always have to listen to every little detail and wonder "what if?" Anyway, I was on here last year about my fear of HIV tests and a test that had a pink background instead of turning white... which meant absolutely nothing, the negative result was still there and easily seen. I finally got over all of that ****..and had gotten back to a normal life.. i know some of you have to remember me and i really appreciated the help you all gave me then, it worked wonders for me! you were the best and i will always remember the help you gave me! if anyone here can help me, i would be greatly appreciative if you can tell me how to deal with this. Some days, i am fine and go on just ok, then other days, the worry is back. It is like i am riding the fence, or borderline on this one..i mean good and ok sometimes, but worry about it too sometimes. thanks a lot!
Last edited by tnman; 09-05-2009 at 09:35 AM.