That's great news that you found something that worked!!! You're def right that we all find diff ways to deal with this. You're right about being very blessed, i've actually asked my bf how he can deal with me being all over the map and he just says because he loves me. I truly feel that is a huge blessing, and i'm glad you have the same thing in your life. Good for you! I hope you have a great day, and keep using that new tool
Hey girl, about your thread about not knowing whether you really have rocd, it really sounds to me that you proabably do. actually exactly how you are talking is how i feel, and it is so reassuring to hear someone else going through this. someone else replied to you and said that the infatuation and constant sparks that we long for is just the initial lust- i really think that's so true and important. You hear people all the time saying that marriage is hard work- and that's because real life is different from the first few months of a relationship. All the things you said about your bf are amazing, and it sounds like he is a great guy. These posts and stuff are so helpful, so hopefully we can stay in touch through this page . I hope that by realizing that you are anxious about your relationshop and obssessing about it you can get some more peace- by realizing that it's your brain going rowdy, and not really a true problem.
At the end of the day i am convinced that even if you have thoughts as we do throughout the day, if at the end of the night you are happy to lay in his arms, it's safe to say you are in the right place (of course this doesn't have to be the exact kind of moment... just any time when the racing, doubtful thoughts go away ).
Let's just try to remember that love is not easy, and that's why people that have been married for many years always say it's a lot of work.
I hope you reply and we can chat some more, and i hope you've been doing good lately, enjoying the great man you have, and the moment. Good luck, talk to you soon i hope
I am new to this site and just read this and its the most beautiful thing i have ever read! I am ocd and rocd as well and have had it for 2 years now... I wake up everyday with this battle and all your kind words have really helped me tonight... Its always nice to here the positive in someone else that has the same problem as you. Thanks for all your kind words...Love Lisa
Hey babe! Hope you are doing well, sorry it has been a while since I have been around. Something really awesome happened to me today and I thought you would like to hear about it. So I started my day with my boyfriend making some off-hand comment about some girl that he had seen that was "pretty hot." When I made a face he said, "Oh come on! You need to be more secure than that!" So of course my mind started racing: thinking about how he could possibly not want to be with me anymore at some point, thinking about all of the reasons that we shouldn't be together, etc. Then, later in the day I started obsessing about reasons that I may not want to be in the relationship. At some point it occurred to me that the fact that I am obsessing about both of us just goes to show that these thoughts are ridiculous and un-grounded. I don't know if that makes sense but it seems that if I am worried about such a plethora of things it just goes to show that my brain is trying to find a reason to doubt, worry, and be anxious. So as crazy as it sounds, all of that worrying actually made me feel better. Really hit it home that I just need to reel these thoughts in and recognize them for what they are. Of course I realize that this is hard to do in the moment, but like anything else it does get easier with practice. I heard on these sites before that when you start having thoughts, instead of trying to push them out of your mind you should take a moment and say to yourself: I know these thoughts are not grounded in reality, and I know that this is not the way I feel. By facing the thoughts head-on you are taking away their power. By not being scared of them you are seriously lessening the effect they have on you. Seriously this technique works, but it does take a while for it to sink in. So the next time that you feel spiked, don't run from the thoughts. Face them head-on and say to them, "I know you're not real. I know I don't need to even give you the time of day. Go ahead and hang out in my mind if you want but you are not going to affect me." After a few weeks of telling them this, they really do start to have less of a hold on you.
ROCD is exactly what I have. I've been suffering for 8 months, on anti-depressants and I am close to give up the battle.
Does anyone know how to find a pscyologist out there who actually believes in ROCD???? I've tried 4 and none of them have helped, they all made me feel that I should break up with my fantastic partner.
I was starting to feel more stable for awhile, but the anxiety has kicked in again, along with suicidal thoughts.
Please guys, I need help on how to find professional help that believes in this
Gosh, I have so many thoughts as I read these posts, I don't know where to begin. I have OCD and have ever since I can remember. Tonight is the first time I have ever heard of ROCD and I totally can relate to the worries of 'do I really love him?' and 'are we meant-to-be?" I felt like that a lot with my ex-husband. He was a really great, nice, sweet guy. But those 'sparks' were never really there. I eventually came to realize, way too late, that I was trying to make the relationship into something it wasn't. Yes I loved him very much and I still do, honestly, but I feel like over the 11 years we were together, two of them married, there were only a few times I felt that 'head-over-heals' feeling. I wanted it to be something more and it just never was. Looking back, I knew it wasn't right, but I wanted it to be right and for him to be 'the one' so badly, but it just wasn't the case.
