So I am currently dealing again with POCD and it is aweful. I was doing great the last couple of years with out these thoughts, and then like clock work after the birth of are second girl they came back, due to ocd and post partum depression.
Anyway seems like my ocd likes to go through phases, so like it started with the terrible thoughts, which were really ruff. Now it is progressing into the what if stuff, like what if you like those thoughts, what if you act on them and the newest one what if you did act on them. My mind is telling me that I might have done something , when deep down. I am constantly monitoring myself and what I am doing when I am with my kids, I cant hardly change diapers or dress my girls. When I hold my baby I am always aware of where my hands are at all times. And making sure I dont hold her in certian ways. Which are ways most everyone I know holds her. But I think it would cause me more doubt. I am so mentally tired and just want to be present in my life and enjoy all the joys I have.
Please anyone who understands or is going throught the same thing please respond. I am heart is hurting.
I don't really post here, but I felt compelled to say something when I read the reply you just got. Jumping to anti-anxiety meds is no solution. They can become addictive and wind up causing you way more problems that you started with. The fact that they are heavily prescribed really doesn't mean they are the solution!
Your problem is very classic OCD... look up "Stuck in a doorway" OCD forum (I can't post a link in here) and you'll find lots of people dealing with very similar thoughts. The best way to deal with these thoughts is being aware that they are created by your OCD (and NOT you) and simply accepting that they are there and not trying to push them away. Just let them be until they pass on their own, like a leaf floating by in a stream. Easier said than done, I know, but that's where you need to start. To relax in the meantime, try mindful breathing and meditation. I also highly suggest therapy with an OCD specialist if at all possible. Also, read the book "Coping with OCD" by Bruce Hyman. A really helpful book that addresses the exact thoughts you're experiencing. Good luck!
This is so typical for OCD.
Be at peace and remind yourself: This too will pass again. It is just a thought. Soon it will be past. That's the way it is with obsessive thoughts. They seem so important, and then later we look back and wonder why we worried (usually because we have found something new to worry about? )
Be at peace ok? It is SO unlikely that you did something like you think you may have done. Probably way more unlikely than for somebody else who doesn't even think about remembering something like that.
I can totally relate! I gave birth to twins 4 months ago and have been devastated by my obssessive thoughts, so you are not alone! I have begun reading books on how to overcome OCD and have also started Prozac, which is really helping! Hang in there! We are going to get through this for our babies, but mostly for ourselves!