Re: Relationship OCD ruining my life
Hi Wayne, well my heart goes out to you if you are still feeling like this (not sure when you posted it the dates look all out to me on my laptop !!)
I hope you are feeling better now but if not I hope this helps...
you sound like a very sensitive and lovely person but stuck in a destructive cycle where you find it hard to believe that anyone 'could' love you. you sound as if you believe you are doing people a favour by breaking up with them as you arent 'worthy' anyway,
firstly let me just say this. I, too, have had a cycle similar. Often relationships with good people but whom I broke up with for whatever reason I justified to myself at the time, I felt like breaking up with them was inevitable and so I would do it 'sooner rather than later' I also felt that when I hurt them I was almost 'validating my own worth' by seeing the hurt on their faces. I did feel guilty but relief aswell that I had saved myself from another rollercoaster set of emotions that relationships would bring. I thought relationships would always end so I may aswell get in their first, it wasnt malicious just scared of being left myself. When they moved on with other people I felt crushed and hurt and jealous, and so I moved from person to person quickly so I never had to be alone.
Does any of this sound familiar?
remember that you have chosen to break up with these people, they have been with you because they have wanted to. As women we are often more than happy to be with men who have issues as long as they arent abusing us because of them and as long as you are trying to get help. Us women actually love a sensitive man who lets us in.
Whose to say your ex isnt still pining for you? I think seeing a relationship counselor is a great idea and talking to family and mates (explain that you arent asking for pity just to be heard)
No one deserves heartbreak it can feel like the most lonely place, but you are reaching out to people and thats so good that you can do that.
I hope you start to feel better and things work out with or without your girlfriend.
PS I know it sounds a bit girlie but writing a diary can really help, also exercise will give you a real boost mentally and physically, do something you enjoy once a week, something you can look forward to, and try and tell yourself that you ARE a good kind person who deserves love and happiness...