I pulled farther and farther away from him when I finally admitted that I had been trying to create something that just wasn't there, and shortly after, we divorced. And he really truly loved me too, but the 'chemistry' wasn't there. It was really sad.
Fortunately, I met another man who I am marrying next month and he is my dream prince! We have known each other for almost 3 years, and knew about two and a half years ago that we were made for each other in every way possible. Now of course, there are things about him that irritate me, but despite that, I love him so very dearly. I do, however, find myself telling myself "I can't live like this" when he lets the trash pile up and that's a pretty extreme response for not doing a chore. (Never mind how the trash affects my germphobic need for neatness... which he's helped me with a lot! Exposure therapy! hahaah) Anyway, I guess now I'm wondering if I do have ROCD. I need to learn more about it.
So through all my rambling, the main thing I wanted to say, and not to belittle rocd by ANY MEANS, sometimes you should trust your gut. Fairytale romances DO exhist! I know because I have one! We've been falling in love over and over for 2 plus years now! So have hope that there IS true love in this world, and don't just stay because you think it's rocd, if you're not happy, go! I guess I kind of agree with the therapists that are saying it sounds like you're not happy. I'm not saying that there aren't obsessive thoughts involved, and fear of being alone is no picnic either, but it's something to consider 'cause that's not a good reason to stay in a relationship. Also, don't discount that there are LOTS of ways to put spark back into your relationship too! I bet you could find TONS of suggestions for that online or in any chick magazine, but looking into eachother's eyes, really looking into eachother's eyes and just taking 5 minutes at least for each other a day can work wonders! And KEEP KISSING!! I read somewhere some study about couples who kiss more are happier and have more lasting relationships.... or something along those lines!
Hang in there! Keep looking for a good counselor, there's gotta be someone who can help you!! Jesus always helps me! Give it all to God! Just keep yourself safe and surrounded with people that love you!! There is hope! There are tools!! Try Brain Lock by Jeffrey M. Schwartz. It's for OCD and it gives you the tools you need to over come it! God's speed! Many blessings!
I don't think releying on my gut instinct is necessarily the right idea, when you're so stuck in depression, anxiety and negative thoughts I think your body and mind can trick you.
I'm glad you managed to find your fairytale romance, but who's to say that I wouldn't meet another guy, 'fall in love' get married, have kids and then after a few years fall back in to the same trap. I could lose my current man and regret it forever. He is worth fighting for, I'm going to ignore my mind and instinct for now, they can be evil things.
The following user gives a hug of support to Stuckinmymind: sarcaz87 (11-17-2011)
Hi there! I'm new to these forums. I just found out today about this relationship OCD and since I identified with so many who posted their experiences, I thought I'd talk about my own for a bit to see if you guys think it's what I have. I've been in my relationship for five months and I think I've always had looming doubts, but they got a lot worse three months in.
My first constant worry was that we had no chemistry. Everyone describes their kissing experiences with significant others as groundbreaking, weak-in-the-knees affairs, and it's NEVER been like that for me. I love kissing him, but then with all of this crap I read, I got in my head that we had no chemistry. So when we'd be kissing and I would be feel tingles or sparks or whatever, I'd be like, "Oh my god, we have chemistry! Yay! Now I need to keep feeling like this for it to be real chemistry, right? Right???" And then the feeling would go away. This obviously turned cyclical. I became paranoid that I was in a passionless relationship.
Then I began worrying about if he was the "right one" for me. I'd disregard ALL the MANY qualities that make him the "right one" for me and focus on what was wrong with him: he's not the greatest conversation-starter. We can talk and talk for hours, but it's always me who starts it and I kept thinking, "If he were the right one for me, he'd be able to strike up an interesting conversation, right??" Same with humor. And the thing is - he IS funny. We DO talk a lot, about many many things. But not every moment is rigged with a punch line or meaningful conversation, which threw me off.
I kept trying to get that "you just know" feeling with him. "You just know you love him." "You just know he's the one." Etc. And yes there are definitely times when I feel this immense amount of love for him, or when I feel he's the one, but it's not this constant thing. So I'll doubt what I feel -- I'll fear I don't truly love him, that I don't truly want to be with him, and I'll feel fake for being with him or for saying I love him.
The worst part is when the thoughts get so bad that I look them up online and every relationship site tells me having so many doubts means the relationship is broken. Because I do NOT want to break up with him. I may even entertain the idea in my mind, but when I think I'll actually do it, I begin crying really hard. And then I wonder if it's just me being a coward in the face of a failed relationship. If there's any chance at all this relationship is as wonderful as I want to believe it is, if all my worries are for nothing.
