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Old 05-17-2010, 12:02 AM   #1
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Should I tell/do I have to tell my boyfriend about ROCD?

I'm feeling fine now about the ROCD but...

I tried not to ever tell him because a. 90% of the time when he was around I didn't have those thoughts and b. in my more rational moments I definitely didn't want to hurt him because I do love him and I figure saying that sometimes I'm not sure if I love him enough and that I think about breaking up a lot might not feel so good on his end. And I tried not to talk about "big" things unless we were in person, and it went away then.

I feel like right now there isn't much real benefit to telling him and wanting to tell him might just be some compulsion or something.

But maybe I should? Do other people tell their partners about their ROCD? I guess I was just able to control it... it definitely wasn't mild but I never actually told him any of the thoughts I was thinking or actually broke up or anything.

I mean I guess maybe it will help him understand why I point out every little thing he does "wrong" and sometimes do weird things to test what he will do to see if he is right for me. But I've been trying pretty hard not to do that stuff and I haven't done it in like a month so maybe he doesn't care anymore.

Does that mean the relationship isn't very strong if I can't be honest about these types of things?

See that is an ROCD thought and I don't care about it anymore. I'm tired of it.

 
Old 05-17-2010, 01:27 AM   #2
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Re: Should I tell/do I have to tell my boyfriend about ROCD?

I know it's difficult to be open about these kind of things with someone you've taken an interest in for fear of creating misunderstanding or scaring them off. People can be judgemental about that which they do not understand. I'm not very open about my condition with people either, unless I absolutely trust them. It's difficult to allow yourself to expose that vulnerabilty to others. Use your discretion here tacosalad. If you feel comfortable enough to trust him with it, you should let him know. If you feel he truly cares about you and fully accepts you for who you are, he should express some understanding and empathy for your condition or at least be able to respect it.

All the best to you,

Matt

Last edited by rockermatt; 05-17-2010 at 01:28 AM. Reason: correction

 
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:04 PM   #3
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Re: Should I tell/do I have to tell my boyfriend about ROCD?

But the thing is I don't want to hurt his feelings or something, what if it hurts his feelings? I'm still sometimes not sure if it's even the ROCD, what if that's just how I really feel. How can I tell him that sometimes I think I don't love him and want to break up? It just seems mean...

 
Old 05-18-2010, 02:06 PM   #4
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Re: Should I tell/do I have to tell my boyfriend about ROCD?

A trick I taught myself is that every time i start a question off with "what if?" it's probably an OCD question.

 
Old 05-18-2010, 02:21 PM   #5
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Re: Should I tell/do I have to tell my boyfriend about ROCD?

I wouldn't tell him.....you're just giving him the upper hand to blame any kind of disagreement on your ROCD......don't give him the ammunition....

 
Old 06-25-2010, 11:40 AM   #6
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Re: Should I tell/do I have to tell my boyfriend about ROCD?

Hey tacosalad, I've been in the same situation you are in, and I hope this helps:
if you're close to your boyfriend and you feel that frankly, even though he may not understand, but is willing to be sympathetic and give you the support and understanding that you need, you should tell him. It is a mental instability and he should know because it causes you much stress and anxiety and will help him realize what you are going through. But don't "confess" your doubts and obsessions. Do not feel guilty because deep down inside you are rejecting them and know that they are not true. I do feel guilty for all the horrible unwanted thoughts I have but guess what? I said unwanted! And doubts are very normal. Yet you can't always think it's rocd. You must test to see if there's an issue in the relationship and confront it. It does NOT mean you break up or anything, but that you two should have a talk about something that may be troubling either of you. It has happened to me and we've worked it out together. By telling him, you will become closer if done the right way.

Last edited by GenGen*; 06-25-2010 at 11:43 AM.

 
Old 07-27-2010, 08:38 AM   #7
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Lightbulb Re: Should I tell/do I have to tell my boyfriend about ROCD?

Hi,

I am in a relationship with a sufferer of Severe ROCD and Depression, and i'm writing to offer some advice from being the other side of the wall.

It's only my personal opinion and experience, but if you think this guy is the one you'd like to be with, then tell him.
Break him in gently by showing him links on ROCD and explain that this is what you have.
It's one of the hardest things in the world to be in love with someone that has ROCD, sometimes your partner is completely in love and crazy about you, but then next they are confused, unsure and question if they really even know what love is. Tormenting themselves with wondering if your the 'One' or if it would just be better to be single forever rather than constantly hurting the one they care about so much... and the Guilt they suffer.
And as many reading this will know, thats just the half of it.

My partner did the best thing he possibly could for me, and that was to explain everything, he taught me all about the ROCD, gave me links to read and forums to follow... he helped me to understand, because above all, he didn't want to hurt me and he didn't want this to be another relationship that the ROCD destroyed.
As a partner, i read everything i could find but most importantly i listened and then maybe even more crucial, i understood. And as such, he feels no pressure to be someone he's not, if he's having a black day, he talks to me, he tells me how he's feeling and slowly but surely we get through it... together.
Because i understand, it takes away the hurt... i know that it's the ROCD taking grip and often he's fighting for his life to come back out of it, I know that his intention is never to hurt me. It also means that i can support him, through the tecniques, the different meds and the side effects they can bring, and helping him through the black days....He never has to be alone in this anymore.
We have been together for sometime, and he still feels the guilt of what the ROCD does, but i don't just see the ROCD, i see him as a whole and nothing feels better than when he smiles and the good days come.

One of his biggest fears in telling me everything, was that i would run away and for anyone with ROCD i know it must be incredibly had to believe, but we don't all run away and understanding is the key.
If you tell him and he walks or if you tell him and he stays... either way, it means you don't have to pretend to be someone your not, and you could indeed find that it was the best thing you have ever done.

Good Luck

 
Old 07-29-2010, 10:23 AM   #8
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Re: Should I tell/do I have to tell my boyfriend about ROCD?

this is kind of an old post, but since it's been brought back on I'd like to say that I'm going through this now, I guess I'm in the exact same position as the original poster, I've been back with my bf for a few months and it's been really difficult for me, part of it is that he doesnt fully understand what is going on, i'm not taking a new approach and trying medication, I was just wondering what your bf did to help you understand? it's hard to understand someone when you've never been in this position yourself.

 
Old 07-30-2010, 02:25 AM   #9
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Re: Should I tell/do I have to tell my boyfriend about ROCD?

I recently told my boyfriend about the ROCD, the same day I found out what it was. And he was very supportive and listened and was happy in a way, because now we can put a name to it and he doesn't have to worry that I am about to walk out the door. I just say 'its the ROCD' and he understands. Some others might not be as lucky. But we can all work through it...

 
Old 07-30-2010, 06:28 AM   #10
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Re: Should I tell/do I have to tell my boyfriend about ROCD?

iya,

Well, he talked about what had happened with his past relationships an eventually led up to tell me that it was all a pattern or cycle he was in due to something that he has which is called ROCD.
He explained how it made him feel, but all the while he did that, he was reassuring to me, it was very difficult for him, because he felt as soon as he told me, that i would think he was weird or a freak and run away... But the more he explained how it worked and how it made him feel, the more i understood and running away couldn't be further from the truth of how i felt/feel about him.
He asked me to read links he would send over, such as to forums like this one and read about the experiences of others... saying, this is how i feel.

Last edited by moderator2; 07-30-2010 at 07:09 AM. Reason: please do not post websites except as described in the Posting Policy

 
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