False Memory I think, please read
So I am currently dealing again with POCD and it is aweful. I was doing great the last couple of years with out these thoughts, and then like clock work after the birth of are second girl they came back, due to ocd and post partum depression.
Anyway seems like my ocd likes to go through phases, so like it started with the terrible thoughts, which were really ruff. Now it is progressing into the what if stuff, like what if you like those thoughts, what if you act on them and the newest one what if you did act on them. My mind is telling me that I might have done something , when deep down. I am constantly monitoring myself and what I am doing when I am with my kids, I cant hardly change diapers or dress my girls. When I hold my baby I am always aware of where my hands are at all times. And making sure I dont hold her in certian ways. Which are ways most everyone I know holds her. But I think it would cause me more doubt. I am so mentally tired and just want to be present in my life and enjoy all the joys I have.
Please anyone who understands or is going throught the same thing please respond. I am heart is hurting.