Then, like magic, I have a day or two of clarity where I feel with all my heart that this is the right relationship, that I love him, that he's the one.
Then everything starts back up again.
I think what triggered the really bad case of ROCD, if that's what I had, was that in our three month celebration he told he hoped it was the first three of many months together--infinite months together, preferably. I was like, "How can he be so sure of this when I can't be???" To make matters worse, this is my first relationship. My first everything. So I was worried my lack of experience would get in the way.
But when I sit down like this and I really think about it, I get flooded with this intense sense of peace inside because I know he's it. He's my best friend. He's the guy I feel so comfortable with, emotionally, spiritually, physically. We have a mental bond, a physical one, and emotional one. I haven't trusted anyone like I trust him in so long. In almost every way, he's perfect for me. I'm not just saying that.
And despite posting all of this, I'll bet any of you good money that tomorrow I'll wake up with all my doubts and the anxiety it brings me. The same anxiety that makes me wake up in the middle of the night, in the middle of an attack, because I don't know how to fix this.
Could this be ROCD? Sorry for making this so long, but I could really use someone who understands. No one else in my life gets it.
Hi, Dont you think you have seen my recent post so thought I would just cut and past my post as a reply to yours. I totally sympathise with what you are going through. I just cant get out of this negative pattern of thinking bad things about my husband of 16 years. Its just crazy, and its making me so ill.
I am new to this board and have ready with absolute relief and happiness that there is such a condition called Relationship OCD. If someone out there could read my story and please help me I would be forever in your debt.
Thank you so much to Cozimafighta whose post and threads I have just read and literally sobbed my heart out because I am just about ready to kill myself because of the disgusting, horrendous, hurtful, feelings I am having about my husband.
Every single thing that has been said is precisely what I am going through and unbelievably have been for years and had no idea what caused it.
It all started when I was about 16 and was going out with my boyfriend. One day I woke up and just had these strong feelings that I didnt love him any more. They were so strong and made me really ill and I remember going home and breaking down in tears to my mum and telling her how I felt and how upset I was about it and didnt know why I was feeling like this but had to break up with him. At the time it was short lived and only lasted about a week and we ended up back together, getting married and spent about 12 years together. The same intrusive thoughts did occur once or twice during our marriage but at the time I must have handled it much better as again they were short lived. We did eventually break up but it had nothing to do what so ever with intrusive thoughts like I am having now.
I met my current husband 16 years ago and as I am writing this I am having real trouble believing the Relationship OCD exists because I am in such a state over it and am convinced that my feelings are true. About 7 years ago I literally woke up one morning and had this overwhelming feeling of panic and anxiety and it was all centred around my husband. I felt I didnt love him anymore, didnt find him attractive and completely fell apart. It was the most upsetting hiddious thing for me to think about the person I loved so much. To have to tell the person you love so dearly that you think you dont love them anymore was heartbreaking for me and for him. I kept telling him I dont know why Im having these thoughts but that I knew they wasnt true and I truely didnt want us to split up. He did find it very hard at the time. I had to take a month of work and was on antidepressents for about a year. For a long time I felt as though there was a pot inside me with a lid that kept on threatening to blow any minute but was just about stopping it from exploding with all the unwanted feelings again. Eventually I felt well enough to come off the antidepressents and for a long time had to supress the feelings from coming to the top again but managed to do it successfully and carry on with a happy fulfilling life with my hubby. The feelings disappeared probably for a about 2 years although I never let a day go by without thinking about it or thinking that it could come back any minute. I thought if I thought about it all the time then this would stop the shock being so bad if and when it happened again. And happen again it has.
My happiness and relief of finding this web site about Relationship OCD was short lived (why did I think that just because I can put a tag on this evil disease that it would go away!!) I am sat here with the most terrifying waves of panic and anxiety that just wash over me and makes my body burn so much because I dont think I love my husband any more. Just typing these words fills me with fear and dread like Ive just admitted to myself that it is true when I know deep down it isnt. I was so happy just a matter of weeks ago, looking forward to a nice break at Easter and then followed by a two week holiday in the sun.
