It has been a while since someone posted on this Thread, but I noticed it was one of the most recent on the subject. And I wanted to quick say, I Hope you looked around and posted elsewhere to find what you need. And if Not, I hope I can offer some insight. There are some older threads on this subject in this forum (i.e. Picking, Pulling, OCD & Trich), maybe from 2003 that I found to be very inspiring. Inspiring enough to post back
I've been a picker for as long as I can remember, and I'm an intelligent girl so I don't know why it never dawned on me that it's part of OCD. I'm not very severe. I've just recognized several things I do at home and at work that are very quintessential OCD and it never dawned on me that so is picking?
The worst part I've noticed about picking is that you may start off the picking session subconsciously. You don't even notice that your fingers are roaming over your face looking for imperfections (Or legs, feet, back, stomach, chest... I used to be only face and it spiraled out of control. After I shave, if I missed a hair I tweeze and then I search for more... I pick at my feet, and my sides, my butt... any little bump, if I'm stressed, it's gotta go!). And maybe you're not even that far into destroying scabs & pimples, but all of a sudden you pop one, or scratch one and it bleeds just a little and you feel so GUILTY that you started picking in the first place and didn't even notice. So you start to berate yourself for being ugly, for having all these scabs & blemishes. You convince yourself it can't get worse so you pick the rest off rationalizing that it'll be smoother, makeup will look better w/o the scabs & pimples. But it takes forever to get the makeup to lie right on top of an open wound. Then it'll heal over with some makeup caked in it, which you pick off later... A vicious cycle.
Some of this is me, some of this is mixed, I've heard so much over the past few days of research. I can't tell you how many people feel the same way. Ugly, disgusting, weak... Well it's time to stop. You are in control and only you can make the decision to stop, or get help stopping. If you can't do it on your own, It's OK. I promise - it's ok. I've heard so many people who tell me they see a therapist but never bring this up. Really?! One of the biggest reasons you feel ugly and poorly about yourself? They're there for you, they want you to feel good and get better. Let them know, tell them everything you possibly can, even if you're not sure it's a problem. You can't get better until you let it all go.
This very day - I have vowed to stop. Accidents happen, and when they do I will NOT feel ugly or ashamed. I will get back up and continue to fight the good fight. It's so cheesy but it's what I need. And hopefully this is my first step towards treatment, I know there's no cure, I know I'll battle with it on and off my whole life, and I'm prepared for it. If I can manage now, I can avoid stronger measures (which I can explain later if you are in need of something more than an esteem boost & force of will). I'm a busy gal. Which I find helps the Most! When I'm so busy I can barely sleep? I notice my face healing more. So I'll stay busy and I'll carry some gloves with me for the really anxious moments and push through. I will NOT let this beat me. I have managed to push negative people out of my life, if I don't let them get to me anymore, why do I let me get to me! How Dare I!? lol...
For future reference, there are definitely more strong measures that can be had. But it all starts with talking to a doctor or therapist. There are behavioral therapies and medications that can potentially help, as usual, results differ. You have to talk and discuss things with your doctor to figure out what's best for you. I manage with out a therapist because I don't have time really and my biggest issue is managed by medication. But I can promise you that if this does not work, if I can't stop picking? I will go see a therapist because this can be debilitating. The feeling of destroying ones skin, making yourself bleed maybe good at the moment, stress relief (kind of like a mild form of cutting), but afterwards, you're ashamed and depressed. And I can't handle that, I'm a happy person and I want to be ultimately happy with myself and the decisions I've made in life. I want to feel good about myself. And right now, I don't. Looking in the mirror naked, all I see are my flaws that I caused myself. But tonight, I know if I can make it all day w/o picking, I'll look and they will still be there but it will be better because I will know I made it all day and didn't scratch at them and I'm trying. I'm conscious of the issue now. Carpe Diem as they say ;-)
Everybody out there is beautiful. YOU!... yes you, YOU... are beautiful. Not enough people hear that. And not enough people say it. I hope you found what you needed. And I hope everyone out there beats the demons in their closet. Life is too beautiful to sit locked up at home feeling poorly about yourself. Kick those demons out and Enjoy Life.
The posters that helped me may not see this, but just in case you posted between 2003 & 2004 about this. Thanks
Ya'll are my heroes.