It all started about 6 weeks ago. The company my husband works for wasnt doing very well and he was told that he would either be layed off or he could go and work in Gatwick (which is about a 6 hour drive one way from where we live). This meant he would be away from home Monday to Friday only coming home at weekends. I was devasted. The morning he left I sobbed in his arms and couldnt bear it. It was only supposed to be for 3 or 4 weeks but it turned out to be 11 in total. I nearly fell apart during the first couple of weeks and found it very difficult to cope without him. Every Sunday when it was time for him to go I would start getting upset and understandably my husband was a bit annoyed and said I had to be strong because otherwise it would make him upset. I eventually got used to it but hated the fact that I was being forced to live, what was in effect a single life from Monday to Friday. We both got excited when Friday came around and I would fling myself at him when he walked through the door I was that happy to see him. When he eventually came home after 11 weeks I remember him being very quiet because it meant him going back to his original place of work which he wasnt very happy about and he was constantly on his phone playing games or talking to his friends and I felt really put out that he wasnt all over me and how easy we just fell back into a routine and BAM it hit me. Oh I mustnt love him any more if thats the case. I did manage to keep them feelings at bay for a while but then one morning about 2 weeks later I got up one morning and felt extremely exhausted, literally like the life had been sucked out of me. I struggled getting up at 6.00am to do a full days work but dragged myself in anyway. Everyday I would come home and just have to go and lie on the bed because I felt so exhausted. At this point I wasnt really having any unwanted thoughts maybe just feeling agitated and like I needed to be on my own. I thought maybe I had a virus of some sort.
Anway the feelings of exhaustion just went on and on for weeks and every morning I would wake up, go downstairs to make my breakfast and by this time I realised that I felt no better than the day before so I started worrying about it and getting anxious and stressed and then the feelings of tightness came into my chest like someone was sitting on me but I carried on and I carried on. At the same time I had a tooth infection and was taking antibiotics for that and I noticed after a few days of taking them that I started feeling really down and it just kind of spirraled from there. The unwanted thoughts started trying to creep into my head so I panicked even more, worried even more, stressed even more, my chest felt tighter until one week ago I could take it no more and broke down in floods of tears
I told my husband how I was feeling but omitted to tell him about the feelings I had for him because I didnt want to upset him again.
I cannot tell you how ill I am. I couldnt go in work for the last week and am back on antidepressents which are making me feel a hundred times worse. My exhaustion has got worse, I cant sleep and when I do if I wake up in the night the first thing that pops in my head is how I feel about my husband and the overwhelming feelings engulf me and I just want to die. I cant eat and am losing weight which I cannot afford to do because I am only skinny in the first place. I dont think the antidepressents are doing me any favours (Citalopram - 20mg) as they make me feel agitated, restless, scared they are just awful.
I am actually always being told that I have OCD for various reasons but would just like to say (and it nearly kills me to admit it) that I have actually had unwanted thoughts about not loving my children, or not loving them enough and wishing I had never had them. I have also become obsessed with my new grandson who is now 8 months old. I am convinced that no one can look after him better than me (not even his own mum) and I cant bear to hear him cry. Myself and my husband look after him a lot and he stays the night every other weekend and I barely let my husband get a look in. I actually now get upset when I think about him, its so irrational. His mother looks after him fine and I have no reason to think like this. I nearly had to take the pictures down of my desk at work because I couldnt bear looking at him because it upset me so much.
Please please could someone post here and tell me how they coped with their Relationship OCD and what, if any, medication helped them. Also do I need to see a psychiatrist specialising in Relationship OCD?
I belive I have relationship OCD too...... I cry everyday b/c Iam scared to lose my boyfriend. I am deeply in love with this guy but everything when my mom told him to move out. I still know I love him deeply but it feels like I dont dut to my Anxiety, Anxiety and depression runs deep in both side in my family I belive... :'''( I cry every single day it hurt alot.
1.You don't really love him!
2.Your just using him!
3.It makes me think I have a crush on people I don't even know or make me feel like I still have feelings for my ex (I really don't he's just my bestFriend)
4.I get scared when I think this will be the last time I see him
5.I am afraid it's denial
6.I feel scared to be near him sometimes...
I really do love him we've been together 10 months going on 11 on the 7th..I'm scared I am gonna loss him I cry everyday dur to this. I've had anxiety and depression about school, death and that i might go to hell when I die.... I been fighting the anxiety about my realtion for a whole month now. My boyfriend has been there every step of the way and I belive he's my soulmate b/c me and him are wonderful together.
But please someone help me please tell me this aint denial please please :'''''(
The people that I live with (my family) Think I don't have it...... I am scared I really ain't in love with him anymore... I wanna be with him...........But something won't let me.... I hate my head!!!!!